Thriller Again??? Heat 11 Come Here |
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richke
NYC Midnight Regular Joined: 24 Jul 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 212 |
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Posted: 13 Jan 2007 at 4:23am |
I got Thriller again...i guess i shouldnt complain since i placed top 3 in my heat in the screenwriter's comp - yewah i know i didnt win but i was hapopy to see i did that good....well anyone else in heat 11 come here to share ideas or mock thje competition :)
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Heat #18 - The Darkness Within
http://www.richardthomaskeel.com/media/18_TheDarknessWithin.pdf |
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durden7
NYC Midnight Regular Joined: 31 Jul 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 202 |
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SCI-Fi / Fish Tank
Well, At least I didn't get Fairy Tale/Global warming like the last comp. |
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Requiem
NYC Midnight Regular Joined: 07 Jun 2006 Status: Offline Points: 238 |
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doh! |
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richke
NYC Midnight Regular Joined: 24 Jul 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 212 |
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I'm would like to present to you a little paragraph from my story thaat i thought was decent and then post what my brother(younger by 10 years by the way and going for his English major) critqued :) - i tried to get him in but he didnt do it
Mine
“Honey, I’m home!” Kenneth shouts through the house as he returns home from work. He tosses his keys on the solid oak dining room table as he heads into the kitchen to grab his post work ritual Scotch on the rocks. After he has finished making his drink from the nearly full bottle, he walks by the table once more, but this time he notices a white, folded piece of paper with his name scribbled across it. Pulling his chair underneath himself, he opens the letter. His 'Honey! I'm home!' Ken's voice rings through his vacant house. His keys clang on the oak of the dining room table as he passes by on his way to the kitchen, anticipating his afterwork tradition of scotch on the rocks. As the alcohol dulls his weary mind, a piece of paper catches his eye. It was curious that he hadn't seen it before, the bleached shred of parchment perched directly next to his keys. He smoothed the paper and traced his name which was scribbled quickly on the outside. Ken gripped a chair with his right hand and pulled a seat to himself as he unfolded the letter." I think i realized that my chances of doing thing really spectacular in this comp his very small...but i will try to rewrite. He mentioned i write in 3rd person-present out of habit from scriptwriting and it takes the reader out of the story....so im going to write in first person-present...wish me luck...two days :)
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Heat #18 - The Darkness Within
http://www.richardthomaskeel.com/media/18_TheDarknessWithin.pdf |
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ABEAR111
NYC Midnight Black Belt Joined: 27 Jun 2006 Status: Offline Points: 942 |
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Exactly why I shyed away from this one, I've pretty much forgotten how to write like this (non-economically). Your brother's really good, only he switches from present tense to past tense by the middle of the paragraph. Edited by ABEAR111 - 18 Jan 2007 at 4:57am |
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AWolffe
Newbie Joined: 25 Jan 2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3 |
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Richke:
Just posted in another discussion that I enjoyed your story. Well done! Thanks for helping me burn up some time at work this morning...
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"Don't analyze it...just dig it."
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richke
NYC Midnight Regular Joined: 24 Jul 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 212 |
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hey man no problem...i glad to hear you liked it :)
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Heat #18 - The Darkness Within
http://www.richardthomaskeel.com/media/18_TheDarknessWithin.pdf |
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