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R1 G32 Looking for Perfect

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The Steggles Collect View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The Steggles Collect Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2020 at 7:06am
Hi there, thank you so much for reviewing my story, here to return the favour.

This is fantastic. I love the way you use slang and terminology to do the world- building without resorting to exposition (which is a great waste in micro fiction in any case).

Nothing to complain about here, I think it should do well.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote CristiLynn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2020 at 7:07pm
Really enjoyed getting to revisit this story again! I'm still so amazed by how you were able to create an entire world in under 250 words. You even created your own slang so effortlessly, that you didn't need to stop and explain what every word meant.

Good luck with judging! :)
SWC CH2, GR 44 - Unmasked
SWC CH3, GR 8 - What the Cluck?!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote darcydantes Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2020 at 10:59am
The character’s overwhelming, arrogant personality was a riot, and the ending where he’s unaware and clueless about himself was perfect! The pace of the story, and how you casually threw in futuristic words is impressive. Thank you for sharing this story 😊
MF250 R1: Clay things

This is my entry for the comp. Any feedback is welcome! Thank you!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AngusMcHeard Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2020 at 10:00am
I enjoyed this piece, you get thrown right in to the world effortlessly and the language used brings an element of humour that is refreshing in a sci fi piece. Thanks for sharing, good luck. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Suave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Dec 2020 at 11:02pm
Hi! Finally returning reads.
Haha, this is good, hate to think what brought this up, lol, just kidding.
Moved well, missed nothing that I can see.
Good luck!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote K_Beckham Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Dec 2020 at 1:39pm
I disagree with the confusion surrounding her explaining herself with the glasses comment. She felt the connection between them and admitted she'd chosen another because he wore his faults externally -- glasses being a flaw but also, an endearing feature. 

I think that in a very general way, women (or those that identify with a feminine, maternal and therefore, responsible for others energy) are used to explaining themselves to those that want to possess them so you've built in a beautifully scaffolded narrative that speaks to varying levels of experience with relationship. 

In a lot of ways, the narrative swirls around her compromise of her own experience in an effort to negotiate the experiences of those that approach her -- sacrificing acceptance of her best decisions in their efforts to find perfect. Probably just projecting about projection now, but I dig it. Great job! 

Keep writing! :)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nod1v1ng Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Dec 2020 at 5:25pm
Howdy -

Thanks for swinging by my story. Here to return the favor.

Man, that MC is cringeworthy. Nice job establishing that both clearly and quickly. You also did a nice job worldbuilding in a small space without getting carried away and interfering with the story.

A couple of nitpicks. When you are writing micro it's critical that everything furthers the story. I wasn't sure why the fact that the accounting firm was shady was important.

This is probably a personal preference, but to me the tense switch didn't work. I kind of feel like present tense sort launches this in to YA realm (where it seems to be popular) even though your characters don't seem to be YA.

Overall, well executed and a creative take on the prompts. Best of luck with the judges! 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Frefallr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jan 2021 at 12:54am
Nice result! Congrats.. Looking forward to reading your next one!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Nimhathuna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jan 2021 at 6:02pm
Hi,

Again, congratulations on advancing. Best of luck!Clap
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