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R1 G75 Dark Love (Romance)

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crubin View Drop Down
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    Posted: 14 May 2020 at 3:11am
[*TW: possible abuse*]
Romance | Making a promise | Blind

Dark Love


His love left fingerprints on her arms. It was a medical condition, he said, that no one could quite figure out: his skin didn’t shed, but rather, burned off in ashes.


When he ran his finger along her jawline, she’d be outlined by him. You could trace each knuckle around her throat, her wrists. The smell of burning sank into her skin; her eyes watered and she smiled, blinded. 

They sat in his bed and he drew with his index finger the same promise across her bare stomach, over and over again:

Mine.



Edited by crubin - 19 May 2020 at 1:58pm
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ScottBeckman View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ScottBeckman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 May 2020 at 2:37pm
Dark indeed. I admire your ability to set/explain a character's supernatural abilities into such a tight package, and make a useful story out of it.

Well done! And good luck :)


Edited by ScottBeckman - 14 May 2020 at 2:38pm
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crubin View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crubin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 May 2020 at 3:02pm
Thank you! And thanks for reading my story and giving thoughtful feedback -- this is my first time posting! Good luck to you as well! 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mojavolley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 May 2020 at 5:56pm
As Scott said, dark indeed.  I experienced it as an abusive relationship rather than supernatural - made it even darker.  Powerful ending - well done.  Good luck!
If the path before you is clear, you're probably on someone else's. Joseph Campbell
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Caroline_imr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 May 2020 at 8:54pm
Yes, I read it as abusive as well. ... and yet she smiled. ‘Blinded by love’. And perhaps she’s quick to accept his ‘condition’ because of it.  The repeated tracing of mine on her body nailed his control over her.  Very well done. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crubin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 May 2020 at 9:10pm
Thanks guys! Wow really appreciate the reads and feedback.  Yeah when I was writing it I definitely was thinking abusive, and the ashes thing is supernatural as well, so you guys all nailed it. I love magical realism, so the idea was like of this abusive guy who’s so bad he leaves black traces where he touches, like his personality becomes a physical thing. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote alfdis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 May 2020 at 10:07am
Originally posted by crubin crubin wrote:

Thanks guys! Wow really appreciate the reads and feedback.  Yeah when I was writing it I definitely was thinking abusive, and the ashes thing is supernatural as well, so you guys all nailed it. I love magical realism, so the idea was like of this abusive guy who’s so bad he leaves black traces where he touches, like his personality becomes a physical thing. 


I love this... I'm also a fan of magical realism, and I think you did a great job with it here. I'm really impressed at how you hinged the entire story on its imagery- no fancy words or fluff to flesh out its meaning. All its depth and dimension come straight from the physical/sensory realm, which is a great enactment of the old "show, don't tell" adage.

This is a wonderful, understated piece of storytelling that inspired me to think about my own approach to writing. Well done and good luck!

*I've seen some people in this forum put content warnings on stories that have either graphic or potentially triggering content and I wondered if maybe that would be a good idea here too... I know the abuse is not explicitly graphic and I can't claim to speak for people who have suffered abuse as to how they might respond to this, but something to think about, perhaps.
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crubin View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crubin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 May 2020 at 2:16pm
Thanks so much! Yeah fantastic genre, maybe they'll consider it as a category one day. Love reading stuff that is slightly magical, but still could live in this world.

I edited the post to have a trigger warning, thanks for the idea!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rangesa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 May 2020 at 2:34pm
Well-written, and very descriptive. The imagery was definitely evident. I imagine it's an abusive relationship, but one that she is hesitant to leave, because there is a weird charm that the man possesses. Good luck with the judging. :)
MF100 R1 G14 A Soldier's Fate
MF250 R2 G12 For the love of a parent
MF250 R1 G34 A Tea to Oblivion
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tink Bell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 May 2020 at 4:23pm
This is unsettling with some amazing imagery that will stay with me. Your MC is not an attractive character by any means with his burning and controlling, but yet however toxic, this is still a romance. The girl is literally blinded by her love for him. This is a refreshing take on the genre, well done and good luck.
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