NYC Midnight : Creative Writing & Screenwriting Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > GENERAL DISCUSSION > Creative Writing Corner
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - R1 G67 All In (Romance)
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

R1 G67 All In (Romance)

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Message
Adam.H View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 10 May 2020
Location: London
Status: Online
Points: 22
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Adam.H Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: R1 G67 All In (Romance)
    Posted: 13 May 2020 at 5:35am
I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing. First time entree here. 
Here’s my story: 


All In

 

She’s all I think about. An obsessed lover, I cling on tight. My unwavering attention. She comes at me like a train, blaring its horn. I accept her with open arms, and all the carnage and dystopia she brings. She’s a snake, slithering her way into my mind. I know she’s dangerous. I know she’s beautiful. I know she’s mine. She’s exactly what I want. What I need. She disappears and I’m alone. Loneliness is despair. Loneliness is hell. I’m told I shouldn’t. I’m told I can’t. I don’t care. I place five thousand more on black.

Back to Top
fioOxf View Drop Down
NYC Midnight Black Belt
NYC Midnight Black Belt
Avatar

Joined: 13 Jul 2018
Location: Oxford, UK
Status: Online
Points: 2561
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fioOxf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 May 2020 at 5:48am
Hi Adam, nearly, but not quite. You'll need to re-post this in the sub-forum for the Micro 100 words, where it's 'secret' ie inaccessible to the general public. It's safer for you, and that's where all the other stories are.
You'll find, then, that you can't delete this post, but you can edit the text out of it. When you go into the 'Creative Writing Corner', the three main sub-forums are at the top, and the micro one is the first one. Here's a direct link https://forums.nycmidnight.com/the-100word-microfiction-challenge-2020-review_forum71.html 

Pop your post in there, then let them know, on the Masterlist forum for your group. 
And then enjoy all the getting and giving feedback :)
And everyone gets in a muddle to start with - it's not the easiest forum format, and it's quite intimidating, but you'll find it a very welcoming place!
I'd also recommend you put your new forum link in your signature. There are instructions here https://forums.nycmidnight.com/tips-for-using-the-review-forum-content-warnings_topic32997.html  

Welcome to the (wonderful) madness. 
Back to Top
Adam.H View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 10 May 2020
Location: London
Status: Online
Points: 22
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Adam.H Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 May 2020 at 6:47am
Thank you so much for the helping hand! Looking forward to being a part of the community!
Back to Top
Dwight View Drop Down
NYC Midnight Newbie
NYC Midnight Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 06 Feb 2018
Location: Mountians Of CO
Status: Offline
Points: 59
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dwight Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 May 2020 at 6:30am
Your story brought to mind Frank Sinatra singing "Luck Be a Lady." A love affair with lady luck is a nice twist on the romance genre. Too many short sentances and fragments for me. But who knows, maybe addictions make a person think that way. Good luck
Back to Top
YankeeDoodle View Drop Down
NYC Midnight Newbie
NYC Midnight Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2019
Location: Missouri
Status: Offline
Points: 62
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote YankeeDoodle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 May 2020 at 10:49am
You've written a deranged one-sided love affair. I'm with Dwight on the fragments but the main character is now in their right mind so it works within this story. 

I'm nitpicking here but would this person, who is so clearly off the rails and has obviously been betting for quite some time, have $5,000 to place on black? If they were down to a final bet I would have felt more sympathy.  
Back to Top
RTwo View Drop Down
NYC Midnight Newbie
NYC Midnight Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 18 May 2020
Location: New Zealand
Status: Offline
Points: 34
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote RTwo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 May 2020 at 12:14am
I like the fragmennts myself (but am also a newbie so no high quals here lol) ... short and direct and twist at the end works for me.

The obsession with a gamble ... rather than with a person ... gives a different spin on romance and both can be just as addictive, so why not!

Good luck and thanks for sharing
R1 G67 Surviving without emotions
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 12.03
Copyright ©2001-2019 Web Wiz Ltd.

This page was generated in 0.109 seconds.