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Introvert vs Extrovert

Printed From: NYC Midnight : Creative Writing & Screenwriting
Category: GENERAL DISCUSSION
Forum Name: Creative Writing Corner
Forum Description: Discuss NYC Midnight Creative Writing Competitions or Creative Writing in general.
URL: https://forums.nycmidnight.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=20436
Printed Date: 21 Feb 2019 at 5:28pm
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Topic: Introvert vs Extrovert
Posted By: chrissie0707
Subject: Introvert vs Extrovert
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 7:38am
Because it came up in a SSC Review thread, and now I'm curious. Also, because who does work doing work hours? Pfft.

The question was raised whether most forum-posters are extroverts, rather than introverts. My immediate reaction was "Ha. No." I'm not sure that's a factor in forum usage, because introverts get their energy from being alone, and extroverts draw energy from being around others, and as a highly-introverted person, I don't consider participating in internet forums as being around a group of people. It certainly doesn't suck on my energy reserves the way PHYSICALLY being in a group does. (Now, it does sometimes poke at the deeeeep well of anxieties, but that's a completely different thing.) In fact, I've met some of my best, longest lasting friends on the internet.

I think forum usage has much more to do with this safe place we've created together, where an aspiring - and maybe brave - writer can share their work and receive valuable feedback.

But what are you? Introvert or extrovert? I think most people assume writers are introverted (and I'm sure a lot of us prove them right.) What's your MBTI type? INFJ here. And as INFJs tend to be artists of some kind, I'm sure we have a higher than usual concentration of unicorns here.

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Replies:
Posted By: Zelda
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 7:48am
Power to the introvert!! I love the internet as a way to make friends!! I'm a pure introvert, but I'm split 50/50 down the Meyers-Briggs' other three scales. And you are so right--the internet is a godsend for introverts from an energetic perspective. And I too have made my best friends online!! Such a blessing!! Having online friends even gave me the confidence to make some "in person" friends. I've also traveled to meet internet friends and have had more fun than imaginable. 

Yeah, I love the unicorns! Shout-out to the unicorns among us! 


Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 7:58am
Originally posted by Zelda Zelda wrote:

Power to the introvert!! I love the internet as a way to make friends!! I'm a pure introvert, but I'm split 50/50 down the Meyers-Briggs' other three scales. And you are so right--the internet is a godsend for introverts from an energetic perspective. And I too have made my best friends online!! Such a blessing!! Having online friends even gave me the confidence to make some "in person" friends. I've also traveled to meet internet friends and have had more fun than imaginable. 

Yeah, I love the unicorns! Shout-out to the unicorns among us! 


I remember the first time I traveled across the country to meet an internet friend face-to-face. I was 22, and I HARDCORE lied to my parents, told them I was traveling to LA to meet up with some friends from college who were living and working there now. The next time I did it, about 4 years ago, I explained the situation, and my parents, husband, and brother thought I was going to be axe-murdered. Like, they were sure I was being catfished. But my nerdy sister-in-law, bless her heart, was like "Guys, chill. This is a thing people do."

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Posted By: nod1v1ng
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 8:03am
I'm a strong INTJ-A: 
78% introverted
70% intuitive
79% thinking
69% judging
75% assertive

I expect it's part of the reason I like forums like these - lots of space for discourse without awkward small talk around the cheeze dip. That being said, I'm capable of pretending to be extroverted and adept at the social construct (which is a requirement for my career) but it's exhausting...


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Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 8:16am
Originally posted by nod1v1ng nod1v1ng wrote:

I'm a strong INTJ-A: 
78% introverted
70% intuitive
79% thinking
69% judging
75% assertive

I expect it's part of the reason I like forums like these - lots of space for discourse without awkward small talk around the cheeze dip. That being said, I'm capable of pretending to be extroverted and adept at the social construct (which is a requirement for my career) but it's exhausting...


My T/F has always been split nearly down the middle. And I'm turbulent.

93% Introverted
77% Intuitive
51% Feeling
79% Judging
90% Turbulant


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Posted By: MissMoosie
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 8:29am
I am an extreme introvert - I can put on an act at work, but I find it mentally exhausting (feels like a whole other job on top of the job I'm hired to do).

I've lost count of the times someone has said something in a meeting that's gone down well, and it's something I'd thought but was too scared to say.

I read this book which was a big help in accepting who/what I am - it's a really easy and engaging read too:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0141029196" rel="nofollow - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0141029196



Posted By: Random
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:02am
I've taken so many of these tests...including stuff like the MMPI-II a few times.  Apparently I'm not insane, but that's just because I'm good at skewing tests.

Meyers-Briggs: INTP
HBDI: (Where are my HBDI results?  It's everything but Red, though)
ProfileXT Scale of 1-10 (highlights):
     Sociability: 1 (0 wasn't an option)
     Accomodating: 2
     Independance: 9
     Manageability: 3
     Attitude: 3
(You can see why military service was a bad idea, yet somehow I ended up in the only program in any service where someone like me can do alright...go figure.  My wife looked at those results and her only comment was "You're hard to manage")

I'm a manager at work, and exhausted when I get home.  Company picnics and parties destroy me; it can take two days to recover.  I'll get manic (usually during a contest) and hang out here for a couple weeks, but then I need six months away to get over it.

My next test is "Carlson Strengths", which the CEO gave us for Christmas.  I haven't gotten around to it yet, but soon.


    



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Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:12am
Originally posted by Random Random wrote:

]I'm a manager at work, and exhausted when I get home.  Company picnics and parties destroy me; it can take two days to recover. 


I so feel you here. It's nearly impossible to explain to my ENFP husband how exhausting just BEING AROUND OTHER PEOPLE is for me. If I have a couple of busy work weeks strung together and not enough recovery time home alone, it usually ends up triggering an anxiety attack. I'm really happy to be in a position in my job where I get to make my own schedule, and can adjust my days off throughout the week as needed to mentally recharge. Or, in this week's case, not turn into a Chrissie-cicle amidst the frozen tundra.

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Posted By: dashesndots
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:15am
I am very much an introvert.  I am the same as you chrissie, I don't find online interactions draining in the slightest (well, most of the time, ha) whereas interacting with people in the real world exhausts me.  I have several very good internet friends, who I have met in the real world but distance keeps us from getting together often.  And I met my husband on the internet (on a fanfiction site no less LOL) so yeah LOL. 

I have always gotten INTJ, although my Thinking/Feeling has always been pretty close to tipping the other way.   


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Posted By: beadbalm
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:15am
INFP
When we did this at work, they lined us up according to our % and on every letter except the F, I was all by myself on a little island of lonely statistics. Like it was a good idea to put the poor introvert so far from the sun that she was in a closet in the Kuiper belt, while everyone else was having Margaritas and working on their vitamin D.
But you know, it was instructive too, and at least the people kept a respectable distance:)


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Posted By: Random
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:23am
Originally posted by dashesndots dashesndots wrote:

I am very much an introvert.  I am the same as you chrissie, I don't find online interactions draining in the slightest (well, most of the time, ha)


I never socialized as a child, so even on-line I have to manually do the kind of social filtering most people do instinctively.  It's still tiring, but not as much because the non-verbal cues get taken out of the mix and there are only words to worry about.  It also helps to re-read when you think you're saying and see if there's a better way...or if it shoudln't be said at all...

The best way I've been able to describe it is being around people, for me, is like learning a new language for you.  That's how hard I have to think.


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Posted By: Dekay
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:28am
I do not consider forums highly social. I get to come and go as I please without any social boundaries and protocols other than being polite and respectful. If this is a social gathering, it is the only one I can enjoy without stress. If it is a social gathering, then darn you extroverts for tricking me! 

I am, without question, an INTJ-A

90% I
63% N
71% T
60% J


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Posted By: beadbalm
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:29am
Originally posted by Random Random wrote:

Originally posted by dashesndots dashesndots wrote:

I am very much an introvert.  I am the same as you chrissie, I don't find online interactions draining in the slightest (well, most of the time, ha)


I never socialized as a child, so even on-line I have to manually do the kind of social filtering most people do instinctively.  It's still tiring, but not as much because the non-verbal cues get taken out of the mix and there are only words to worry about.  It also helps to re-read when you think you're saying and see if there's a better way...or if it shoudln't be said at all...

The best way I've been able to describe it is being around people, for me, is like learning a new language for you.  That's how hard I have to think.

Yep. Social language is a learned language. Some days it is loosely translated as a Chinese/Russian hybrid and some days it is closer to French. Just depends. Generally, I just translate for me and the small people in my life. I think that Silicon Valley could hire me to stand at the end of corridors and make sure everyone can understand each other.  Then I would take a nap.


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Posted By: MissMoosie
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:31am
I'm a manager at work, and exhausted when I get home.  Company picnics and parties destroy me; it can take two days to recover.  I'll get manic (usually during a contest) and hang out here for a couple weeks, but then I need six months away to get over it.

     

[/QUOTE]


I'm not a manager, but I have to talk through and present ideas, and I hate it. I'm freelance, but have become an expert liar, convincing everyone that I'm not cripplingly shy and augmenting it with stories about why I'm too busy [too anxious] to go to the glitzy events they attend.


Posted By: Random
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:34am
Originally posted by beadbalm beadbalm wrote:

Yep. Social language is a learned language. Some days it is loosely translated as a Chinese/Russian hybrid and some days it is closer to French. Just depends. Generally, I just translate for me and the small people in my life. I think that Silicon Valley could hire me to stand at the end of corridors and make sure everyone can understand each other.  Then I would take a nap.


Small people?  I was a child, I would never do that to anyone.  Not even someone I didn't like.  I can't imagine anything worse.

No small people here, thankfully.  I'd never forgive myself.


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Posted By: Veralisa Markwood
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:39am
I'm an introvert and I NEED time alone.

However, I'm also very comfortable in front of a crowd, leading a group, giving presentations - which is a good thing because that's what I do! There is a misconception that all introverts are shy, and that is not the case for me at all. But, I'm either "on" or "not on." After doing my job, I need to re-charge...alone. 

In my case, I like this message board because people are kind and also interested in what I'm interested in. Not sure it has to do with being an introvert, but maybe. When I am around people, I like to be around people who have energy. I find it draining to be around people who are low-energy. So, I like this board because you're all active writers and share great posts. The general message of this message board is "write!" and that's what I appreciate.

Interesting post!








Posted By: Random
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:44am
Originally posted by MissMoosie MissMoosie wrote:

I'm not a manager, but I have to talk through and present ideas, and I hate it. I'm freelance, but have become an expert liar, convincing everyone that I'm not cripplingly shy and augmenting it with stories about why I'm too busy [too anxious] to go to the glitzy events they attend.


You need to go to those glitzy events, even if you leave a little early, even if it's uncomfortable, even if you hate it.  It's a useful skill, and if you're freelance it can be useful for your career as well.  Show up, watch, learn, do the best you can until you can't stand it anymore, than wait another five minutes before you leave.  The more you do it, the more you will be able to do it.

Think of it as posting your story here.  It's not comfort zone, and it's not 'safe place', which is why it's good for you.


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Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:48am
Originally posted by Veralisa Markwood Veralisa Markwood wrote:

I'm an introvert and I NEED time alone.

However, I'm also very comfortable in front of a crowd, leading a group, giving presentations - which is a good thing because that's what I do! There is a misconception that all introverts are shy, and that is not the case for me at all. But, I'm either "on" or "not on." After doing my job, I need to re-charge...alone. 


For SURE this is the biggest misconception. We introverts are not shy by nature, we are mentally drained every moment we are in a group. But we can do it. I believe a lot of us can turn it on when we need to, when we need to run meetings, give presentations and speeches, or generally sound intelligent and put-together in front of other people. But after? We probably crash. Hard. I know I do. The "shy" introverts are those of us that struggle with not just the mental drain of a crowd, but some degree of social anxiety thrown into the mix. We are the masses of messes who can make things sound so much better on paper or screen than we EVER could with our voices. We're the ones who make plans a month out because it sounds like something we WISH sounded fun, and then when the day comes have to cancel, because we've already done too damn much people-ing for the day or the week or the month.

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Posted By: nod1v1ng
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:52am
Originally posted by Veralisa Markwood Veralisa Markwood wrote:

There is a misconception that all introverts are shy, and that is not the case for me at all. But, I'm either "on" or "not on." After doing my job, I need to re-charge...alone. 

Exactly - it would be impossible to be INTJ-A (both introverted and assertive) if introversion was synonymous with being shy. 


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Posted By: beadbalm
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 9:56am
Originally posted by Random Random wrote:

Originally posted by beadbalm beadbalm wrote:

Yep. Social language is a learned language. Some days it is loosely translated as a Chinese/Russian hybrid and some days it is closer to French. Just depends. Generally, I just translate for me and the small people in my life. I think that Silicon Valley could hire me to stand at the end of corridors and make sure everyone can understand each other.  Then I would take a nap.


Small people?  I was a child, I would never do that to anyone.  Not even someone I didn't like.  I can't imagine anything worse.

No small people here, thankfully.  I'd never forgive myself.

I hear you. BUT, I have a built in tribe that was born being able to quote Dr. Who and Star Trek (and lots of other amazing things), just from genetics. And that's pretty special.



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Posted By: Suave
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 10:34am
Definitely an extrovert, calm(sometimes), good-looking, sure of myself and what I am about to screw up.


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Posted By: emilymyoga
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 11:16am
Another introvert here! INFJ as well! It's interesting, the idea of presenting in front of groups/being outgoing while still being introverted. I teach yoga, and talk to people all day at my other job, and I enjoy both of my jobs but definitely need alone time to recharge. 

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Posted By: robcunn
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 1:23pm
I consider myself an ambivert but think I would more often be categorized as an extrovert. Technically my Myers Briggs personality type is ENTP, but the "E" and "I" are differentiated by like a single percentage point. 

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Posted By: RBJohnson
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 1:33pm
Introvert. But you wouldn't believe it if you met me.



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Posted By: Dekay
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 2:00pm
Originally posted by Veralisa Markwood Veralisa Markwood wrote:

I'm an introvert and I NEED time alone.

However, I'm also very comfortable in front of a crowd, leading a group, giving presentations - 

I am the same, Veralisa. Some people argue with me about my introversion because I am so "outgoing" in front of a crowd (during presentations). Your post accurately aligned with my experiences as well. 

This is an interesting thread. 


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Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 2:05pm
Originally posted by Dekay Dekay wrote:

Originally posted by Veralisa Markwood Veralisa Markwood wrote:

I'm an introvert and I NEED time alone.

However, I'm also very comfortable in front of a crowd, leading a group, giving presentations - 


I am the same, Veralisa. Some people argue with me about my introversion because I am so "outgoing" in front of a crowd (during presentations). Your post accurately aligned with my experiences as well. 

This is an interesting thread. 


You might not always be able to pick an introvert out of a crowd. Both introverts and extroverts can be loud and laugh and have a good time. The difference is, the extroverts find an after party, the introverts go home as soon as humanly possible and then collapse in a People Hangover.

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Posted By: jennifer.quail
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 2:31pm
Extrovert, or at most ambivert leaning extrovert. I may sometimes need time alone to recharge, but I'm much more likely to be stressed by not having any generalist, large-group interaction than I am by being in a group. 

I definitely don't fit the internet stereotype of an introvert (which seems confused with social anxiety and/or the "empath" thing.)


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Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 2:36pm
Originally posted by jennifer.quail jennifer.quail wrote:

I definitely don't fit the internet stereotype of an introvert (which seems confused with social anxiety and/or the "empath" thing.)


I think this right here is why I wanted to pose the question. This idea people have that "introvert" means "shy." That it means "anxious." I can't even say for sure that introverts tend toward more issues with anxiety than extroverts do, though there are probably numbers from studies or surveys out there.

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Posted By: Veralisa Markwood
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 3:04pm
Originally posted by chrissie0707 chrissie0707 wrote:

Originally posted by jennifer.quail jennifer.quail wrote:

I definitely don't fit the internet stereotype of an introvert (which seems confused with social anxiety and/or the "empath" thing.)


I think this right here is why I wanted to pose the question. This idea people have that "introvert" means "shy." That it means "anxious." I can't even say for sure that introverts tend toward more issues with anxiety than extroverts do, though there are probably numbers from studies or surveys out there.

I have a dear friend who is an extreme extrovert. He is a very fun guy, loves to be the center of attention, talks non-stop, must be active in group activities all the time. He has mentioned to me that he is very uncomfortable with one-on-one conversations or situations that get too personal. 

So, yeah, I don't think we can make generalizations about who is shy, anxious, etc. just by their personality type.




Posted By: Zelda
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 4:34pm
Originally posted by chrissie0707 chrissie0707 wrote:

Originally posted by Zelda Zelda wrote:

Power to the introvert!! I love the internet as a way to make friends!! I'm a pure introvert, but I'm split 50/50 down the Meyers-Briggs' other three scales. And you are so right--the internet is a godsend for introverts from an energetic perspective. And I too have made my best friends online!! Such a blessing!! Having online friends even gave me the confidence to make some "in person" friends. I've also traveled to meet internet friends and have had more fun than imaginable. 

Yeah, I love the unicorns! Shout-out to the unicorns among us! 


I remember the first time I traveled across the country to meet an internet friend face-to-face. I was 22, and I HARDCORE lied to my parents, told them I was traveling to LA to meet up with some friends from college who were living and working there now. The next time I did it, about 4 years ago, I explained the situation, and my parents, husband, and brother thought I was going to be axe-murdered. Like, they were sure I was being catfished. But my nerdy sister-in-law, bless her heart, was like "Guys, chill. This is a thing people do."

Yeah!! I'm so on board with it. Online, you can find people who are a much better match for your personality, because it's a global environment! I'm a huge fan of the concept!! My super-great best friend lives in Prague, and visiting her last October was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Not just the trip, but that I know her in person now. 

I was also friends with an author who was small-press published, and he died of old age and cancer. I sobbed for a week. He was always emailing me with funny stories from his life, and he encouraged my writing, and I'd have given anything to have met him in person, but it wasn't to be. Cry But at least I knew him at all, right? 


Posted By: Alex Grey
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 4:37pm
I'm an INFJ

In my day job I design and deliver training courses, including training on public speaking - I love it and am full of energy in the training room but that energy is drawn from a deep well and I need a fair amount of alone time (or time with my dogs) in order to re-charge my batteries.

I don't do small talk, yet I'll chatter away on a forum with abandon - funny old personality type really :-)


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Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 4:39pm
Originally posted by Alex Grey Alex Grey wrote:

I'm an INFJ

In my day job I design and deliver training courses, including training on public speaking - I love it and am full of energy in the training room but that energy is drawn from a deep well and I need a fair amount of alone time (or time with my dogs) in order to re-charge my batteries.

I don't do small talk, yet I'll chatter away on a forum with abandon - funny old personality type really :-)


We could be twins. I'm also in charge of training and HR for an organization of six restaurants, and I love conducting classes and training sessions. But I definitely require a full day per week at home alone to keep my energy reserves up. My husband and I are not allowed to have the same days off work in the week.

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Posted By: Alex Grey
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 4:42pm
Originally posted by chrissie0707 chrissie0707 wrote:

Originally posted by Alex Grey Alex Grey wrote:

I'm an INFJ

In my day job I design and deliver training courses, including training on public speaking - I love it and am full of energy in the training room but that energy is drawn from a deep well and I need a fair amount of alone time (or time with my dogs) in order to re-charge my batteries.

I don't do small talk, yet I'll chatter away on a forum with abandon - funny old personality type really :-)


We could be twins. I'm also in charge of training and HR for an organization of six restaurants, and I love conducting classes and training sessions. But I definitely require a full day per week at home alone to keep my energy reserves up. My husband and I are not allowed to have the same days off work in the week.


:-D



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Posted By: Random
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 5:31pm
Originally posted by chrissie0707 chrissie0707 wrote:

Originally posted by Alex Grey Alex Grey wrote:

I'm an INFJ

In my day job I design and deliver training courses, including training on public speaking - I love it and am full of energy in the training room but that energy is drawn from a deep well and I need a fair amount of alone time (or time with my dogs) in order to re-charge my batteries.

I don't do small talk, yet I'll chatter away on a forum with abandon - funny old personality type really :-)


We could be twins. I'm also in charge of training and HR for an organization of six restaurants, and I love conducting classes and training sessions. But I definitely require a full day per week at home alone to keep my energy reserves up. My husband and I are not allowed to have the same days off work in the week.


On a social scale of 1-10 my wife is a 14.  I'll come home mostly dead and she'll follow me around the house, regaling me with every detail of her day.  It's times like that I regret not keeping 5mg of haldol handy.


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Posted By: Lookit There
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 5:37pm
People always assume I'm an extrovert, but in fact I am a very extroverted INTROVERT.
Those who know me well know that I am loud on the outside, but really quiet and thoughtful and internal. I do not open up to just anyone. I'll give you any fact about me you want to know, but you won't know my heart, my dreams, unless you have gained my trust - which takes a very long time.
I have a great sense of humor and love to laugh; but, equally, my humor is a glib way to keep others at a distance. My insecurities are legion, but you'd never know it. To the casual observer, I'm just that funny guy with great shoes who says f**k a lot (A LOT).
I post my stories not primarily for the praise (which is nice, but often embarrasses me), but to learn and grow, and to hopefully give myself the courage to actually submit my work. I mean I do, some, but not often enough; each rejection is a crushing blow to my fragile ego, and it takes me a lot of effort and time to send it on to the next publication.
And you can't imagine the trembling hands and sweaty brow just posting all of this has caused.



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Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 5:39pm
Originally posted by Random Random wrote:

Originally posted by chrissie0707 chrissie0707 wrote:

Originally posted by Alex Grey Alex Grey wrote:

I'm an INFJ

In my day job I design and deliver training courses, including training on public speaking - I love it and am full of energy in the training room but that energy is drawn from a deep well and I need a fair amount of alone time (or time with my dogs) in order to re-charge my batteries.

I don't do small talk, yet I'll chatter away on a forum with abandon - funny old personality type really :-)


We could be twins. I'm also in charge of training and HR for an organization of six restaurants, and I love conducting classes and training sessions. But I definitely require a full day per week at home alone to keep my energy reserves up. My husband and I are not allowed to have the same days off work in the week.


On a social scale of 1-10 my wife is a 14.  I'll come home mostly dead and she'll follow me around the house, regaling me with every detail of her day.  It's times like that I regret not keeping 5mg of haldol handy.


I literally have to stop my husband mid-jibber jabber almost nightly with a "dude, you're about to make my head explode. Take it down a notch. Or go stand outside for ten minutes."

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Posted By: lisafox10800
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 5:42pm
Extroverted introvert here, too. INFJ so a unicorn like many of you. 

I'm as extroverted as I need to be for business purposes, can hold my own at a cocktail party, and have a wacky and warped sense of humor. But very few people *really* know me; trust takes a long time to build.

Oh, to have a blanket and a good book. Bliss.


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Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 5:43pm
Originally posted by Lookit There Lookit There wrote:

People always assume I'm an extrovert, but in fact I am a very extroverted INTROVERT.
Those who know me well know that I am loud on the outside, but really quiet and thoughtful and internal. I do not open up to just anyone. I'll give you any fact about me you want to know, but you won't know my heart, my dreams, unless you have gained my trust - which takes a very long time.
I have a great sense of humor and love to laugh; but, equally, my humor is a glib way to keep others at a distance. My insecurities are legion, but you'd never know it. To the casual observer, I'm just that funny guy with great shoes who says f**k a lot (A LOT).
I post my stories not primarily for the praise (which is nice, but often embarrasses me), but to learn and grow, and to hopefully give myself the courage to actually submit my work. I mean I do, some, but not often enough; each rejection is a crushing blow to my fragile ego, and it takes me a lot of effort and time to send it on to the next publication.
And you can't imagine the trembling hands and sweaty brow just posting all of this has caused.




I have a feeling you're a fellow INFJ? I feel you, on all these points. And having read some of your work through these comps, I fully support you submitting stories. I myself have not managed to work up the courage to get that far yet.

I can imagine, to the degree each post in these forums has been difficult for me, and I'm glad you jumped onto the thread.   

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Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 5:45pm
Originally posted by lisafox10800 lisafox10800 wrote:

Extroverted introvert here, too. INFJ so a unicorn like many of you. 

I'm as extroverted as I need to be for business purposes, can hold my own at a cocktail party, and have a wacky and warped sense of humor. But very few people *really* know me; trust takes a long time to build.

Oh, to have a blanket and a good book. Bliss.


Not gonna lie - I literally thought to myself when I was typing that line wondering about the unicorn population, "I bet Lisa's an INFJ."   

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Posted By: fioOxf
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 5:52pm
Originally posted by lisafox10800 lisafox10800 wrote:

Extroverted introvert here, too. INFJ so a unicorn like many of you. 

I'm as extroverted as I need to be for business purposes, can hold my own at a cocktail party, and have a wacky and warped sense of humor. But very few people *really* know me; trust takes a long time to build.

Oh, to have a blanket and a good book. Bliss.

Not completely sure what an INFJ is, but I'm a Lisa :) I regularly stand in front of 300+ people holding a cauliflower as an 'entertaining' substitute for a human brain, and getting them to inspire me with their ideas (it's supposed to work the other way round, by hey...) but when I'm not in a different country doing that, I'd rather be at home or maybe at the cinema. The other part of my job happens in my room or my study... I needn't change out of my pjs, most days (though I do, I promise).


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Posted By: Random
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 6:20pm

INFJ Strengths

  • Creative – Combining a vivid imagination with a strong sense of compassion, INFJs use their creativity to resolve not technical challenges, but human ones. People with the INFJ personality type enjoy finding the perfect solution for someone they care about, and this strength makes them excellent counselors and advisors.
  • Insightful – Seeing through dishonesty and disingenuous motives, INFJs step past manipulation and sales tactics and into a more honest discussion. INFJs see how people and events are connected, and are able to use that insight to get to the heart of the matter.
  • Inspiring and Convincing – Speaking in human terms, not technical, INFJs have a fluid, inspirational writing style that appeals to the inner idealist in their audience. INFJs can even be astonishingly good orators, speaking with warmth and passion, if they are proud of what they are speaking for.
  • Decisive – Their creativity, insight and inspiration are able to have a real impact on the world, as INFJs are able to follow through on their ideas with conviction, willpower, and the planning necessary to see complex projects through to the end. INFJs don’t just see the way things ought to be, they act on those insights.
  • Determined and Passionate – When INFJs come to believe that something is important, they pursue that goal with a conviction and energy that can catch even their friends and loved ones off guard. INFJs will rock the boat if they have to, something not everyone likes to see, but their passion for their chosen cause is an inseparable part of their personality.
  • Altruistic – These strengths are used for good. INFJs have strong beliefs and take the actions that they do not because they are trying to advance themselves, but because they are trying to advance an idea that they truly believe will make the world a better place.

INFJ Weaknesses

  • Sensitive – When someone challenges or criticizes INFJs’ principles or values, they are likely to receive an alarmingly strong response. People with the INFJ personality type are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict, and questioning their motives is the quickest way to their bad side.
  • Extremely Private – INFJs tend to present themselves as the culmination of an idea. This is partly because they believe in this idea, but also because INFJs are extremely private when it comes to their personal lives, using this image to keep themselves from having to truly open up, even to close friends. Trusting a new friend can be even more challenging for INFJs.
  • Perfectionistic – INFJs are all but defined by their pursuit of ideals. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible – in politics, in business, in romance – and INFJs too often drop or ignore healthy and productive situations and relationships, always believing there might be a better option down the road.
  • Always Need to Have a Cause – INFJs get so caught up in the passion of their pursuits that any of the cumbersome administrative or maintenance work that comes between them and the ideal they see on the horizon is deeply unwelcome. INFJs like to know that they are taking concrete steps towards their goals, and if routine tasks feel like they are getting in the way, or worse yet, there is no goal at all, they will feel restless and disappointed.
  • Can Burn Out Easily – Their passion, poor patience for routine maintenance, tendency to present themselves as an ideal, and extreme privacy tend to leave INFJs with few options for letting off steam. People with this personality type are likely to exhaust themselves in short order if they don’t find a way to balance their ideals with the realities of day-to-day living.

So...I looked up my INTP.  Um...yup.  A little bit scary, if you want to get right down to it...ask my wife how many times I've said 'never mind'...

INTP Strengths

  • Great Analysts and Abstract Thinkers – People with the INTP personality type view the world as a big, complex machine, and recognize that as with any machine, all parts are interrelated. INTPs excel in analyzing these connections, seeing how seemingly unrelated factors tie in with each other in ways that bewilder most other personality types.
  • Imaginative and Original – These connections are the product of an unrelenting imagination – INTPs’ ideas may seem counter-intuitive at a glance, and may never even see the light of day, but they will always prove remarkable innovations.
  • Open-Minded – INTPs couldn’t make these connections if they thought they knew it all – they are highly receptive to alternate theories, so long as they’re supported by logic and facts. In more subjective matters like social norms and traditions, INTPs are usually fairly liberal, with a "none of my business" sort of attitude – peoples’ ideas are what matter.
  • Enthusiastic – When a new idea piques their interest, INTPs can be very enthusiastic – they are a reserved personality type, but if another person shares an interest, they can be downright excited about discussing it. More likely though, the only outward evidence of this enthusiasm will be INTPs’ silent pacing or their staring into the distance.
  • Objective – INTPs’ analysis, creativity and open-mindedness aren’t the tools of some quest for ideology or emotional validation. Rather, it’s as though people with the INTP personality type are a conduit for the truths around them, so far as they can be expressed, and they are proud of this role as theoretical mediator.
  • Honest and Straightforward – To know one thing and say another would be terribly disingenuous – INTPs don’t often go around intentionally hurting feelings, but they believe that the truth is the most important factor, and they expect that to be appreciated and reciprocated.

INTP Weaknesses

  • Very Private and Withdrawn – While INTPs’ intellectualism yields many insights into their surroundings, their surroundings are ironically considered an intrusion on their thoughts. This is especially true with people – INTPs are quite shy in social settings. More complicated situations such as parties exacerbate this, but even close friends struggle to get into INTPs’ hearts and minds.
  • Insensitive – Oftentimes INTP personalities get so caught up in their logic that they forget any kind of emotional consideration – they dismiss subjectivity as irrational and tradition as an attempt to bar much-needed progress. Purely emotional situations are often utterly puzzling to INTPs, and their lack of timely sympathy can easily offend.
  • Absent-minded – When INTPs’ interest is captured, their absence goes beyond social matters to include the rest of the physical world. INTPs become forgetful, missing even the obvious if it’s unrelated to their current infatuation, and they can even forget their own health, skipping meals and sleep as they muse.
  • Condescending – Attempts at connecting with others are often worse than INTPs’ withdrawal. People with the INTP personality type take pride in their knowledge and rationale, and enjoy sharing their ideas, but in trying to explain how they got from A to B to Z, they can get frustrated, sometimes simplifying things to the point of insult as they struggle to gauge their conversation partners’ perspective. The ultimate insult comes as INTPs give up with a dismissive "never mind".
  • Loathe Rules and Guidelines – These social struggles are partly a product of INTPs’ desire to bypass the rules, of social conduct and otherwise. While this attitude helps INTPs’ strength of unconventional creativity, it also causes them to reinvent the wheel constantly and to shun security in favor of autonomy in ways that can compromise both.
  • Second-Guess Themselves – INTPs remain so open to new information that they often never commit to a decision at all. This applies to their own skills as well – INTP personalities know that as they practice, they improve, and any work they do is second-best to what they could do. Unable to settle for this, INTPs sometimes delay their output indefinitely with constant revisions, sometimes even quitting before they ever begin.




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Posted By: Kellcoo
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 6:22pm
A people hangover - YES!!! I get this all the time- even from my children. Friends think I am extroverted but that's cos I give them ALL my energy. They don't see me when I have to hide away to recharge.

And as for why we post our stories on here if we are introverted- initially I thought it was for reassurance but I think it's actually more for definition, for myself anyway. I've read my piece so many times I have no objectivity...I want to hear others interpretations, good or bad.

And am I the only one who worries that no feedback means everyone hated it but just doesn't want to say so? Sigh. *Holding my head up high and telling myself everyone is just busy* Hang on, did i just ask for reassurance? Damn :)


Posted By: chrissie0707
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 6:28pm
Originally posted by Random Random wrote:




Two of my three closest and best friends are INTPs. We're called the "Golden Pair."

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Posted By: lisafox10800
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 6:31pm
Originally posted by chrissie0707 chrissie0707 wrote:

Originally posted by lisafox10800 lisafox10800 wrote:

Extroverted introvert here, too. INFJ so a unicorn like many of you. 

I'm as extroverted as I need to be for business purposes, can hold my own at a cocktail party, and have a wacky and warped sense of humor. But very few people *really* know me; trust takes a long time to build.

Oh, to have a blanket and a good book. Bliss.


Not gonna lie - I literally thought to myself when I was typing that line wondering about the unicorn population, "I bet Lisa's an INFJ."   

Big smile


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Posted By: Random
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 6:33pm
Originally posted by Kellcoo Kellcoo wrote:


And as for why we post our stories on here if we are introverted- initially I thought it was for reassurance but I think it's actually more for definition, for myself anyway. I've read my piece so many times I have no objectivity...I want to hear others interpretations, good or bad.

And am I the only one who worries that no feedback means everyone hated it but just doesn't want to say so? Sigh. *Holding my head up high and telling myself everyone is just busy* Hang on, did i just ask for reassurance? Damn :)


Well.  Despite having taken the Myers-Briggs several times I now understand why I struggle to write reviews...it's not that I don't like something, it can be improved...at least in my world, if not yours.

Even Tim's masterpiece.  Yes, there were several places (five or six, anyway) where the verse stumbled.  I'm embarrassed to admit I noticed because it was so good!


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Posted By: sarahnut
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 7:27pm
Originally posted by lisafox10800 lisafox10800 wrote:


Oh, to have a blanket and a good book. Bliss.

Yes, please! (Actually, not a blanket at the moment - maybe an ice lolly!) I'm an INFP - T apparently. I know what people mean about crowds and then needing to recharge. I always feel like I want to be part of the group and it all sounds like fun, and then I get there, and it's good for a while and then I want everyone to go away LOL


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Posted By: nod1v1ng
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 7:38pm


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Posted By: Zelda
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 8:10pm
Originally posted by Kellcoo Kellcoo wrote:

A people hangover - YES!!! I get this all the time- even from my children. Friends think I am extroverted but that's cos I give them ALL my energy. They don't see me when I have to hide away to recharge.

And as for why we post our stories on here if we are introverted- initially I thought it was for reassurance but I think it's actually more for definition, for myself anyway. I've read my piece so many times I have no objectivity...I want to hear others interpretations, good or bad.

And am I the only one who worries that no feedback means everyone hated it but just doesn't want to say so? Sigh. *Holding my head up high and telling myself everyone is just busy* Hang on, did i just ask for reassurance? Damn :)

Hey there!! You've got to put a link to your story in your signature line! That way, after you've commented on someone's story, that person can click there to return the favor!! And make sure your story is in the master list!! 


Posted By: Random
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 8:26pm
Originally posted by nod1v1ng nod1v1ng wrote:


I'm allergic to dogs.  I'll make friends with the goldfish and the wine bar.


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Posted By: nod1v1ng
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 8:29pm
Originally posted by Random Random wrote:

Originally posted by nod1v1ng nod1v1ng wrote:


I'm allergic to dogs.  I'll make friends with the goldfish and the wine bar.

Those are good too. Prosit!


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Posted By: Lookit There
Date Posted: 31 Jan 2019 at 11:04pm
Originally posted by Random Random wrote:

INFJ Strengths

  • Creative – Combining a vivid imagination with a strong sense of compassion, INFJs use their creativity to resolve not technical challenges, but human ones. People with the INFJ personality type enjoy finding the perfect solution for someone they care about, and this strength makes them excellent counselors and advisors.
  • Insightful – Seeing through dishonesty and disingenuous motives, INFJs step past manipulation and sales tactics and into a more honest discussion. INFJs see how people and events are connected, and are able to use that insight to get to the heart of the matter.
  • Inspiring and Convincing – Speaking in human terms, not technical, INFJs have a fluid, inspirational writing style that appeals to the inner idealist in their audience. INFJs can even be astonishingly good orators, speaking with warmth and passion, if they are proud of what they are speaking for.
  • Decisive – Their creativity, insight and inspiration are able to have a real impact on the world, as INFJs are able to follow through on their ideas with conviction, willpower, and the planning necessary to see complex projects through to the end. INFJs don’t just see the way things ought to be, they act on those insights.
  • Determined and Passionate – When INFJs come to believe that something is important, they pursue that goal with a conviction and energy that can catch even their friends and loved ones off guard. INFJs will rock the boat if they have to, something not everyone likes to see, but their passion for their chosen cause is an inseparable part of their personality.
  • Altruistic – These strengths are used for good. INFJs have strong beliefs and take the actions that they do not because they are trying to advance themselves, but because they are trying to advance an idea that they truly believe will make the world a better place.

INFJ Weaknesses

  • Sensitive – When someone challenges or criticizes INFJs’ principles or values, they are likely to receive an alarmingly strong response. People with the INFJ personality type are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict, and questioning their motives is the quickest way to their bad side.
  • Extremely Private – INFJs tend to present themselves as the culmination of an idea. This is partly because they believe in this idea, but also because INFJs are extremely private when it comes to their personal lives, using this image to keep themselves from having to truly open up, even to close friends. Trusting a new friend can be even more challenging for INFJs.
  • Perfectionistic – INFJs are all but defined by their pursuit of ideals. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible – in politics, in business, in romance – and INFJs too often drop or ignore healthy and productive situations and relationships, always believing there might be a better option down the road.
  • Always Need to Have a Cause – INFJs get so caught up in the passion of their pursuits that any of the cumbersome administrative or maintenance work that comes between them and the ideal they see on the horizon is deeply unwelcome. INFJs like to know that they are taking concrete steps towards their goals, and if routine tasks feel like they are getting in the way, or worse yet, there is no goal at all, they will feel restless and disappointed.
  • Can Burn Out Easily – Their passion, poor patience for routine maintenance, tendency to present themselves as an ideal, and extreme privacy tend to leave INFJs with few options for letting off steam. People with this personality type are likely to exhaust themselves in short order if they don’t find a way to balance their ideals with the realities of day-to-day living.
  • All of this - except the very last. My boss and coworkers will be the first to attest that I do not hesitate to let off steam. In fact, in my last review, my boss actually said, "I admire the way you get angry and say f**k a lot when something beyond your control goes wrong. You get rid of it right then and there rather than holding it in and seething like [co-worker]." This is true - once I swear it out, I'm good to go. I take a breath and move on.


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    Posted By: kimand48
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 12:24am
    I'm another highly introverted INFJ (but I'm close to an equal split between F/T) that feels pretty confident in front of a crowd but requires loads of quiet alone time. Did I finally find my tribe? 

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    Posted By: MadEyeMary
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 1:22am
    I have no idea which personality type I am, but from self-evaluation, I'm an Introvert at the core. I love time to myself. But I'm also sociable and extremely talkative in social settings. I will approach people and strike up conversation; I have 0 fear.

    So chameleon? Need a break after social interactions. But I fit myself to whichever situation. Probably more social IRL than most online types I've encountered.


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    Posted By: Janetinputney
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 5:26am
    I think I'm an ambivert too... I've got a fence post firmly in my bottom.  Or I swing both ways. 

    One of my best friends is an introvert though.  I watched this ted talk which I recommend for all introverts (so you're not alone) and all extroverts (to understand introverts better!)

    https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en" rel="nofollow - https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en



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    Posted By: beckyrcollins
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 6:15am
    ENFP represeeeeent 

    Extroverted all the way. If I spend the weekend at home/ on my own I just feel groggy. BUT too much time around people, I eventually feel like I go into overdrive and need a quiet day to switch off and reset.

    I really like my personality type, but those weaknesses are real. 'Poor practical skills' = loads of ideas started, none finished! One huge reason I love this contest -- it forces me to finish creative pieces! 


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    Posted By: Lisa_Who
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 7:49am
    INTJ, known for being disproportionately overrepresented in the population of Hollywood villains. :D  Though I realized long, long ago that to succeed in American society, especially in the American corporate workplace, I was going to have to learn to present a warm, nurturing, outgoing facade, so none of my coworkers have the faintest idea that I'm a raging introvert who wants nothing more than for all of them to go away.

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    Posted By: Alex Grey
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 8:06am
    Actually, forget Myers Briggs (I am an MB Practitioner!) - I found my personality in a meme on Facebook this morning:

    Canintrovert: someone who prefers to spend time with their dogs

    Tongue


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    Posted By: bartelbysamsa
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 9:18am
    I'm an ENFP...-T I think. But I don't really know what the T means, which is actually probably fitting for my personality type (Probably lost focus at that point). That said, I can flit wildly between extrovert and introvert. I find that acting and writing tend to satisfy the different wants and likes of each.

    Strangely, though I don't actually believe in at all, my star sign, Gemini, probably sums me up pretty exactly. I change like the wind!

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    Posted By: Dekay
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 9:55am
    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    INTJ, known for being disproportionately overrepresented in the population of Hollywood villains. :D  Though I realized long, long ago that to succeed in American society, especially in the American corporate workplace, I was going to have to learn to present a warm, nurturing, outgoing facade, so none of my coworkers have the faintest idea that I'm a raging introvert who wants nothing more than for all of them to go away.

    I had to study end punctuation etiquette because people would respond to my emails wondering why I was so angry. I couldn't understand why they put so much emotional weight to each sentence when I was just communicating deadlines, information, etc. It turns out, exclamation points go a long way. If I begin an email with "Good morning!" instead of "Good morning," no one acuses me of being angry. 


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    Posted By: Lisa_Who
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 10:26am
    Originally posted by Dekay Dekay wrote:

    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    INTJ, known for being disproportionately overrepresented in the population of Hollywood villains. :D  Though I realized long, long ago that to succeed in American society, especially in the American corporate workplace, I was going to have to learn to present a warm, nurturing, outgoing facade, so none of my coworkers have the faintest idea that I'm a raging introvert who wants nothing more than for all of them to go away.

    I had to study end punctuation etiquette because people would respond to my emails wondering why I was so angry. I couldn't understand why they put so much emotional weight to each sentence when I was just communicating deadlines, information, etc. It turns out, exclamation points go a long way. If I begin an email with "Good morning!" instead of "Good morning," no one acuses me of being angry. 

    Tips and tricks for any of my fellow female INTJs in the American corporate workplace:

    1. Practice grooming.  You probably won't be able to stand routinely doing much more than a minimal hair-and-makeup routine and clothes that aren't a challenge to match, but you can still do a lot within these parameters.  If you look nice and pretty, people (of both genders and all ages) are already subconsciously predisposed to like you.

    2. Practice smiling. Use a mirror, and test it out on family members, til it looks warm and natural.  This also predisposes people to like you, before you ever actually have to talk to them.

    3. Try to phrase everything in a form of a question, and include disclaimers reassuring them that everyone struggles with X!  even though you know it's not a f**king question, they just need to do it, and only an idiot wouldn't realize that BUT a pretty smile and a "Maybe you could try Y and Z--I know it's just not intuitive, what were the designers thinking?" will make them feel warm and validated.  And think you're warm and validating. 

    4. Sprinkle emoticons (don't overdo it, but use one or two) throughout your email and end the thing by thanking them, even though they haven't actually done anything to be thanked for ("existing" is a low bar, but hey).  

    Useful! :) 


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    Posted By: beckyrcollins
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 11:20am
    Originally posted by bartelbysamsa bartelbysamsa wrote:

    I'm an ENFP...-T I think. But I don't really know what the T means, which is actually probably fitting for my personality type (Probably lost focus at that point). That said, I can flit wildly between extrovert and introvert. I find that acting and writing tend to satisfy the different wants and likes of each.

    Strangely, though I don't actually believe in at all, my star sign, Gemini, probably sums me up pretty exactly. I change like the wind!

    "Turbulent (-T) individuals are self-conscious and sensitive to stress. They are likely to experience a wide range of emotions and to be success-driven, perfectionistic and eager to improve."

    I'm absolutely the -T as well. Doesn't work too well with ENFP, when you get all these ideas, don't see them through... then stress the f out because you're not *growing* as a writer. This has literally been me this week so reminding myself there's a reason for all the emotions is crazy cathartic!  


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    Posted By: Dekay
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 11:29am
    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    Originally posted by Dekay Dekay wrote:

    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    Though I realized long, long ago that to succeed in American society, especially in the American corporate workplace, I was going to have to learn to present a warm, nurturing, outgoing facade, so none of my coworkers have the faintest idea that I'm a raging introvert who wants nothing more than for all of them to go away.

    I had to study end punctuation etiquette because people would respond to my emails wondering why I was so angry. 

    Tips and tricks for any of my fellow female INTJs in the American corporate workplace:
     

    I wish someone had given me these tips five years ago. I had to learn most of them through (I kid you not) recording observable human interactions based on my behavior. What happens if I straighten my hair as opposed to wearing it curly? (People take me more seriously with straight hair). What happens if I wear a skirt instead of pants? (More people opened doors for me or let me pass first in a skirt.) This list continues, but you get the point.

    Tip #3 is especially useful for us, thank you.

    I would like to add another tip: Befriend ENFPs. They are open to our unconventional behaviors, do not judge us as heartless robots, are a crutch in social settings, and they have a lot to teach us about the value of emotions.


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    Posted By: Lisa_Who
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 11:34am
    Originally posted by Dekay Dekay wrote:

    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    Originally posted by Dekay Dekay wrote:

    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    Though I realized long, long ago that to succeed in American society, especially in the American corporate workplace, I was going to have to learn to present a warm, nurturing, outgoing facade, so none of my coworkers have the faintest idea that I'm a raging introvert who wants nothing more than for all of them to go away.

    I had to study end punctuation etiquette because people would respond to my emails wondering why I was so angry. 

    Tips and tricks for any of my fellow female INTJs in the American corporate workplace:
     

    I wish someone had given me these tips five years ago. I had to learn most of them through (I kid you not) recording observable human interactions based on my behavior. 

    I would like to add another tip: Befriend ENFPs. They are open to our unconventional behaviors, do not judge us as heartless robots, are a crutch in social settings, and they have a lot to teach us about the value of emotions.

    OH, same here--all my tips and tricks (and I have like 20 more!) were learned the hard way. I wish someone had shared with me too...but you know, apparently, a lot of people don't even HAVE to consciously learn this stuff. :)  They don't even know there is something to learn.  It's a shocker when you realize that.

    I strongly suspect my best friend from college, who is still my very good friend!  is an ENFP.  They get a lot out of friendships with us too, at least, my experience with her leads me to think so--we're handy walking pocket references/encyclopedias, we are serious and sensible when they need that, and they think how our minds work is fascinating. :) 


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    Posted By: beckyrcollins
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 11:34am
    Originally posted by Dekay Dekay wrote:


    I would like to add another tip: Befriend ENFPs. They are open to our unconventional behaviors, do not judge us as heartless robots, are a crutch in social settings, and they have a lot to teach us about the value of emotions.

    So. Many. Emotions. LOL


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    Posted By: chrissie0707
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 11:39am
    Originally posted by beckyrcollins beckyrcollins wrote:

    Originally posted by Dekay Dekay wrote:


    I would like to add another tip: Befriend ENFPs. They are open to our unconventional behaviors, do not judge us as heartless robots, are a crutch in social settings, and they have a lot to teach us about the value of emotions.


    So. Many. Emotions. LOL


    That's why I married one.

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    Posted By: Random
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 11:46am
    I'm INTP, but...

    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    1. Practice grooming.  You probably won't be able to stand routinely doing much more than a minimal hair-and-makeup routine and clothes that aren't a challenge to match, but you can still do a lot within these parameters.  If you look nice and pretty, people (of both genders and all ages) are already subconsciously predisposed to like you.

    Or cut your hair really short.  Works for me.  I also wear a lot of black/dark blue.  I have some dark red shirts, but jeans go with everything...

    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    2. Practice smiling. Use a mirror, and test it out on family members, til it looks warm and natural.  This also predisposes people to like you, before you ever actually have to talk to them.

    It's an interesting suggestion; Adolf Hitler practiced his gesticulations extensively in front of mirrors.  Speaking of mirrors, it's amazing how few people own one; I have to assume this is the reason they take all those selfies - because they don't know what they look like.  "Here's me in front of a white stone building"  That's Jupiter's Temple in Split and was completed before the Edict of Milan made Christianity legal in 312AD, but the building isn't as important as the ME.  Blech.

    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    3. Try to phrase everything in a form of a question, and include disclaimers reassuring them that everyone struggles with X!  even though you know it's not a f**king question, they just need to do it, and only an idiot wouldn't realize that BUT a pretty smile and a "Maybe you could try Y and Z--I know it's just not intuitive, what were the designers thinking?" will make them feel warm and validated.  And think you're warm and validating.

    I do.  "Why haven't you tried this blazingly obvious thing that would have solved your problem two weeks ago rather than churning over unrelated symptoms?"

    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    4. Sprinkle emoticons (don't overdo it, but use one or two) throughout your email and end the thing by thanking them, even though they haven't actually done anything to be thanked for ("existing" is a low bar, but hey). 

    Tongue   Big smile



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    Posted By: Lisa_Who
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 11:54am
    The hubs is INTP, we understand each other very well.  Though he thinks I'm a little too rigid and I think he's a little too indecisive. :)  

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    Posted By: beckyrcollins
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 11:55am
    Originally posted by chrissie0707 chrissie0707 wrote:

    Originally posted by beckyrcollins beckyrcollins wrote:

    Originally posted by Dekay Dekay wrote:


    I would like to add another tip: Befriend ENFPs. They are open to our unconventional behaviors, do not judge us as heartless robots, are a crutch in social settings, and they have a lot to teach us about the value of emotions.


    So. Many. Emotions. LOL
     

    That's why I married one.  

    cuuuute

    My SO's an INTP, a VERY interesting brain. He can look at any machinery and immediately like pick it apart and analyse it in his mind. Like how the pieces all connect to each other and what each individual piece does -- he SEES that. Complete wizardry to me. I'm pretty sure he'd say the same about my subconscious social skills though so we even out haha


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    Posted By: Random
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 12:16pm
    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    The hubs is INTP, we understand each other very well.  Though he thinks I'm a little too rigid and I think he's a little too indecisive. :)  


    I can't speak for anyone else, but what's the point in a decision when SWMBO is going to change it for you?

    In the likely event my answer isn't the one she's looking for the consequences are swift.  

    Far more efficient to do what she wants.  There are areas and situations where I do what I want, but she's not involved in any of them.

    Classic example; we carpooled in to work today, so she was awake while I got ready:
    Decided which lights I should have on (not the lights I turned on)...
    Told me I was getting dressed in the wrong location...
    I was also preparing for work in the wrong order...
    She would have turned right at that intersection...
    ...
    ...
    ...


    Big smile



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    Posted By: bleustick
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 1:13pm
    I had to retake the Myers-Briggs just to remember what I had, though it has changed a little over the years. I am an INFP-T, though I know I tested as INFJ in journalism school and narrowly as an INTJ in engineering school almost 10 years later. Now my INFP-T verdict is by a landslide on all traits, it seems. So I'm a "mediator." Not really news to me there.

    Guided by principles, led by purity of intent instead of rewards or punishment. Isolated. Fantasy worlds fascinate us more than any other personality type. Seek and value harmony. And so forth.

    I am a hardcore introvert overwhelmed by crowds. I also happen to have anxiety and am empathetic to a dangerous fault, so I hit a lot of the stereotypes, I guess. Grew up quiet and weird and pretty much raised myself by books, easy with a librarian for a grandma. Plastered my walls with old printed out articles and images and drawings of natural and man-made disasters. Hindenburg, Chernobyl, Lusitania, Pompeii. I was an inexplicably gloomy guilty kid who genuinely believed all the wrong in the world was her fault and felt crushed by a spiritual debt for which she was constantly trying to pay. I still suffer from this a bit. Thanks to my mom being the hospital's IT, we had a computer and internet earlier than most. I developed a small fan base/community by blogging as a teenager (in ye olde days of LiveJournal) and finally had some friends, many who I met in real life. One took me to get my tongue pierced. Another took me to my first underground punk show. I attended another's survival party, a party to celebrate her resilience despite losing her rape case against a previous employer. I spent a lunch break with a Canadian Suicide Girl, who I'd known for years online, and her husband. The first birthday and Christmas presents I ever experienced were from cam girls (in the short-lived celebrity days of reality web cams that later inspired reality TV), slam poets, performance artists, alt models. I felt more connected and understood by these other people hundreds of miles away and generally at least 5 years older than me, than anyone I'd met in "real life."

    I am that play-with-your-dog, color-with-your-kid person at bbqs and parties. Get me drunk or high and I might jump on a table and recite slam poetry about a go-go dancer with tangerine hair that lives in a giant tortoise shell, but then I'm still gonna go take a nap or hide at the library for a few days. I can play it straight enough to serve tables for a living, before I started trying to do writing full-time. And to take the kids to various classes, activities, and events. But I would nearly spend my life in bed with a book if I could. Even in the Navy, I spent literally every second chain-smoking and reading on the smoke deck of our ship that I could.

    I can't make myself shut up when in a messaging/internet sort of format. But I'm practically mute in real life. Wink It is what it is.


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    Posted By: Zelda
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 1:27pm
    Originally posted by bleustick bleustick wrote:

    Plastered my walls with old printed out articles and images and drawings of natural and man-made disasters. Hindenburg, Chernobyl, Lusitania, Pompeii. I was an inexplicably gloomy guilty kid who genuinely believed all the wrong in the world was her fault and felt crushed by a spiritual debt for which she was constantly trying to pay. I still suffer from this a bit. 

    Your whole post is awesome!! But this part is especially neat! I love disasters too!! Connecticut Circus Fire, earthquake of 1906, Hindenburg--definitely, Titanic, Carrollton Bus Crash, The Catholic School Fire of the 1960s (I think), etc., etc. 

    Let's be weird together!! Star


    Posted By: Random
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 1:30pm
    Originally posted by bleustick bleustick wrote:

    my life in bed with a book if I could. Even in the Navy, I spent literally every second chain-smoking and reading on the smoke deck of our ship that I could.



    So that was you chain smoking!  I put a cigarette out with a CO2 fire extinguisher once...and wore a gas mask on watch more than once.

    But I totally knew exactly where to hide and read my books topside.  Nobody ever looks up, and when you're behind a bunch of gear anyway...

    Liked being out on deck at night, too, especially when the moon was gone.  Sorry, all you civilians, if you've not seen the stars in the middle of the IO you've never seen the stars.  You can read a book by the light...

    Fun Navy story.  In 1984 we did operation Kennel-Freelance, *cough* 12 *cough* miles of the coast of Kamchatka near Petropavlovsk.  I was the only person on the ship bright enough to bring a copy of 1984 with me. 

    The wind chill on July 4 was -5 F.  That didn't stop us from wearing shorts and T-shirts on deck for the benefit of the MVD ship shadowing us.  We also used the opportunity to toss all our Boy's magazines over the side since they collected our garbage.  Fun times. 


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    Posted By: orange_oddity
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 2:02pm
    I'm majorly introverted - out of the Big 5 personality traits, it's my most dominant one & probably the one that dictates my lifestyle the most (Idk if you other introverts feel that. I feel that we need to put extra effort into navigating (or hiding from lol) a largely extraverted society)

    It's a super interesting question if group forums can cause introvert burn-outs. Personally, I think to post to forums initially is more determined by shyness, but engaging in a full-on conversation online might be a bit demanding for an introverted brain.

    It probably depends though. Introversion is technically a "super trait" and there are smaller personality aspects which make it up and they vary from person to person. So, people can be introverted in different ways. So maybe there's a particular sub-type of introversion who'd be less likely to post?

    I'm a bit sceptical of the Myer's Briggs test - from what I've read it doesn't seem to have a lot of cred amongst psychologists (thought its fun). I remember my boyfriend, who considers himself introverted, took it and got ENFP - so that was pretty weird. Has anyone else experienced this with the test?

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    Posted By: bleustick
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 2:07pm
    Originally posted by Zelda Zelda wrote:

    Your whole post is awesome!! But this part is especially neat! I love disasters too!! Connecticut Circus Fire, earthquake of 1906, Hindenburg--definitely, Titanic, Carrollton Bus Crash, The Catholic School Fire of the 1960s (I think), etc., etc. 

    Let's be weird together!! Star

    Haha, well, I'm glad my weird appeals to some. You might like Witch Baby by Francesca Lia Block. It is the second book in her Dangerous Angel/ Weetzie Bat series, and it is YA. But it was the first example I had of another person (albeit a character) tormented by world tragedies, still one of the only examples of it that I've read to this day.


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    Posted By: bleustick
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 2:29pm
    Originally posted by Random Random wrote:

    So that was you chain smoking!  I put a cigarette out with a CO2 fire extinguisher once...and wore a gas mask on watch more than once.

    But I totally knew exactly where to hide and read my books topside.  Nobody ever looks up, and when you're behind a bunch of gear anyway...

    Liked being out on deck at night, too, especially when the moon was gone.  Sorry, all you civilians, if you've not seen the stars in the middle of the IO you've never seen the stars.  You can read a book by the light...

    Fun Navy story.  In 1984 we did operation Kennel-Freelance, *cough* 12 *cough* miles of the coast of Kamchatka near Petropavlovsk.  I was the only person on the ship bright enough to bring a copy of 1984 with me. 

    The wind chill on July 4 was -5 F.  That didn't stop us from wearing shorts and T-shirts on deck for the benefit of the MVD ship shadowing us.  We also used the opportunity to toss all our Boy's magazines over the side since they collected our garbage.  Fun times. 

    Ha, the smoke deck was the closest you got to fresh air on the Big Stick, unless you worked on the flight deck. And the smell of jet fuel, jet cleaners, asbestos, and melting plastic sort of overwhelmed any sense of fresh air up there, anyway. I put out a cigarette fire myself once with a fire extinguisher, while in 'A' school. That's about as useful as all my firefighter training proved to be, thankfully. (Anyone who has never attempted the military, all US Navy recruits become certified firefighters in boot camp because there is no exiting a Navy vessel during a fire drill, regardless of what a keen swimmer you are.

    Stars were beautiful but the sunsets are what seem impossible to describe to anyone who has never been on a ship in the middle of the ocean. They are beautiful but also bizarrely fast, supernatural even. The sun is up, then diving down unusually quick like a time lapse video. Then pink and orange everywhere before a sudden FLASH of red/orange bright light and... It was gone. Just phenomenal to watch.


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    Posted By: Random
    Date Posted: 01 Feb 2019 at 2:44pm
    Originally posted by bleustick bleustick wrote:

    Ha, the smoke deck was the closest you got to fresh air on the Big Stick, unless you worked on the flight deck.


    Ah, the Teddy R.  I had a chance to be a plank owner on that one, but I would have had to re-enlist. 

    Was on Cell Block 70 for some reason when it was at NAS Alameda and they called a security alert, so the guy I was with took me down into 2 MMR (where Marines fear to tread).  Spent the next 40 minutes or so sitting in EOS shooting the...breeze with the shutdown reactor operator.

    Dang those things are big.




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    Posted By: Random
    Date Posted: 02 Feb 2019 at 11:47am
    Just as a follow up, I retook the test at 16personalities.com, and had SWMBO take it for the first time ever.

    Me:
    INTP-T
    She:
    ESFJ-A

    I realize opposites are supposed to attract, but that seems potentially hypergolic.  I'm concerned that once the 'honeymoon' phase wears off (we've only been married 13 years) it could get explosive...

    Big smile


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    Posted By: Lisa_Who
    Date Posted: 03 Feb 2019 at 5:42pm
    This is the funniest Myers-Briggs writeup I've ever read:

    http://philolzophy.tumblr.com/post/3031147167/myers-briggs-dating-field-guide" rel="nofollow - http://philolzophy.tumblr.com/post/3031147167/myers-briggs-dating-field-guide






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    Posted By: sarahnut
    Date Posted: 03 Feb 2019 at 6:26pm
    Originally posted by Lisa_Who Lisa_Who wrote:

    This is the funniest Myers-Briggs writeup I've ever read:

    http://philolzophy.tumblr.com/post/3031147167/myers-briggs-dating-field-guide" rel="nofollow - http://philolzophy.tumblr.com/post/3031147167/myers-briggs-dating-field-guide





    Oh my goodness...I'm

    INFP-
    Why you want one: They’ll read you poetry and rub your back while you fall asleep, they have the most comfortable beds. - Yes! I'm very proud of my comfortable bed!
    Spoiler Alert: May suffocate you with intensity. (Not sure I'm that intense..) May cry during a commercial for McDonald’s. Baaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah....this is so me! We went to see Mary Poppins Returns the other day and I was crying within 5 minutes (don't ask my why - I couldn't tell you!).
    Where to find one: Getting existential at some dive bar with a small but intense looking group of people who all look remotely like someone who used to babysit you. (Actually probably more likely to be at home watching telly but hey, if you think I'm cool enough for this, that's fine)
    Pickup technique: Say you think care ethics is an overlooked school of thought or that you 'really resonate’ with Joni Mitchell or anything else deep + nice sounding. (But not too deep - I'll be scared of you being too smart!)


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    Posted By: northernwriter
    Date Posted: 11 Feb 2019 at 1:07am
    Extrovert here!

    I used to be an introvert and I know they say people can't change. But I trained myself to go and talk to people - now I love it and thrive on hearing their stories and chatting them up!

    I was INFP. Now I'm ENFP.


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    Posted By: patsy
    Date Posted: 11 Feb 2019 at 9:44am
    Major Introvert and fellow INFJ Smile

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    Posted By: nixie
    Date Posted: 11 Feb 2019 at 11:17am
    Originally posted by northernwriter northernwriter wrote:

    Extrovert here!

    I used to be an introvert and I know they say people can't change. But I trained myself to go and talk to people - now I love it and thrive on hearing their stories and chatting them up!

    I was INFP. Now I'm ENFP.

    Westerners seem to have this idea that an introvert can't be gregarious - Americans, especially, since we lionize the gregarious extrovert as the only valid/successful personality type.  Introversion and extroversion are not about shyness, or gregariousness - those words are commonly misused and treated as the same thing. At heart, they are about stimulus levels.

    An introvert gets stressed when the number of simultaneous stimuli rises above a certain level. An extrovert stresses when they drop below a certain level.  So the introvert 'recharges" by getting away from things, while the extrovert recharges and is energized by increasing the number of things they are interacting with (party with lots of friends, out to the pub to hang with the lads, etc.)

    I congratulate you on training out of a behavior that you felt wasn't serving you - it's a *hard* thing to do!  I also wonder whether that was a change from introversion to extroversion, or whether our muddled definitions just caused you to be mislabeled earlier on...?  

    Lots of folks who are 'borderline' swing back and forth across the line on the test depending on day and mood (mine is a constant wiggle between INTJ and ISTJ - not a broad range, i just fall a little to one side or the other of the centerline depending on the day). So now I am curious whether you changed a behavior, modified what's generally considered a wired-in stimulus response, or "were centerline on the stimulus, and changed an associated but falsely-linked behavior").  

    If you're comfortable telling us more about that, I'd be really curious to know just what that looked like for you!   :)


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    Posted By: Tim G
    Date Posted: 11 Feb 2019 at 11:25am
    I'm just overt.

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    Posted By: chrissie0707
    Date Posted: 11 Feb 2019 at 2:19pm
    Originally posted by nixie nixie wrote:

    Lots of folks who are 'borderline' swing back and forth across the line on the test depending on day and mood (mine is a constant wiggle between INTJ and ISTJ - not a broad range, i just fall a little to one side or the other of the centerline depending on the day). So now I am curious whether you changed a behavior, modified what's generally considered a wired-in stimulus response, or "were centerline on the stimulus, and changed an associated but falsely-linked behavior").  


    It's so interesting - I've noticed a lot of my friends have one "letter" in their type that they waver on, depending on the day, situation, etc. For me, it's the T/F. I am at heart an INFJ, but if someone near me is getting TOO emotional or having an energy level that is just too much for me, I go full INTJ, and switch the "feeling" lever off so I don't become overwhelmed by another person's emotions.



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    Posted By: nixie
    Date Posted: 11 Feb 2019 at 3:06pm
    Originally posted by chrissie0707 chrissie0707 wrote:

     

    It's so interesting - I've noticed a lot of my friends have one "letter" in their type that they waver on, depending on the day, situation, etc. For me, it's the T/F. I am at heart an INFJ, but if someone near me is getting TOO emotional or having an energy level that is just too much for me, I go full INTJ, and switch the "feeling" lever off so I don't become overwhelmed by another person's emotions.


    It's an aspect of the test/results that I think bears more PR.  It seems common, and yet rarely a rel discussion topic.  Almost everyone I know has a 'waver' element - and it's always consistent:  three solid foundations and a 4th that hovers at the borderline.  

    Have to admit, I don't "see" my hover in the day to day as clearly as you do, Chrissie - great self-awareness! :)


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