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Your thoughts on your Judges Feedback

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The Steggles Collect View Drop Down
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Joined: 12 May 2020
Location: UK
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The Steggles Collect Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2020 at 7:46am
Was very surprised, and very pleased, to be placed forth!

Some contradictory feedback from the judges, one (1815) liking the flash-back, another (1816) suggesting I rewrite it in a linear format.
And two judges suggesting more character detail/background, without saying what I could cut out in order to achieve that Big smile

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -
{2016}  I like that the couple's relationship has sort of flipped on its head and this formerly "meek" wife is seemingly now in control, while her alpha-male husband has his tail between his legs, so to speak. 
{1816}  George is a funny character, very detailed oriented and opinionated. It's fun to see the banter back and forth with George and his pompous client, and fun to see how George plays him. Things take a delicious turn when the man returns, tail between his legs to sell the car. It's fun to also see the wife now take charge to get them through tough times. 
{1815}  It was a smart choice to tell the story of how George met this couple in the form of a flashback. It added some real suspense to this scene: I couldn't wait to find out why they were back.The characterization of the couple (especially the unpleasant husband) is really well done. It's easy to picture his entitlement and anyone with a customer service background will relate to George's reaction to him. 

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK -
{2016}  I don't really know anything about George, other than that he sells high-end cars that he can't afford himself. I don't even know what he looks like or how old he is. I'd love to see his character and backstory explored a bit further. As it is, the man and his wife seem to be the main characters, since we know they wanted a symbol of status and have now lost it. 
{1816}  Suggest writing the story in a linear format. Start with George first selling the car to the couple and then move on to now where he buys it back. This will let us see the story unfold as it happens and stay active rather than go back in time with a flashback.
{1815}  This takes place from George's perspective, yet we know very little of him. I would encourage this writer to add in more characterization of George, so that the reader feels they've gotten to know a real person. The more we know about him, the more we can empathize with him, and therefore the more the reader will be able to invest energy and emotion in this story.
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