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Marlies1979 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 11:10am
Accidentally posted the story in the wrong forum - deleting this post and creating another in the right one!

Edited by Marlies1979 - 01 Jul 2020 at 11:27am
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north_north_west View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote north_north_west Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 1:06pm
Greetings, heatmate!

I enjoyed your story and liked the surprise ending.  Gotta admire the guy for having a girlfriend, a wife (or another girlfriend?) and some kids all on the same beach.  When does he sleep?
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just_a_pause View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote just_a_pause Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 1:54pm
Took me a couple of reads to figure out the change in woman (I am sleepy though so it's probably far more obvious than my brain made it!) I think it might have been clearer and more interesting if he was drinking cocktails with the mistress then lemonades with the family? Good luck! 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sgspeed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 2:10pm
Oh, I liked the twist in this romance! I want to see how he makes it through that day!  Good job.
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Marlies1979 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Marlies1979 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 7:08pm
Originally posted by just_a_pause just_a_pause wrote:

Took me a couple of reads to figure out the change in woman (I am sleepy though so it's probably far more obvious than my brain made it!) I think it might have been clearer and more interesting if he was drinking cocktails with the mistress then lemonades with the family? Good luck! 

I agree!  Great suggestion to have him drinking cocktails with his mistress and regular "family-style" lemonades with his spouse and kids!  lol
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote MotherOfXenomorphs Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 7:28pm
Oh my goodness! That is a confident man to have the mistress and the wife and kids on the same beach. And I love the change in his demeanor with him grumbling about the lemonades and wife is like "it's about damn time."

You get the whole dynamic of what's going on. Great piece. :)
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harmstar View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote harmstar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 8:44pm
Hahaha the behavior shifts are the crowning moments of this piece for me, you really strategized and made this a fun experience for us readers! It definitely brings more life to the title when you realize what this guy is doing. I would hate to be anyone involved, except maybe the bartender LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote FireflyFoxtrot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 8:49pm
Such a fun twist! I think some of the confusion other commenters have been mentioning could be cleared up by making the characters feel more specific--giving them names or defining features rather than "the couple" and "the man."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Eggcorn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 10:44pm
Hey guys! Just popping in to say this was accidentally posted on the Creative Writing Corner, so anyone online can see it. For contest rules etc, you'll want to remove the story and put it in the Microchallenge forum at the top! Hope this helps!
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