!st round feedback |
Post Reply |
Author | |
patsy
NYC Midnight Black Belt Joined: 28 Aug 2011 Location: Ohio, USA Status: Offline Points: 4709 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Posted: 25 Jun 2015 at 3:06pm |
I'll start the fun, here's my feedback. Pretty much what I thought it would be. :)
Dear Patsy Pratt-Herzog, The feedback from the judges on your Screenwriting Challenge 2015 1st Round screenplay is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful and you enjoyed the competition!
'Lady Disdain's Revenge'' by Patsy Pratt-Herzog - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR SCREENPLAY - ............This was a very wholesome, old-fashioned fairytale, with enough little unexpected bits to keep it interesting. A non-selfish prince who doesn't care about marrying royalty was a lovely breath of fresh air. ...............I liked the introduction of the Fairy Godfather. Not only did it add a new mystical element to the script, but it was interesting that you reversed the gender....A polished adventure with a welcome dose of humour. The climax provides a sense of pitched battle without the violence, and resolves the adventure in the same lighthearted spirit as it began. ...................................................…........................ WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ............If the prince lives in a kingdom where treacherous magic exists, it seems to follow that the king and queen would be more wary and protective of their son against such powers. More focus on the magic that exists in the land before the fairy godfather shows up would make its presence feel more organic to the story................The setup to your main plot is on the long side. The first half of your script is basically just dialogue, exposition, and set up. You could easily cut some of that out and get to the meat of your story several pages earlier....Subverting the stereotype with a Fairy Godfather was fun - can the idea be extended to other aspects of the script? Elroy makes a gallant prince and Penny a fair maiden, but I wonder if their characters can be distinguished from the classic models with a similar twist................…......................................................... |
|
Kellie214
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 02 May 2014 Location: Brooklyn,NY Status: Offline Points: 85 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
I want to post my critique but I'm really angry of what the judge(s) had said about my work. I tried to make it funny but it was more suspense than dark comedy which I agree but derogatory things about gays was not what I was going for. Would never do that! I don't want anyone to think that I'm homophobic!
|
|
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bw6qM5jsTUqPVHFYWnFMLWxkRms/view?usp=sharing
|
|
Post Reply | |
Tweet |
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |