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Dark&StormyNight View Drop Down
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    Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 12:41pm
Feedback is being emailed and some are adding to their original story posts, but if you want to post, comment or vent here…

This is the debut of the Rhyming Story Challenge. Were the judges’ comments any different do you think? Did they take ‘rhythm and pattern’ into account? Have they read a poem in their life? LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dark&StormyNight Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 12:47pm
Here’s mine. I can definitely see the point of 1995, I could have built up the romance a tad or mentioned Gene during the show. Miffed a bit with 2238 though, no examples. Do they realize you can’t omit words when you’re counting syllables and trying not to mess up your rhythm and flow?

 Fame and Glorie'' WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - {1995}  All of the pooch stuff is absolutely hilarious, and so charming as well. Paw-parazzi made me laugh out loud! And dapper pupper ties and bows is so adorable. 

   {2238}  The story was endearing with the heart of it around the dogs and their rescue. There were some great lines like, "Steven asked for seven selfie shots, and posted every single one."  {2125}  Charming and delightful. The story hits all the rom-com beats. Great ending. The plot line with the dog shelter worked well and served as a great device to move the story forward.    WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - {1995}  I would like ti suggest building up the romance between Glorie and Gene just a tad more. He blushes when they first meet, but I I would add in at least one  moment where we see Glorie falling for Gene before they kiss at the end.I love how initially she falls in love with the dog, but let us see the moment she first thinks Gene might be the one. Maybe he is all dressed up the day of the big event and she says something to him about how dapper he looks.    {2238}  The flow of the piece didn't quite work. Perhaps reading it out loud will help catch these area's where the the rhymes get bogged down with sentences that were too long or wordy.   {2125}  I might like a little detail about her ties to Timber Creek or why she picked it. What is the inciting incident for her decision to move there? A little more background information could make this already fun and satisfying story even better.



Edited by Dark&StormyNight - 30 Nov 2022 at 12:47pm
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hungrywriter View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote hungrywriter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 12:53pm
I think lesson learned, and what I'd suggest to people moving on, is to keep your rhymes simple and your fleshed-out story center. It seems like out-of-the-box rhyming schemes didn't seem to add much to the points score- there were quite a few brilliant styles I expected to see a lot higher ranked! So it doesn't seem worth it to beat yourself up about that.

Personally, I spent *way* too much time on a complex rhyme scheme and meter when it was relatively unimportant to the judges in their feedback, and it did nothing to place me. I guess this should have been "obvious" to me, but I definitely made it way harder on myself than I had to, and some story elements could have been developed a bit more if I'd focused there rather than crafting a well-metered ABCCB.

For horror, I also left my "monster" too vague and unmotivated for judging tastes (that one was an intentional decision and I see now it was probably a mistake on my part). So just a note if you draw horror!

Good luck everyone and thanks for all of your comments!




Edited by hungrywriter - 30 Nov 2022 at 12:57pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote timmytimtimothy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 12:59pm
Overall my feedback felt tired, contradictory and unusable. For example, what does this even mean?
"Keep writing in this style so you get a good "feel" for it and can whip up some witty rhymes on the spot.  This will help when you set out to write with preparation and thought."

Really enjoyed the contest for the awesome stories everyone shared, but don't think I'll be signing up next year. I'd rather write prose, to have more chance of finding a home beyond the competition.

That said, $62 for Short Story next year is getting exxy! 

Good luck to those writing this weekend. Can't wait to read some awesome yarns 😊 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BabyLemonade Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 1:04pm
Got my feedback, I was happy with it, it wasn't all useful but some of it certainly was. 

Do we get some kind of point breakdown? It's my first time doing this.

Well done to all, I'm really enjoying the experience and the forum is a huge part of that for learning and support. 
Rhyming Story R1: The Hand that Knocks the Cradle
Rhyming Story Final: Of Mountains and Mice
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Patagonia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 1:12pm
Originally posted by BabyLemonade BabyLemonade wrote:

Got my feedback, I was happy with it, it wasn't all useful but some of it certainly was. 

Do we get some kind of point breakdown? It's my first time doing this.

Well done to all, I'm really enjoying the experience and the forum is a huge part of that for learning and support. 

I've never seen any points breakdown - this is my . . . 6th(?) challenge. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Dark&StormyNight Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 1:12pm
Originally posted by BabyLemonade BabyLemonade wrote:

Got my feedback, I was happy with it, it wasn't all useful but some of it certainly was. 

Do we get some kind of point breakdown? It's my first time doing this.

Well done to all, I'm really enjoying the experience and the forum is a huge part of that for learning and support. 

No points, and I really wish we did. That’s one of the things I suggested in general feedback a few months ago. I’d especially want one for this challenge where 30% of our score was supposed to be rhythm and pattern. That’s why I spent so much time on meter and syllable counting (others too I’m sure) only to have one judge throw it out the window.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BabyLemonade Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 1:15pm
Ah ok, thanks @patagonia and @dark&stormynight. Yeah an idea of how points are assigned would be really useful, it would help clarify the feedback perhaps...
Rhyming Story R1: The Hand that Knocks the Cradle
Rhyming Story Final: Of Mountains and Mice
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote firstofficerjoni2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 1:15pm
This being my first competition, I don't know how it compares to others, but I found it a little more vague than could really be helpful. I'm happy that I scraped into the top 8, but one judge mentioned 'imperfect rhymes' and 'choppy rhythms', and it would have been nice to know which lines exactly this applied to.

(The 'imperfect rhymes' is actually quite perplexing, because I'm a bit of a stickler in that regard. 'mothers/cover' is the example I usually give - nothing against a poet who'd use 'em, but for me that's not quite a rhyme.) 

I suppose they don't have time to be so pedantic for everyone, but even one example would have at least let me know they weren't just saying it for something to say. LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Patagonia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Nov 2022 at 1:16pm
Here's my feedback:

''To Correct Every Sin''     WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - {2011}  This was an exceptionally fun poem! The rhyme scheme stayed strong and consistent throughout, and the story within these stanzas offered a thoughtful commentary on how we deal with "hysterical" women. The final stanza was particularly evocative-- "All she'd had to do to find her own crew was make her way up to the moon" was especially striking. Great work on this piece! It was a pleasure to read.   {2115}  I love how vividly we get to know Leanne and her temperament, and that you also demonstrate it in her encounter with the beet-eating men. We can easily picture and instantly accept the worldbuilding here, the shuttle to the moon, the transplant technology, etc. I love that you've given Leanne an urgent quest here, she is likable and easy to root for. And the overall sing-song nature of the rhymes is pleasant and mostly easy to fall into. Great job!  {2179}  I love the premise of this story! I think it's great that it promotes radical self acceptance and self exploration. It's also relatable for me. I think you could write a whole book based on this story! Thank you for sharing this piece. I really enjoyed reading it.    WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - {2011}  Just one note-- increase the grotesqueness of the men on the train. Give us a bolder juxtaposition! It will make the pay off at the end even brighter.   {2115}  Keep a close eye on syllable count and stress patterns within lines...I stumbled in a few places because the lines felt overlong, with too many syllables crammed in, or came up short, causing me to stop unexpectedly. "To locate her assigned seat" is one example.  {2179}  I would like to learn more about Leanne. Would it be possible to show her in action (being harsh to people, or speaking her mind), instead of telling us she "was a shrew"? I know that she learns how to accept her own complexity in this story, and I think it would be great to see how she clashed with people before she was sent away.

Thank you for reading my subjective feedback.


I mostly appreciated the feedback. Always nice to get compliments, and the constructive parts make sense to me - I could have made the men on the shuttle more grotesque, and I know some of my meter was a bit off here and there. The last point, though - there is a place in the story where I show the MC in action . . . maybe this judge wanted more of that? But not sure what to cut in order to show more of that. So that one wasn't as helpful, though the general premise of "show, don't tell" makes sense.

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