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R1 Grp15 Historical Fiction "The Origins of Anne"

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MsVickie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MsVickie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Feb 2019 at 5:52pm
Oh man, thank you so much for this detailed analysis, Anansi! You're totally on point with asking where Mary Read is! As you said, we can only do so much with 2500 words and it's possible I already did too much. I didn't think I'd be able to fit Anne into the narrative I'd imagined so I cut her out entirely. I actually loved all of the research I was doing into Anne/Mary/Jack and I think I might write a much longer piece that goes into everything.

And OH MY GOD. I can't believe we both got historical fiction/pregnancy/intoxication and BOTH wrote about Anne Bonny. Like, nowhere in that prompt was pirates listed and yet our minds still both went there... Hahahaha. Alright, now I'm off to read your version! Will post comments about it on your thread. :)

Originally posted by Anansi Anansi wrote:

Hi Vicky, 

Nice work. 

As someone that had been rehearsing this historical period a lot of late 😜 It's good to see so much accurate detail. Totally believable dialogue and situations. A ripping yarn. Great pace.

I guess my main question would be - where's Mary reade? Only because they are the Thelma and louise of pirates - always mentioned together - so I was constantly wondering when she would pop up! I thought one of the other crew that challenged Anne would be Mary (or maybe she was...) 

Some of the detail was great. Loved the exotic intoxicating powder, and tales of sea serpents. And the image of the currents under the ship / metaphors for drunkenness. 

Another general point would be (and I struggled with this one too) with a long and action packed narrative (from Defoe) it's sometimes good to choose your moment(s) and focus in on that'll the centre piece of the story, rather than give a general overview of Anne's whole piratical career. A bit hard with 2500 words! Having said that, you do pretty well at achieving just that it must be said. 

Finally I would suggest adding a bit more spacing/ thinking about presentation. For a short story I like seeing a bit more white space. Makes me focus on the text more but perhaps that's just me. 

Good luck, and again, shocked you opted for the same subject as me-  great minds eh 

πŸ˜„πŸ€š

β˜ οΈβš”οΈπŸ‘ΈπŸ»






2019 SSCR2H2: The Whole Tooth
2019 SSCR1H15: The Origins of Anne Bonny
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jojoBee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Feb 2019 at 2:41pm
This is a fun story! I really her voice and determination. And you did a great job with your prompts. 

I think some sentences can be broken up for clarity and there are some words that can be trimmed as they aren't necessary for understanding. 

For example this sentence - 
I bent over to apply my remedy to the injury but the tall pirate grabbed my wrist and pulled me roughly away, which caused the paste on my fingertips to fall to the floor with a wet smack.- 38 words
Could be shortened to :
I bent to apply my remedy but the tall pirate grabbed my wrist, pulling me roughly away. The paste on my fingertips fell to the floor with a wet smack. -30 words

Those are all final editing things though and not at all necessary! I do think they would give more room to add to this story though, which would be great because i wanted to know more! I'd love to have seen a bit more of her interactions with others, she's clearly a bold woman. Her relationship with Jack when he isn't being a jerk would also be nice haha

Great job!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote SEHBicycle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Apr 2019 at 12:21pm
Congratulations on winning the heat, in only your 2nd year of NYCM SSC. Well done!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Seacore Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Apr 2019 at 8:49pm
Rollicking read, congrats on first place in your heat.
FFC CH1 H76 - Work To Be Done
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Vickster Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Apr 2019 at 10:37pm
Thank you SEHBicyle and Seacore for your kind words! I'm excited to move onto the second round. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MsVickie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Apr 2019 at 10:44pm
Oops, that previous post was also by me from an account I accidentally created when I thought the first one wasn't working. Anyway, again, thank you SEHBicyle and Seacore for your kind words!
2019 SSCR2H2: The Whole Tooth
2019 SSCR1H15: The Origins of Anne Bonny
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