Print Page | Close Window

Challenge 2 Feedback

Printed From: NYC Midnight : Creative Writing & Screenwriting
Category: GENERAL DISCUSSION
Forum Name: Creative Writing Corner
Forum Description: Discuss NYC Midnight Creative Writing Competitions or Creative Writing in general.
URL: https://forums.nycmidnight.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=11498
Printed Date: 23 Oct 2017 at 10:13pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.10 - http://www.webwizforums.com


Topic: Challenge 2 Feedback
Posted By: patsy
Subject: Challenge 2 Feedback
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 10:48am
I'll start!  BTW, does anyone know what the heck a "table read" is????????
 

Dear Patsy Pratt-Herzog,

The feedback from the judges on your Flash Fiction Challenge 2015 story from Challenge #2 is below.  We hope you find the feedback helpful and you enjoyed the competition!

 

''Letters Labyrinths and Lies'' by Patsy Pratt-Herzog - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - I liked the overall idea - that there was an answer to this famous mystery kept hidden. I liked that you framed the story with the bits with Elizabeth years later.  I think you did well capturing the mysterious atmosphere of the labyrinth. I liked how you worked the bureaucracy in and how it interferes with the truth.  I thought the note about people practicing the occult in London was a good detail for the Victorian time period................Bookending the story as a memory/historical revelation worked well, giving the tale a sense of authenticity.  Using an argument to convey expository information worked well, too. ..................................................................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - The main story feels odd in a way, in that it contains so much small detail that it can't really be what Edmund is telling Elizabeth.  If you want to tell it in the first person as you do, I'd suggest keeping his audience in mind (Elizabeth, in this case, not the reader in general)  Phrase Edmund's language in a way to indicate that this is actually an oral story, not a cleanly edited written one................The story contains elements of horror, thriller and alternative history.  Perhaps weaving in other alternatives to who Jack really was might have added to the possible reality of the tale.  Dialog was a bit stilted as if people talked in complete sentences. A 'table read' and edit might help...............................…............................................................……………………………

 
I did find it kind of amusing that the judges like the frame where most people on the forum didn't.  Just goes to show you never know what they'll like!  And I was under the impression that high-born people in the Victorian Era did speak properly! 


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15784_post191647.html#191647" rel="nofollow - My Flash R2 Link



Replies:
Posted By: csderuyter
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 10:56am
Here's mine.  Interesting that the first negative doesn't seem like it's a negative comment...  

Story got 11 points, btw.  

Dear Cindy DeRuyter,

The feedback from the judges on your Flash Fiction Challenge 2015 story from Challenge #2 is below.  We hope you find the feedback helpful and you enjoyed the competition!

 

''A Frog Eat Frog World'' by Cindy DeRuyter - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ............Good writing here. The voice feels authentic, esp through lines like this: revenge scenarios that I knew I would never see through. And it made me laugh!..................Very tight and delightful! Loved how Ms. Sieger's fantasy of early retirement blends into her revenge fantasy re: Mrs. Krank; also loved how she knew she wouldn't act on the latter. The contrast between the innocence of Fairy Tale frog kissing and Craig's quest for a psychedelic high is such a hoot! Very satisfactory that she left the mob leaping free: Lol'd @ “Not my Lilly pad, not my frogs!”...................................................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ............I like the increasing rrriiibbits too. I think the last line is perhaps forced -- the idea of raining frogs and biblical meaning has been done a lot -- but even so, this story stands out for me. Great, steady tone and a fun unfolding from the first person POV. ..................You use the term “detention hall” two times too many in your synopsis which will be more succinct once edited down. As I enjoy Ms. Seiger, I also want some hope for her teaching career woven in as part of her fantasies: why DID she sign on for this gig, after all?...............…............................................................……………………………



-------------
Ch 2 Story: http://bit.ly/2wzhpcb" rel="nofollow - Room 207
- Cindy



Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 10:59am
Not really sure what to think about the second judge's "didn't likes". I feel like he/she thinks I made this story up, and I most definitely did not. Ugh. Oh well! Can't complain considering they decided it was good enough to advance me to the next stage of the contest. 

''Kleine Mäuse'' by Jenna Willett - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ............................................................The image of the roses in Rene's dreams is so powerful in this story, and the moment where the children imagine what they smell like is just lovely. It contrasts so well with the horror around them. I'm as horrified as Rene is when Georges is taken away.  ......The dialogue between Rene and the children is very effective--I really enjoyed that the story returns to the image of the rose throughout. The ending, describing Rene's death is executed wonderfully--the hallucination is beautiful in such a wasteland. ...............…...I absolutely love the roses symbol/motif that pulses through this piece! It grounds the reader and provides quite a jarring juxtaposition -- the beauty of roses (and home, candy, strawberries, as you say) with the cold terror of the lab and the concentration camp. I feel like I can hear every voice in this piece, and the ending is gorgeous -- both the roses blooming metaphorically as Rene dies and the little girl at the grave with the mouse running away. "To Freedom" is especially powerful. ........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - .............................................…............Given what happens in this story, I think three pages is too little space to cover it. Though the reader is likely familiar with what to expect in a concentration camp, I wanted the writer to set the scene more concretely, to do more work to create the relationship between Rene and the children. What happens to Georges is horrifying, but without knowing him better--what is being lost--his death is not as meaningful as it could be. ......While I understand the symbolism of the very last paragraph (the flash forward), it takes away from the power of the ending. I think this piece can be removed from the final story...................While your harrowing story appropriately conveys the horrors of the concentration camps and Holocaust atrocities, I do think it starts to sound a little like a horror movie when the children hang from hooks. I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films; I think it's in the way the children are brought into the room and hung up, coupled with the words you use to describe them ("toes twitched and his skeletal shoulders jerked. Urine trickled down his legs..."). I don't fully understand why Rene is standing there watching this happen, since he too is a prisoner, without being restrained. I assume that he is not a Jew, which makes me wonder why he is imprisoned. I also have to wonder WHY this hanging is occuring, since I don't believe this is usually how such deaths occured, especially since it's a lab that seems to conduct experiments on the prison population. What is the point of "We don’t have enough. We’ll have to use morphine” and the posionous air if they just plan to hang the children anyway? I know they are already unconscious (via morphine), but then why the hanging? I think you might just clarify this point and Rene's role in the terrifying scene. ........................……………………………

 



-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: salgal80
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:01am
I thought my feedback was thoughtful and helpful....  Story received 13 points.   It was suspense....group 33.
 
For the record--epee is a sport and the points are not sharp.
The other comments are spot on and could have been easily corrected with few words, I think.
 
 
 
''For the Love of Adam'' by Sally Simon - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ......Emma is an appealing character, and it's easy to empathize with her. The ending is unexpected. It's heartbreaking to learn the truth about Adam............................................................................…...........................…Talk about suspense! Your last line makes me more curious as to why the main character believes her son is alive. ………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ......Why would everyone in the village love to see Emma fail and move away? It seems irresponsible that Emma was allowing her son, whom she thought was alive, to play with a pointy weapon. I think it would benefit the story if you made it clearer what Siegfried's relationship to Emma is at the end of the story. He says the people know she'll be with him. Were they already married? Getting married that day?.......................................…............................................................……How can one cake save the bakery? Dig more into the importance of making this cake. What are some clues that allude to the idea that Adam doesn't really exist besides in the main characer's mind?………………………


-------------
SSC Rd 1 Heat 38
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/heat-38-romance%20_topic14122.html" rel="nofollow - A Game Between Friends


Posted By: BenFJackson
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:01am
Mine was exactly what I would have said regarding my own story, which is good?  I think?

 

''Neg Barba and the Riches of Regents'' by Ben Jackson - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ...Interesting premise. The mech parrot is a great image....I like the story's humor. The first sentence is hard to forget.  I also like how the historical elements are transformed by science fiction details............................................................................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ...I struggled to understand the setting of this story, both temporally and spatially. The science fiction aspects feel like window dressing to what would otherwise be a typical pirate story. Although I'm interested in the dimensional key, it's never explored enough for me to understand the implications of this particular character using it....I think the ending could have more impact. You might have more details about what was in the nanoVault........................................…............................................................……………………………


http://forums.nycmidnight.com/ch2-gr9-scifi-neg-barba-the-riches-of-regents_topic11164.html" rel="nofollow - Here's the story



-------------
http://bit.ly/2jLg8bH" rel="nofollow - RD#1 CH#1 GR#73 Horror/Sandbar/Balloon 14 points
http://bit.ly/2xhDEjJ" rel="nofollow - Rd1 CH2 GR73 Spy/Coffeeshop/Cookbook


Posted By: DBA Lehane
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:07am
Does anyone ever disagree with the "likes"? :D

-------------
FFC 2015 4th Placed Finaist | SSC 2014 + 2016 Finalist


Posted By: ballard7
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:09am
This feedback is actually helpful, If only because it appears I was held down because of demands of the genre (historical fiction):


WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY 

I thought you researched the historical and mythological details very well.  I like that you chose a somewhat lesser known story in history to explore.  I liked the turn at the end with Evans (although I also made a note about it in the other column), and I like how the urgency and action rises at the end.

Beginning the story in media res – in the middle of the action – added suspense and excitement to the story. Characters were quickly sketched and the historical setting and feud between archeologists established.  The resolution was a great twist and the missing twine an added coda.

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK 

I would be a bit cautious about some of the details of your story, the first being when Sam Cockerell died, and the second being to implicate Evans in this cover-up. Historical fiction fills in the gaps among things that we know to be true, whereas those two things I mentioned might be easily disproved (or in Evans' case, slanderous). (This had occurred to me -- although you cannot "slander" the dead, I wondered if it would offend purists if they knew of, or looked up, the historical figures)

The story contains more than a bit of science fiction or fantasy which pushes it towards the alternative history genre at least.  (Which, yeah, I've never understood why alternate history was "science fiction," but that's what I did, and now I know better). Perhaps some uncertainty as to the type and nature of the skeletal remains might have worked better – even have Sam notice, and doubt -but be trapped by his companion's fears anyway.


The Shakespearean title was a bit misleading and a distraction, too. (Someone in the forum asked me about the relevance to Puck's line in Midsummer Night's Dream -- there is none -- I just liked the line as a title, but it had nothing to do with the story).


-------------
http://tinyurl.com/hku994s" rel="nofollow - R1 G27 That Doesn't Sound Like a No (Drama)


Posted By: sunshinequeen
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:15am
''Burned'' by Sarah LeDoux -
 WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ......................................................
The integration of the zipper in this story is perfectly haunting. The piece intrigues the reader, and leaves them wanting more. ...............

Very creepy. The imagery in here is genuinely interesting and cuts deep, especially at the end when Cara's body is discovered............…...............

The ambitious non-linear narrative and the changing voices as you focalize through different characters are impressive. ............…………………………   

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - .............................................…......
This piece tries to do too much in the given space and ends up selling itself short. The shifts in perspective can work much better in a longer story; here, that come off as largely disjointed. ...............

The vignette format felt gratuitous, it didn't really add much to the story and felt like a weak attempt to make the story stand out more. Same goes for the poetry stuff, which may have felt right in another piece, but felt out of place here. ...........................

The ambitious structure makes the story slightly difficult to follow, althought a second read-through clarifies what happened and when. Perhaps placing the second section--Grace's disappearance--first might be less jarring for the reader. The last section is also slightly unclear, though the parallel to the Christmas candles is strong and great running element of this compelling piece. ............……………………………

-----------------------------------------------------
To me, this speaks to how awesome and useful the forum feedback is. The judges got my dead character wrong, and poetry stuff? What poetry stuff???


Posted By: sunshinequeen
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:16am
Basically my feelings are way hurt by the second judge's dislikes. I hate that they thought I was being show-offy, when I just thought it was about time wax figures/stuffed humans had a voice, damnit. LOL


Posted By: Archon1995
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:18am

I seem to have caught the judges in wanting to know more about Aoi & Davd's world as much as several of you were. Ah, the limits of length.  :-)

Uhm, I could have told this story about any of the children. Davd is special because he was receptive to Aoi's influence, but so were all the others she taught. Also, power and importance do not necessarily equate to heightened intelligence...just look at the current political landscape.  ;-) 

''The Origamist'' by Tracy Soldan - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ...Fascinating worldbuilding. Strong prose, and good use of experimental language...............................................................................…..................The simplicity of an elderly woman teaching a young boy origami in a dystopian world is an excellent visual. It had a good moral to the story, showing that creativity and critical thinking are essential to a child’s growth. .........…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ...Because the end reveals that she has done this with numerous children, it makes me wonder why you've told us the story of Davd rather than any of the others? A cyclical story is only satisfying if it shows the way in which a cycle starts, breaks, or changes. What is special about Davd, even more so than the others?..........................................…...................................................It’s hinted that the origami helps the children she teaches go on to become super intelligent, super important people – why? The ending states that a dome shields this planet, but that she hopes the children she teaches will be able to go outside someday – what’s happened? Why bring this up if it isn’t elaborated on? .........……………………………



-------------
R1C1 G7 https://bit.ly/2vtL3LA" rel="nofollow - PRESSURE POINT


Posted By: GinaG
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:21am
Originally posted by patsy patsy wrote:

I'll start!  BTW, does anyone know what the heck a "table read" is????????
 

................................................……………………………



I assume they mean the same as a table read when you're working on a script? Just means you sit around a table and read it out loud. Seems an odd phrase choice for a piece of fiction - why not just say 'read it out loud?'

Although, my confirmation email let me know I'm submitted for the third round of the screenplay challenge, so maybe there's script vs story confusion all around.


Posted By: patsy
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:34am
Originally posted by GinaG GinaG wrote:

Originally posted by patsy patsy wrote:

I'll start!  BTW, does anyone know what the heck a "table read" is????????
 

................................................……………………………



I assume they mean the same as a table read when you're working on a script? Just means you sit around a table and read it out loud. Seems an odd phrase choice for a piece of fiction - why not just say 'read it out loud?'

Although, my confirmation email let me know I'm submitted for the third round of the screenplay challenge, so maybe there's script vs story confusion all around.
 
Thanks Gina!  I don't speak Screenplay Wink


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15784_post191647.html#191647" rel="nofollow - My Flash R2 Link


Posted By: BPM
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:35am
Originally posted by sunshinequeen sunshinequeen wrote:

''Burned'' by Sarah LeDoux -
 

The vignette format felt gratuitous, it didn't really add much to the story and felt like a weak attempt to make the story stand out more. Same goes for the poetry stuff, which may have felt right in another piece, but felt out of place here. ...........................

It is very unfortunate that NYCMidnight would hire judges that would use the word "weak" above in this comment.  Very much so, to me.  Enough to consult with them in a personal email, if I were you.  There is no reason for that word to exist other than to make you feel poorly. It could have been said other ways, and other judges said it different ways.  The comment is not by itself inappropriate- but the phrasing of the comment--- what is that judge after and why is that judge commenting not on your story but on you?  This is disappointing to me.


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/grp7-cupcakes-and-crossfit_topic14599.html


Posted By: mwit08
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:38am
So...based on this feedback (most of which I agree with), there seems to be a lot more that they disliked than liked, which again begs the question, how did this even manage to score 7 points?  Their one chief complaint seems to be why did all this randomly happen to poor Rose?  Had I not had to cut out 40% of the story in order to be at 1,000 words, that question would've probably been answered better.  Oh well--there's always next time!
 

 

''Heart's Desires'' - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ...Rose is a sympathetic character...................Stating that "Madame Maldame took both of Rose’s slightly sweaty palms into her own hands" is an excellent way to convey that Rose is nervous. …  ..............................A tight well-written story with a horror twist.

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ...For this to work as a fairy tale, we either need to know what Madame's motivation is, or we need to better understand what moralistic lesson Rose must learn. She's being punished here for wanting a better life, but that doesn't seem to be enough of a crime. Perhaps if this were expanded and we saw a scene of her fighting the witch, we could see more of what her true failings are, and how she overcomes them. Then she might have the opportunity to grow and change...................It would be good to hint at why Madame Maldame wants everything in the orphanage. Perhaps she could make a comment that might seem offhand when Rose first encounters her but that makes sense in the end. … Sometimes written dialect can slow a story down as readers pause to comprehend it. Conveying dialect often only requires hints of the dialect without needing to change many words. You might consider simplifying the way you write Madame Maldame's dialect.........................…...This is a good story, however there is no moral or victory for the protag. Although dark fairytales are a trend, darkness and powerlessness against evil is not really part of the traditional fairytale.  The moral of not trusting strange people bearing gifts is a good one but getting a protagonist out of a bad situation is the core of a fairytale. This feels like an adaptation of Rumplestiltskin with no way out.

 



-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic11311_post124656.html#124656" rel="nofollow - CH2, G32 - Heart's Desires


Posted By: maiaco
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:40am
Here's mine - my story got 11 points, so not too disappointing. 

''Un, Deux, Trois'' by Gill Breeze - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ........................A nice story with a good sense of mystery and good use of characterization and dialog. Excellent use of the mandatory story elements.......What I enjoy most is the originality of this trio, the mystery of their dynamic, and question of how their scales would tip: was this genuine playfulness or a con game? They certainly “met cute” with Dani literally playing with fire and now the mother trusting her games in the edgy and questionable locale of a junkyard. Your pacing is smooth and dialogue delightful. The apparent innocence of th outing, albeit somewhat risky, plays out well against the mother's paranoia....................................................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ........................There is some passive voice in this story, consider editing to make the story tighter and faster flowing. I’d also like to know a little more about the narrator of the story, she seems awfully passive within this, and so little is revealed or understood about her. Show the reader a little more about her......What I don't get is what kind of characters are we dealing with? How did this scenario come about? At first I thought Dani might be a recently-hired au pair still on a probationary period. But noooo ~ she's a stranger they met @ a holiday festival and now are following, like some edgy Pied Piper, into a Junk Yard? Who just happens to be carrying some heavy-duty tools In her well-worn satchel? The Mom is a bit too much of a mystery, too. Why would she risk herself and her son? She sounds too mentally unstable ~ was that intended: an easy mark? ...............…............................................................……………………………

Haha - mentally unstable??  Most of the feedback reflected pretty much what the forum feedback commented on, apart from the mentally unstable comment......... still giggling about that LOL


-------------
R2 Gp54: http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15809_post191706.html#191706" rel="nofollow - The Memory Box

no baby acorns have died in the writing of this story



Posted By: Eggcorn
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:51am
They like me, they really like me. Beer LOL

Actually, I'm surprised with the feedback. I knew it did well in the forums, but one judge had nothing to change, and the other judge didn't say anything that anyone in the forums hadn't already said. Which I guess is a good thing; I'm just still kind of surprised really.

Actually, now I really feel like my round 3 story won't live up to expectations. Pinch

 

''Original Copies'' by Meagan Noel Hart - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ..............................You have some shocking revelations here, and do a great job describing how they reverberate internally for Sam. Nice metaphor in that Sam turns critical eye for printing imperfections in on himself in comparison to his twin.  Your knowledge of the printing job's technical aspects displays a good grasp of the field: “God is in the details.” Marty's “being bad at being loved too much” is an intriguing aspect of this intimate duet, and reveals that he may have suffered guilt at being the Golden Boy....................................................…......How powerful! Hemingway meets Munro writing. Very impressed. The comparison of "comparisonsas a twin vs. being a brother via copies" is brilliant. BRAVO! .....................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ..............................No complaints; this is quite a gem: Bravo! You might want to look into Dr. Brian Swimme's series, Canticle to the Cosmos, the segment on “Differentiation, Subjectivity and Communion” as the Fundamental Order of the Universe. It absolutely applies to your wonderful story!...............….......................................While the lack of exposition works well, it could be worth revising to find some areas where just a little bit more can be given. There were some moments that felt jarring - and may have taken me out of the story for a brief second. .....................……………………………

-------------
G59 http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15017_post180256.html#180256" rel="nofollow - C1: “Prisoner 459" 11pts
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15959_post192589.html#192589" rel="nofollow - Ch2 "Daring Derby"


Posted By: Eggcorn
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:54am
Originally posted by patsy patsy wrote:


I did find it kind of amusing that the judges like the frame where most people on the forum didn't.  Just goes to show you never know what they'll like!  And I was under the impression that high-born people in the Victorian Era did speak properly! 


This is so true! But in this case, I remember you saying that you and your Beta's felt the fame was definitely needed. So it may be more a matter of the judge better identified the issue than we did. I felt the frame didn't fit the story, but this change does make sense and would make the frame feel more natural. I think its easier to attack frame because its a simple delete rather than change all the beautiful detail you gave us in the middle. Clearly, your story stuck with me. Smile


-------------
G59 http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15017_post180256.html#180256" rel="nofollow - C1: “Prisoner 459" 11pts
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15959_post192589.html#192589" rel="nofollow - Ch2 "Daring Derby"


Posted By: nixie
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:56am
Originally posted by patsy patsy wrote:

I'll start!  BTW, does anyone know what the heck a "table read" is????????
 

Remember that NYCM is primarily film-oriented. :)  

In film or, especially TV, writes/actors may gather around [a table - though not always] with coffee and draft scripts to read aloud, so they can hear how the dialogue plays. It gives a different take then just reading, and allows them to start planning the physical action, see how well certain lines play off the actor delivering the next/previous line (and sometimes causes a change in 'who says what' in order to make it play better).  It's kind of like a slimmed-down non-dress rehearsal that lets them "test" the draft script and refine it.


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15910_post192199.html#192199" rel="nofollow - Ch2 The Devil In The Details


Posted By: MegOverman
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:59am
''A Running Race'' by Meg Overman - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ...............A fantasy of Gods, universes, cultures – and coffee.  Nectar of all writers, bane to all storytellers, this tale tells both sides of the issue. A clever, well thought out concept....................................The worldbuilding was so good. The idea of creators pondering their creations' creations was very intriguing and well-told...............................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ...............The story seems… too caffinated. Too much in a rush, so that sections need be read and reread to tease the ideas from them.  A little more clarity, and to that end, slowing down the storytelling a bit, might have helped...............................…...Watch filter words such as noticed, feel, saw. Bring the action closer. Also...it's funny the things that push you out of a story. The name Java, and especially after it is linked with the word "excel" and with someone with beans who is drinking a pale liquid undermines the reader's attention. The mind wanders away from the story because the reader is anticipating some kind of playful software mind-game OR thinking the main characters are part of a sentient computer program. I'd recommend changing that......



My favorite part about this is that the final judge interpreted "Java" in a way no one else who read it did, but feared that it would distract many readers. (Actually, I think the name could be distracting...but because of the coffee in-your-face tie. I didn't even think of the computery thing.)

Anyway, decent feedback! As ever, I have plenty to think about in revision.


-------------
Have a glass of wine and take it like a writer.

https://tinyurl.com/ycdx59pv" rel="nofollow - R1 H/F (15)
http://tinyurl.com/y98gvet4" rel="nofollow - R2 Suspense (Like Father)


Posted By: patsy
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 12:01pm
Originally posted by Eggcorn Eggcorn wrote:

Originally posted by patsy patsy wrote:


I did find it kind of amusing that the judges like the frame where most people on the forum didn't.  Just goes to show you never know what they'll like!  And I was under the impression that high-born people in the Victorian Era did speak properly! 


This is so true! But in this case, I remember you saying that you and your Beta's felt the fame was definitely needed. So it may be more a matter of the judge better identified the issue than we did. I felt the frame didn't fit the story, but this change does make sense and would make the frame feel more natural. I think its easier to attack frame because its a simple delete rather than change all the beautiful detail you gave us in the middle. Clearly, your story stuck with me. Smile
 
Thanks for that Smile  
I did write the story first and add the frame, but I thought of it as more of a flashback than a direct tell to his daughter.  What the judges suggested would have fixed both problems though, the one people picked up in the forum and the one they picked up on.  Someone else suggested I cut Elizabeth and just have him going through his things alone and finding the letter.  The flashback aspect they didn't like would have worked better with that angle too.   Ah well.  At least I learned something!!  That's why we do these thing . . . to learn! 


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15784_post191647.html#191647" rel="nofollow - My Flash R2 Link


Posted By: WriterByNight
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 12:58pm
I'm quite pleased with the feedback I received this round. I agree with everything I need to work on. My story had a lot of room to improve.

''The Woman Time Forgot''

 WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - .........The opening is well grounded and presents a conflict and a mystery, so it's a grabber. The protagonist's slow burgeoning of awareness as to where she is and what's happened by using the car blinker is organic and feels realistic; it also helps ground the reader. The visual details of the restaurant are sharply rendered. The narrative flows smoothly.//...................
........I thought this was a very well crafted story and even though I suspected that the woman was a ghost you did a great job of weaving in the details and creating a “supernatural” but truthful feeling to the whole thing..............................................…...........................…………………………  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - .........There's some confusion in that our protagonist's reaction to being waited on/served--although she knows the place is abandoned--is calm, cool, and collected, as though a waitress/bartender in an abandoned building comes up to a person every day. Wouldn't she have some sort of reaction? Even if she's dreaming (which also isn't clear), she might say, "you can't be real" or "are you a ghost" -- but something; one of the important aspects in magic realism is the inability of the character to accept what he's seeing right away; the character often needs a bit of convincing. The fact that she accepts all of this weirdness right off the bat is jarring and confusing, because she knows this place is abandoned. Further confusion happens at the end, when she seems to believe that there was a real woman there even though it's clear a few paragraphs before that the woman she saw is the same one in the painting on wall who obviously doesn't exist.........................
...I thoroughly enjoyed this and there’s not much I can think of to make it better. Just being nit-picky, I don’t love the title because it’s not about the ghost woman. I don’t think it really adds anything to the story and in fact it confuses me a little from the experience of the story. You do mention it in the story but I’d say that’s probably the weakest part to me. Why does she feel that way? I think you could develop that a little more, or lose it and make it all about the woman in the car accident

-------------
FFC R2 | https://tinyurl.com/y8aocqq5" rel="nofollow - Defenestrated

FFC R1 | https://tinyurl.com/yagf6lut" rel="nofollow - The Farmer from Aschilles | 10 pts


Posted By: Sysanet
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 1:10pm
Originally posted by patsy patsy wrote:


I did find it kind of amusing that the judges like the frame where most people on the forum didn't.  Just goes to show you never know what they'll like!  And I was under the impression that high-born people in the Victorian Era did speak properly! 


This all depends. The 'level of properness' one speaks is generally class based and even those in the higher classes in the Victorian Era would use specific speech patterns not the same as current modern day English. Middle and Lower classes would also have Victorian & British slang in their speech. Plus, an oral story tends to have a very different flow and pattern as a written one. 

I haven't read your story yet so I don't know exactly what class or region in England your characters come from so this is more a vague answer to writing Victorian speech in general. 




-------------
 http://forums.nycmidnight.com/rnd1-heat56-goingsoftgoingstrong-crimecaper_topic14218_post168362.html" rel="nofollow - Gr56 Ch1 -


Posted By: Sysanet
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 1:24pm
Honestly I had very little confidence in this genre. Never in all my years of writing had I had such issues with, 'How do I genre...' So I really didn't expect to get any points and the 10 I got I was ecstatic about.  Most of the comments I completely agree with. I honestly finished the story, reread for typos and was like, 'I am done with you. What will be, will be!' XD

''Double Trouble'' by Samantha Ortiz - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - .................................The fact that the thief partners were brother and sister made this story interesting. I liked the dynamics and the fact that the sister was stone-cold in her pragmatism.........................

This story feels very original in its choices taken by the main character Jean. The surprise in the van was very unexpected, which is satisfying to read.........................…...........................…………………………   

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - .................................There are a few inconsistencies that need smoothing out. At first the story tells us the hostages don't speak English but then they do. The ending is also a little abrupt.............…......... {I should have made it more obvious the hostages were lying about not speaking English. The ending was very abrupt.}

The author took a risk turning this crime caper so dark and it nearly paid off. The ending needs work..the story is set up so we’re expecting to take a brave action. If shooting the three hostages was “brave,” there needs to be a better pay off bc in the beginning, we’re told that old fossils don’t interest Jean and her brother. Unless that TRex is made of jewels, she hasn't found anything of value to her and Rodney....................................................…… {I don't feel I set it up for a 'brave' action. I was very much just going for a survival oriented action and that the siblings would do what they had to in order to protect one another at the expense of anyone else. I definitely don't view shooting them as 'brave'. But I'm not sure if this is a failing on my part or a simple difference of views on my and this judge's parts.} 


-------------
 http://forums.nycmidnight.com/rnd1-heat56-goingsoftgoingstrong-crimecaper_topic14218_post168362.html" rel="nofollow - Gr56 Ch1 -


Posted By: queenb330
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 1:46pm
''Texas Rain'' by Donna-Louise Bishop
WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - This was really great. I love that you played with us to believe she was definitely in danger. It seemed a very genuine (though crazy small world) situation / There are great insights into Belle's character towards the end of the piece. I also enjoyed the physicality in the last section as Belle discovers Bucky's body and must climb out of the truck.
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - I thought this was a great little story. There’s not much I would do to really change it other than maybe know a little bit more about how her father disappeared from her life / There weren't a lot of surprises in the writing. There could be more suspense/tension written into the beginning to build towards a better payoff in the end. Readers know the story of the girl in danger, so the story should get us there sooner in order to nail the ending.


I'm pleased with the feedback.

My question is though - is it me or have the judges seemed to forget we only have 1,000?

 



-------------
GP34
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic13002_post148924.html#148924" rel="nofollow - CH1|My Own Hands-14
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/ch2-g34-scifi-the-floods_topic13290.html" rel="nofollow - CH2|The Floods-12


Posted By: Sysanet
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 1:55pm
Originally posted by queenb330 queenb330 wrote:

My question is though - is it me or have the judges seemed to forget we only have 1,000?

It does feel a bit like that. I saw some feedback from challenge 1 that said, 'this story was way below the wordcount, so more could have been added.' But no where have I seen anything in any feedback along the lines of, 'Would have liked to see, but we understand there is only 1000 words to work with.' Or even like, 'In order to show more of such n such which we would like to see, this could have probably been left out.' 

In general I feel that the main premise of the competition is to tell a full story in 1000 words, which is very doable for several of the genres. Others though I don't want to say can't be done, but luck is very much part of this competition no matter how many times the rules want to say it's not. XD Skill is a much bigger part, yes, but luck is still a part.


-------------
 http://forums.nycmidnight.com/rnd1-heat56-goingsoftgoingstrong-crimecaper_topic14218_post168362.html" rel="nofollow - Gr56 Ch1 -


Posted By: tcFlash
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 2:08pm
Just as in the forum, the judges give mixed reviews on the frame of my story.  I'm not sure how many judges reviewed this.  Why do they use this format to report the judges' reviews?  I appreciated the lengthy "What the judges feel needs work" section.  There was some helpful input here.  I'm not sure they expressed why they gave this story 12 points, though.  Once again, I am glad I got so much more from all of you in the forum.  

tcFlash/Chris

Dear Chris Mills,
The feedback from the judges on your Flash Fiction Challenge 2015 story from Challenge #2 is below.  We hope you find the feedback helpful and you enjoyed the competition!

 

''Children of the Pond'' by Chris Mills - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - .........Some of the imagery is sharply rendered; "Jennifer watched the butt arch through the air, sparks falling into the dry, mid-summer grass." What's also unique about that particular image is that it's repeated at the end, so the piece has balance and is justified.//The ending is satisfying because it's also not what we're expecting--that the man who actually killed these childred would be on site all these years later. Well done.//...........................Your imagery is terrifying, in a good way, and it was definitely an exciting read. .............................................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - .........Varying sentence length can be a powerful tool: shorter sentences work to create tension, while longer sentences create a smooth narrative flow and paint imagery in the reader's mind...the first paragraph offers no variation in the length of sentences; they are all short, and this makes for a choppy read. Variation takes root a bit later on, and that works well.//While she hears the voice calling from the direction of the water, it doesn't quite make sense she'd go in unless she saw something that gave her reason to: did she see something that looked like a small head further out? She needs to see something in order to go into the pond. Hearing the voice isn't enough.//"...it's me, your father" sounds a bit forced. "It's me" by itself would sound more organic.//Much is made in the opening paragraph of no one believing her, but we never actually see that manifest--we see her father say something about the spring peppers, but that's it. She doesn't argue with him or try to fight him. In order for the opening and closing to work, we need to see the disbelief in action when she tells her father. This will also give more power to the ending: the presence of the killer could, after all, mean that she won't get her justice after all............................The bulk of this story was great the main thing I’d suggest is actually to take out the scenes at the very beginning and very end. I didn’t think having most of the story as a flashback really paid off at all. In fact, because you tried to explain some things in the beginning, I started off a little confused. I think if you stick to the story being what it is it would be stronger. .........…............................................................……………………………



-------------
https://forums.nycmidnight.com/ch2-g34-if-we-must-die-fantasy_topic15903_page1.html" rel="nofollow - CH2 If We must Die
https://tinyurl.com/ychmht95" rel="nofollow - CH1 The Message


Posted By: tcFlash
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 2:13pm
reposting with quoted text

-------------
https://forums.nycmidnight.com/ch2-g34-if-we-must-die-fantasy_topic15903_page1.html" rel="nofollow - CH2 If We must Die
https://tinyurl.com/ychmht95" rel="nofollow - CH1 The Message


Posted By: tcFlash
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 2:32pm
Yep, judge #2 thought you made this up.  Why would a judge jump to such a conclusion about a historical fiction story?  When I read your story, I felt it was clear that the hangings were historical.  

Congratulations for a strong Round One and for advancing to Round Two.  Good luck.

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Not really sure what to think about the second judge's "didn't likes". I feel like he/she thinks I made this story up, and I most definitely did not. Ugh. 
...................While your harrowing story appropriately conveys the horrors of the concentration camps and Holocaust atrocities, I do think it starts to sound a little like a horror movie when the children hang from hooks. I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films; I think it's in the way the children are brought into the room and hung up, coupled with the words you use to describe them ("toes twitched and his skeletal shoulders jerked. Urine trickled down his legs..."). I don't fully understand why Rene is standing there watching this happen, since he too is a prisoner, without being restrained. I assume that he is not a Jew, which makes me wonder why he is imprisoned. I also have to wonder WHY this hanging is occuring, since I don't believe this is usually how such deaths occured, especially since it's a lab that seems to conduct experiments on the prison population. What is the point of "We don’t have enough. We’ll have to use morphine” and the posionous air if they just plan to hang the children anyway? I know they are already unconscious (via morphine), but then why the hanging? I think you might just clarify this point and Rene's role in the terrifying scene. ........................……………………………

 



-------------
https://forums.nycmidnight.com/ch2-g34-if-we-must-die-fantasy_topic15903_page1.html" rel="nofollow - CH2 If We must Die
https://tinyurl.com/ychmht95" rel="nofollow - CH1 The Message


Posted By: Stephaleph22
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 2:33pm
How are you people get such detailed feedback? No fair! CryLOL I suppose they are the ones they looked at first though, and by the time they get to the stories with short feedback, they're beyond OUT XD

''A Slice of Life''- WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -

......I like the impact of the one-sentence second paragraph. Good suspense is generated when her husband asks, "Well? Aren't you having a slice?" and when he asks where his mask is. I like the description of her mask and her reason for wearing it. ...........................................................................…...........................…

Wow! I was on the edge of my seat while reading this story. You do a great job of unfolding why the main character wants to kill her husband.………………………  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK -

......Elizabeth seems too cavalier about leaving her husband's body to be found once it starts smelling because she'd be far away by then. When she leaves to the sounds of her husband's grunt and gurgling sounds, I think that instead of referring to joining the vitality of life, you should reference specific celebratory noises. .......................................…............................................................……

Your synopsis actually doesn't captivate me as much as the story so maybe you can spice it up a bit. I look forward to reading the full story! :-)………………………



-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic13390_post156956.html#156956" rel="nofollow - Ch2 G53: Off with the Fairies


Posted By: meljera
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 2:41pm
I wasn't going to post this because I was too embarrassed to workshop it. I didn't have my head in the game at the time and felt the story was too tidy, despite my going experimental with an all-dialogue story. I scraped by with a 1 that pushed me into the next round. But after getting the judges' feedback, I decided I have to own this story and see where I can go with it. I know we're all doing a lot of reading right now, but if anyone has the time to take a peek at this late post, I'd appreciate any feedback.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1E_tDsYJKun1pu_2wsF5SZpBxFfQaf85TqAJYWacTN70/edit?usp=sharing" rel="nofollow - http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic11500.html" rel="nofollow - Like Finding Watermelons on the Moon

Some people remember what Earth was like. The rest can’t miss what they never had.


Judges' Feedback:

Dear Marie Eljera,

The feedback from the judges on your Flash Fiction Challenge 2015 story from Challenge #2 is below.  We hope you find the feedback helpful and you enjoyed the competition!

 

''Like Finding Watermelons on the Moon'' by Marie Eljera -
WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -
- I like the attention-getting title. The all-dialogue format is effective. The story has good suspense.
-The dialogue in this story feels very authentic....The dialogue in this story feels very authentic
-You have an interesting world, with some interesting concepts. I enjoyed the contrast between the two characters--young and old

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK -
-I think the ending could have more impact. I think the story's ending with an image would be memorable.
-Of course you had certain ‘rules’ in this writing competition, but the mention of watermelon just feels very contrived, and reminded me that this was a story written for a story competition.  There is too much good material in this piece.  Come back to it when it has been absent in your mind for a little while and rework it.  You will surely have a masterpiece then.
-I didn't understand your use of only dialogue for this story. It is a good tactic in some instances, but in this case, you've created an interesting world that could benefit from some solid descriptions and a little more grounding for the reade




-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic13357_post156741.html#156741" rel="nofollow - Ch2.G5.Mirror,Mirror
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/ch1g5the-skull-of-mindoro_topic12954.html" rel="nofollow - Ch1.Skull of Mindoro


Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 2:42pm
Originally posted by tcFlash tcFlash wrote:

Yep, judge #2 thought you made this up.  Why would a judge jump to such a conclusion about a historical fiction story?  When I read your story, I felt it was clear that the hangings were historical.  

Congratulations for a strong Round One and for advancing to Round Two.  Good luck.

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Not really sure what to think about the second judge's "didn't likes". I feel like he/she thinks I made this story up, and I most definitely did not. Ugh. 
...................While your harrowing story appropriately conveys the horrors of the concentration camps and Holocaust atrocities, I do think it starts to sound a little like a horror movie when the children hang from hooks. I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films; I think it's in the way the children are brought into the room and hung up, coupled with the words you use to describe them ("toes twitched and his skeletal shoulders jerked. Urine trickled down his legs..."). I don't fully understand why Rene is standing there watching this happen, since he too is a prisoner, without being restrained. I assume that he is not a Jew, which makes me wonder why he is imprisoned. I also have to wonder WHY this hanging is occuring, since I don't believe this is usually how such deaths occured, especially since it's a lab that seems to conduct experiments on the prison population. What is the point of "We don’t have enough. We’ll have to use morphine” and the posionous air if they just plan to hang the children anyway? I know they are already unconscious (via morphine), but then why the hanging? I think you might just clarify this point and Rene's role in the terrifying scene. ........................……………………………

 


Yeah, the longer I've chewed over this, the more offended I get. "I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films." SERIOUSLY? I'm totally okay with a judge giving their opinion and not liking my story. I've had many not like my work. But this goes too far. When it comes to historical fiction, a judge should take ten blasted seconds to google the event they're about to rant about, just to double check it's not based on fact. 

Sheesh. For the first time ever, I would like to punch a judge in the face. Just careless and dumb. And in complete denial! 


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: tcFlash
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 2:45pm
Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Originally posted by tcFlash tcFlash wrote:

Yep, judge #2 thought you made this up.  Why would a judge jump to such a conclusion about a historical fiction story?  When I read your story, I felt it was clear that the hangings were historical.  

Congratulations for a strong Round One and for advancing to Round Two.  Good luck.

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Not really sure what to think about the second judge's "didn't likes". I feel like he/she thinks I made this story up, and I most definitely did not. Ugh. 
...................While your harrowing story appropriately conveys the horrors of the concentration camps and Holocaust atrocities, I do think it starts to sound a little like a horror movie when the children hang from hooks. I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films; I think it's in the way the children are brought into the room and hung up, coupled with the words you use to describe them ("toes twitched and his skeletal shoulders jerked. Urine trickled down his legs..."). I don't fully understand why Rene is standing there watching this happen, since he too is a prisoner, without being restrained. I assume that he is not a Jew, which makes me wonder why he is imprisoned. I also have to wonder WHY this hanging is occuring, since I don't believe this is usually how such deaths occured, especially since it's a lab that seems to conduct experiments on the prison population. What is the point of "We don’t have enough. We’ll have to use morphine” and the posionous air if they just plan to hang the children anyway? I know they are already unconscious (via morphine), but then why the hanging? I think you might just clarify this point and Rene's role in the terrifying scene. ........................……………………………

 


Yeah, the longer I've chewed over this, the more offended I get. "I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films." SERIOUSLY? I'm totally okay with a judge giving their opinion and not liking my story. I've had many not like my work. But this goes too far. When it comes to historical fiction, a judge should take ten blasted seconds to google the event they're about to rant about, just to double check it's not based on fact. 

Sheesh. For the first time ever, I would like to punch a judge in the face. Just careless and dumb. And in complete denial! 

I'll hold him, you hit himOuch


-------------
https://forums.nycmidnight.com/ch2-g34-if-we-must-die-fantasy_topic15903_page1.html" rel="nofollow - CH2 If We must Die
https://tinyurl.com/ychmht95" rel="nofollow - CH1 The Message


Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 2:46pm
Originally posted by tcFlash tcFlash wrote:

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Originally posted by tcFlash tcFlash wrote:

Yep, judge #2 thought you made this up.  Why would a judge jump to such a conclusion about a historical fiction story?  When I read your story, I felt it was clear that the hangings were historical.  

Congratulations for a strong Round One and for advancing to Round Two.  Good luck.

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Not really sure what to think about the second judge's "didn't likes". I feel like he/she thinks I made this story up, and I most definitely did not. Ugh. 
...................While your harrowing story appropriately conveys the horrors of the concentration camps and Holocaust atrocities, I do think it starts to sound a little like a horror movie when the children hang from hooks. I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films; I think it's in the way the children are brought into the room and hung up, coupled with the words you use to describe them ("toes twitched and his skeletal shoulders jerked. Urine trickled down his legs..."). I don't fully understand why Rene is standing there watching this happen, since he too is a prisoner, without being restrained. I assume that he is not a Jew, which makes me wonder why he is imprisoned. I also have to wonder WHY this hanging is occuring, since I don't believe this is usually how such deaths occured, especially since it's a lab that seems to conduct experiments on the prison population. What is the point of "We don’t have enough. We’ll have to use morphine” and the posionous air if they just plan to hang the children anyway? I know they are already unconscious (via morphine), but then why the hanging? I think you might just clarify this point and Rene's role in the terrifying scene. ........................……………………………

 


Yeah, the longer I've chewed over this, the more offended I get. "I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films." SERIOUSLY? I'm totally okay with a judge giving their opinion and not liking my story. I've had many not like my work. But this goes too far. When it comes to historical fiction, a judge should take ten blasted seconds to google the event they're about to rant about, just to double check it's not based on fact. 

Sheesh. For the first time ever, I would like to punch a judge in the face. Just careless and dumb. And in complete denial! 

I'll hold him, you hit himOuch

HA! Thanks. Good teamwork. 


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: simonb999
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 2:59pm
Hi there,

Thought I'd post my feedback since I'm a little confused. Some fair comments here apart from one I don't understand:
"Proofread the story a bit better. There are a lot of missing quotation marks in this story." 
I don't see where these so-called missing quotation marks are - can anyone enlighten me please? The story scored 7 points in Round 2. Thanks in advance!

Dear Simon Brown,

The feedback from the judges on your Flash Fiction Challenge 2015 story from Challenge #2 is below.  We hope you find the feedback helpful and you enjoyed the competition!

 

''Team Bean'' by Simon Brown - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ........................A good realistic story situation and conflict. Excellent use of dialog to push the story along.....................................This is a moving story--the dissolution of a relationship is of course a story that's been told before, but this writer captures it skillfully, from the awkwardness at the restaurant to the sad walk home. I also love how they both call each other Bean. .....................…The characterization was really nice. I could sense that the writer really put effort into writting living, breathing individuals into this story............................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ........................Proofread the story a bit better. There are a lot of missing quotation marks in this story......................…............For me, the appearance of the toenail clippers in this story doesn't quite work--it adds sort of comic bookends to this otherwise sad and sentimental story, and ends up making it feel like a joke. The "meat" in the middle is much more real feeling. I think the sincerity there is really successful, and think the toenail stuff fights against it. .....................The breakup dialogue feels a little trite to me. I'm not sure that this is the way that a 10-year relationship would end, and it may be benefitial to bring some of that great characterization into the conflict of the breakup. Nice job, however, communicating that this was a freedom that they both ultimately needed............................……………………………






-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/round-2-group-38-drama-team-bean_topic11364.html" rel="nofollow - Round 2 Group 38 (Drama) "Team Bean"


Posted By: Archon1995
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 3:01pm
Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Originally posted by tcFlash tcFlash wrote:

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Originally posted by tcFlash tcFlash wrote:

Yep, judge #2 thought you made this up.  Why would a judge jump to such a conclusion about a historical fiction story?  When I read your story, I felt it was clear that the hangings were historical.  

Congratulations for a strong Round One and for advancing to Round Two.  Good luck.

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Not really sure what to think about the second judge's "didn't likes". I feel like he/she thinks I made this story up, and I most definitely did not. Ugh. 
...................While your harrowing story appropriately conveys the horrors of the concentration camps and Holocaust atrocities, I do think it starts to sound a little like a horror movie when the children hang from hooks. I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films; I think it's in the way the children are brought into the room and hung up, coupled with the words you use to describe them ("toes twitched and his skeletal shoulders jerked. Urine trickled down his legs..."). I don't fully understand why Rene is standing there watching this happen, since he too is a prisoner, without being restrained. I assume that he is not a Jew, which makes me wonder why he is imprisoned. I also have to wonder WHY this hanging is occuring, since I don't believe this is usually how such deaths occured, especially since it's a lab that seems to conduct experiments on the prison population. What is the point of "We don’t have enough. We’ll have to use morphine” and the posionous air if they just plan to hang the children anyway? I know they are already unconscious (via morphine), but then why the hanging? I think you might just clarify this point and Rene's role in the terrifying scene. ........................……………………………

 


Yeah, the longer I've chewed over this, the more offended I get. "I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films." SERIOUSLY? I'm totally okay with a judge giving their opinion and not liking my story. I've had many not like my work. But this goes too far. When it comes to historical fiction, a judge should take ten blasted seconds to google the event they're about to rant about, just to double check it's not based on fact. 

Sheesh. For the first time ever, I would like to punch a judge in the face. Just careless and dumb. And in complete denial! 

I'll hold him, you hit himOuch

HA! Thanks. Good teamwork. 
 
I've visited the memorial, as I mentioned when I read it. Sign me up.


-------------
R1C1 G7 https://bit.ly/2vtL3LA" rel="nofollow - PRESSURE POINT


Posted By: simonb999
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 3:05pm
Actually I've just seen a couple! But only a couple as  opposed to a lot ...


Posted By: salgal80
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 4:10pm
Originally posted by Stephaleph22 Stephaleph22 wrote:

How are you people get such detailed feedback? No fair! CryLOL I suppose they are the ones they looked at first though, and by the time they get to the stories with short feedback, they're beyond OUT XD

''A Slice of Life''- WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -

......I like the impact of the one-sentence second paragraph. Good suspense is generated when her husband asks, "Well? Aren't you having a slice?" and when he asks where his mask is. I like the description of her mask and her reason for wearing it. ...........................................................................…...........................…

Wow! I was on the edge of my seat while reading this story. You do a great job of unfolding why the main character wants to kill her husband.………………………  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK -

......Elizabeth seems too cavalier about leaving her husband's body to be found once it starts smelling because she'd be far away by then. When she leaves to the sounds of her husband's grunt and gurgling sounds, I think that instead of referring to joining the vitality of life, you should reference specific celebratory noises. .......................................…............................................................……

Your synopsis actually doesn't captivate me as much as the story so maybe you can spice it up a bit. I look forward to reading the full story! :-)………………………


Wow, that was kinda lame.  And, the second judge looks forward to reading the full story?  What's that supposed to mean?


-------------
SSC Rd 1 Heat 38
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/heat-38-romance%20_topic14122.html" rel="nofollow - A Game Between Friends


Posted By: plkphoto
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 4:30pm
Hmmm…. I think that my second judge hasn't read too many fairy tales… though his "needs work" comments are more thorough than the first, they kind of miss the point of fairy tale. And Cara would make a very boring MC… (and then she played all day with her father; and then she played all day with her father… ad nauseum until the end.) 

WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ............Good story -- and I like the ending very much. Often in fairy tales the endings are overdone or predictable. I like the soft tone of this one, how it feels just right. .......................................The depth of Vito's love for his daughter shines through...............................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ............No real suggestions -- this writer has a good feel for the fairy tale -- the magic, the tragedy, the longing that characters feel… .................................…...The story feels like a summary and not like a real story that is lived in. Time transitions are clunky. There are too many characters and no real villain -- except for death ...and death was not much of a challenge. It could even be argued that Vito is a villain because he is somewhat selfish. I wonder if Cara should be the main character because of her decision at the end.


Really, I think if they're going to assign fairy tale as a genre, they need to then assign judges to that group that actually know what a fairy tale is. Tongue  No wonder mixing genres works better! It's like I hit the fairy tale style too hard for the second judge, they wanted me to write a story for a different genre. 


-------------
FFC 2017
http://tinyurl.com/y8s4jdlz" rel="nofollow - C1 G12 "Weathering the Winter" (Fantasy) 14 pts
http://tinyurl.com/yd75332e" rel="nofollow - C2 G12 "Peruvian Love Oil" (RomCom)


Posted By: purepisces
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 4:44pm
''If You Can't Stand the Heat, Stay Out of the Jungle'' by Melissa McDonnell - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ............Good opening -- sets the scene well. Then the second para looking back to see how she got there -- effective way to open the scene/ story. ............Excellent action and adventure in this story. Good description and a believable story situation..........................................................…...........................
…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ............Ending feels a little too neat - but I like how you move through the mystery of the story and arrive there. Good suspense overall. ............The narrative is a bit wordy. See if you can replace some of the longer verb phrases and passive verb phrases with stronger verbs. Also see if you can elminate some adjectives and adverbs as well......................…............................................................……………………………


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r2gr-28-action-adventure-jungle-butterscotch_topic11254.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - Gp28/Action-Adventure – If You Can’t Stand the Heat


Posted By: plkphoto
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 5:44pm
Originally posted by DBA Lehane DBA Lehane wrote:

Does anyone ever disagree with the "likes"? :D

I don't know if I've ever "disagreed" per se… but there are definitely times when I've thought:

"THAT?! THAT is what you got out of this story?!"

which is a bit like disagreeing? but since comments that cause this reaction are usually paired with a "needs work" comment that makes no sense -- I generally complain more about the needs work part. Big smile

(For an example… see my feedback two posts above this… second judge. Tongue )


-------------
FFC 2017
http://tinyurl.com/y8s4jdlz" rel="nofollow - C1 G12 "Weathering the Winter" (Fantasy) 14 pts
http://tinyurl.com/yd75332e" rel="nofollow - C2 G12 "Peruvian Love Oil" (RomCom)


Posted By: Lookit There
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 8:00pm

Dear Lin Morris,

The feedback from the judges on your Flash Fiction Challenge 2015 story from Challenge #2 is below.  We hope you find the feedback helpful and you enjoyed the competition!

 

''I Told You So'' by Lin Morris - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ...Great characters. A familiar premise, but done in a fresh way. Love the ending....I laughed at the dark humor involving the Happy Retirement banner and Alcott's dead body. I like the amusing ending and how it echoes the title. ...........................................................................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ...I got a little lost in the structure of this. It may need to be either pared down or expanded to have the best effect....The flashbacks tend to interfere witih the pace. The italicizing seems distracting. I think that after your existing ending, it would be good to add a brief scene in the present where Adam then says "I told you so.".......................

Not the first time I heard the structure and italics were a hindrance, and that's definitely something I plan to fix later.
But as far as Adam saying "I told you so" again at the end? No, absolutely not. I ended the story exactly where I intended it to end.


-------------
You can read Challenge 2 story here: http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1c2-group-42-tocca-ferro_topic15942.html" rel="nofollow - Tocca Ferro


Posted By: nixie
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 8:02pm
Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Yeah, the longer I've chewed over this, the more offended I get. "I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films." SERIOUSLY? I'm totally okay with a judge giving their opinion and not liking my story. I've had many not like my work. But this goes too far. When it comes to historical fiction, a judge should take ten blasted seconds to google the event they're about to rant about, just to double check it's not based on fact. 

Jen,  In my Ch#1 story, I got dinged for two big things:
1. (Mystery/homeless shelter/shovel) action was prompted by the death of an archaeologist, who left something to a social worker.  The social worker was googling things related to his 'final note' to her - and the judge wrote me FOUR LINES of feedback on the correct archaeological and anthropological terms she should have been using because the ones she was using were inexact/no longer considered politically correct (cause he said something about Roma, so she googled "gypsy")
2. in a different online search, MC quickly found a photo of a specific, somewhat obscure event. (It's actually there, and could be found in about 10 seconds using exactly the search terms in the story - I know, cause that's how I came up with it).  Judge dinged me because it was just so unlikely that she could have found it that fast.

My best advice:  screw this guy lol.  The real feedback comes from the review forum, where people have taken the time to thoughtfully consider what you were doing.  If one judge does a lame, halfassed job of it - i am just glad it didn't hose you out of writing in Challenge 3. :)  and now you know - you are smarter than the judges.

My vote: i say we let you be a judge next time....


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15910_post192199.html#192199" rel="nofollow - Ch2 The Devil In The Details


Posted By: dryaddreaming
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 10:54pm
I have read a lot of the stories that have been posted, and this one is one that really stands out in my mind. I have to disagree with the judges when they say that mentioning the dome doesn't add to the story or move it forward. It goes a long way toward explaining the motives of your MC. Without it, we wouldn't know what she desires for these children above all else. Just sayin.

-------------
Dryad Dreaming


Posted By: dryaddreaming
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:04pm
Another thing about what the judges didn't like that doesn't sit well with me was the part about Rene not doing anything about it. In that type of circumstance, the people have been broken down mentally and emotionally. Even if that were not the case, how is one malnurished abuse d person supposed to take on whatever guards might be around. I could keep ranting. Also, how much education does this judge have if he (she?) thinks the jews were the only victims of the holocaust? I thought this story was one of the best I have ever read. It was a moving tribute to the victims of Hitler's twisted vision. Bah. I prefer the feedback of my fellow writers. When this contest is over I plan on finding or starting a writers group. It's been too long and you along with some others have made me realize how much I've missed it.

-------------
Dryad Dreaming


Posted By: Sysanet
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2015 at 11:43pm
Originally posted by dryaddreaming dryaddreaming wrote:

Another thing about what the judges didn't like that doesn't sit well with me was the part about Rene not doing anything about it. In that type of circumstance, the people have been broken down mentally and emotionally. Even if that were not the case, how is one malnurished abuse d person supposed to take on whatever guards might be around. I could keep ranting. Also, how much education does this judge have if he (she?) thinks the jews were the only victims of the holocaust? I thought this story was one of the best I have ever read. It was a moving tribute to the victims of Hitler's twisted vision. Bah. I prefer the feedback of my fellow writers. When this contest is over I plan on finding or starting a writers group. It's been too long and you along with some others have made me realize how much I've missed it.


I wish I had the free time to join or make a writers group. This forum has really made me miss my old one something fierce. I wish you much luck with yours.

-------------
 http://forums.nycmidnight.com/rnd1-heat56-goingsoftgoingstrong-crimecaper_topic14218_post168362.html" rel="nofollow - Gr56 Ch1 -


Posted By: writinginboots
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 8:32am
I was so damn angry at the judges after round one. The feedback was rife with grammatical errors and clearly showed they had not given my story more than a cursory glance. This time, though, I could at least tell they had read the story and used spellcheck.

The judges' feedback is the weakest link in this challenge. I don't even feel it's worth the mention to draw people into the competition. That was what brought me into this in the first place - feedback from the judges, supposed experts in the field of writing. Now, it's the biggest disappointment. If their feedback was all I had to go on, I might as well have nothing. Thank goodness for the forum. The draw for future participation will be the experience I had here. 

''The Day My Earth Quaked'' by Melanie Greenwood - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ........................Good buildup of tension through the use of a dying cell phone and messaging. Good use of the mandatory story elements as well. Excellent use of dialog....................................This story was very well-written. It successfully used dialog to tell the story. I also liked the reference to how online friendships through social media could become something real and more.................................................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ........................Story ends with too many questions left unanswered. What happens to Sarah? What happened to Erin? Is Julia in danger?  The story also suffers somewhat from vague language. Example: “Then life got difficult again.” How? What happened to make Sarah’s life that bad after fighting through so much? Be specific....................................While I loved the dialog, be careful that it doesn't just become a series of talking heads. Yes, the people are communicating via phone, texts, and FB messages, but the reader needs some grounding to keep them immersed in the story.............…............................................................……………………………


-------------
Melanie
Group 3
R1 Fantasy: http://bit.ly/1KD6LfO" rel="nofollow - An Impossible Dreamer
R2 Suspense:
http://bit.ly/1YCMroy" rel="nofollow - The Day My Earth Quaked


Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 8:43am
Originally posted by Archon1995 Archon1995 wrote:

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Originally posted by tcFlash tcFlash wrote:

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Originally posted by tcFlash tcFlash wrote:

Yep, judge #2 thought you made this up.  Why would a judge jump to such a conclusion about a historical fiction story?  When I read your story, I felt it was clear that the hangings were historical.  

Congratulations for a strong Round One and for advancing to Round Two.  Good luck.

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Not really sure what to think about the second judge's "didn't likes". I feel like he/she thinks I made this story up, and I most definitely did not. Ugh. 
...................While your harrowing story appropriately conveys the horrors of the concentration camps and Holocaust atrocities, I do think it starts to sound a little like a horror movie when the children hang from hooks. I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films; I think it's in the way the children are brought into the room and hung up, coupled with the words you use to describe them ("toes twitched and his skeletal shoulders jerked. Urine trickled down his legs..."). I don't fully understand why Rene is standing there watching this happen, since he too is a prisoner, without being restrained. I assume that he is not a Jew, which makes me wonder why he is imprisoned. I also have to wonder WHY this hanging is occuring, since I don't believe this is usually how such deaths occured, especially since it's a lab that seems to conduct experiments on the prison population. What is the point of "We don’t have enough. We’ll have to use morphine” and the posionous air if they just plan to hang the children anyway? I know they are already unconscious (via morphine), but then why the hanging? I think you might just clarify this point and Rene's role in the terrifying scene. ........................……………………………

 


Yeah, the longer I've chewed over this, the more offended I get. "I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films." SERIOUSLY? I'm totally okay with a judge giving their opinion and not liking my story. I've had many not like my work. But this goes too far. When it comes to historical fiction, a judge should take ten blasted seconds to google the event they're about to rant about, just to double check it's not based on fact. 

Sheesh. For the first time ever, I would like to punch a judge in the face. Just careless and dumb. And in complete denial! 

I'll hold him, you hit himOuch

HA! Thanks. Good teamwork. 
 
I've visited the memorial, as I mentioned when I read it. Sign me up.

We're heading to the judge's house tonight to have a heart-to-heart..."chat". Anyone else want in? Wink


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 8:49am
Originally posted by nixie nixie wrote:

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Yeah, the longer I've chewed over this, the more offended I get. "I am specifically thinking of movies like Hostel and other torture films." SERIOUSLY? I'm totally okay with a judge giving their opinion and not liking my story. I've had many not like my work. But this goes too far. When it comes to historical fiction, a judge should take ten blasted seconds to google the event they're about to rant about, just to double check it's not based on fact. 

Jen,  In my Ch#1 story, I got dinged for two big things:
1. (Mystery/homeless shelter/shovel) action was prompted by the death of an archaeologist, who left something to a social worker.  The social worker was googling things related to his 'final note' to her - and the judge wrote me FOUR LINES of feedback on the correct archaeological and anthropological terms she should have been using because the ones she was using were inexact/no longer considered politically correct (cause he said something about Roma, so she googled "gypsy")
2. in a different online search, MC quickly found a photo of a specific, somewhat obscure event. (It's actually there, and could be found in about 10 seconds using exactly the search terms in the story - I know, cause that's how I came up with it).  Judge dinged me because it was just so unlikely that she could have found it that fast.

My best advice:  screw this guy lol.  The real feedback comes from the review forum, where people have taken the time to thoughtfully consider what you were doing.  If one judge does a lame, halfassed job of it - i am just glad it didn't hose you out of writing in Challenge 3. :)  and now you know - you are smarter than the judges.

My vote: i say we let you be a judge next time....

Unbelievable *shakes head*

I wouldn't be doing this contest if it wasn't for the forum. After thirteen rounds, I've learned that's where I get my real feedback....I have very little respect for the judges anymore. 

Hmm, maybe I should be a judge and whip this blasted contest into shape? Wink


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 8:55am
Originally posted by dryaddreaming dryaddreaming wrote:

Another thing about what the judges didn't like that doesn't sit well with me was the part about Rene not doing anything about it. In that type of circumstance, the people have been broken down mentally and emotionally. Even if that were not the case, how is one malnurished abuse d person supposed to take on whatever guards might be around. I could keep ranting. Also, how much education does this judge have if he (she?) thinks the jews were the only victims of the holocaust? I thought this story was one of the best I have ever read. It was a moving tribute to the victims of Hitler's twisted vision. Bah. I prefer the feedback of my fellow writers. When this contest is over I plan on finding or starting a writers group. It's been too long and you along with some others have made me realize how much I've missed it.

Thank you! I'm glad the majority of readers understood and appreciated this story. And I suppose I should've been prepared for some readers (even a judge) to deny the truth of it and question its validity. 

Thank God for the forum. Besides the actual challenge of writing a story, it's the biggest reason to participate in this contest. I hope you're able to start a writer's group! Having one is so amazing and supportive! 


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: writinginboots
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 9:21am
Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:


Unbelievable *shakes head*

I wouldn't be doing this contest if it wasn't for the forum. After thirteen rounds, I've learned that's where I get my real feedback....I have very little respect for the judges anymore. 

Hmm, maybe I should be a judge and whip this blasted contest into shape? Wink

It only took this first round for me to lose respect for the judges. It's my only disappointment and biggest complaint. I will return next year, and maybe even sooner with the Short Story Challenge, and it's because of this forum. The judges are just a number to me. But then, I'm probably just a number to them. 


-------------
Melanie
Group 3
R1 Fantasy: http://bit.ly/1KD6LfO" rel="nofollow - An Impossible Dreamer
R2 Suspense:
http://bit.ly/1YCMroy" rel="nofollow - The Day My Earth Quaked


Posted By: Victoria
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 9:40am
Here is mine.  I won my round this time, with 15 points, Group 45, Genre: Ghost story.  Location: Low cost housing Object: Popcorn

''Baku, The Dream Eater'' by Victoria Kelsey - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - .................................I liked how this story incorporated folklore from Japan. .........I loved this subtle ghost story with overtones of history and family tradition. Very well written. Your dialogue is exceptional and I loved the ended when he mentions that he's teaching his daughter how to call the Baku........................................Brilliant concept, and easily identifiable. Baku-san is the exact kind of thing all kids wished they had.…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - .................................The transition when the monster comes into the narrator's room is a bit rough. I initially wasn't sure if that was Baku climbing in the window or something else. A little set-up for this would be good..........The only suggestions for strengthening that I have would be to make the ghost incident even more ephemeral. It isn’t important that the reader believe the Baku saved him--it's important that he does. I think the less concrete detail, perhaps, the better. That is usually not the advice I give!...…..............................Would like to know more about how the tension between the protagonist and his father came to be in the beginning. Those kinds of things can add great impact to a scary story...............................……………………………

-------------


Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 9:52am
Originally posted by writinginboots writinginboots wrote:

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:


Unbelievable *shakes head*

I wouldn't be doing this contest if it wasn't for the forum. After thirteen rounds, I've learned that's where I get my real feedback....I have very little respect for the judges anymore. 

Hmm, maybe I should be a judge and whip this blasted contest into shape? Wink

It only took this first round for me to lose respect for the judges. It's my only disappointment and biggest complaint. I will return next year, and maybe even sooner with the Short Story Challenge, and it's because of this forum. The judges are just a number to me. But then, I'm probably just a number to them. 

I hope you return for the SSC. I enjoy FFC, but I love SSC. The varying deadlines and word counts are fun. Plus the added adrenaline of sudden death makes it even more fun Tongue I hope you consider it! 


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: mongoose
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 10:07am
I lost respect for the judges a few years ago when it was suggested in feedback that perhaps I had reversioned an old story to fit the prompts. Um, no. I don't cheat, and I found it offensive that a judge thought I might have. It was one of those "How dare they" moments, and was so much worse than any kind of negative feedback that could have improved the story.

Anyways... I come back for the forums and for the personal challenge. Not for the judges or the scores.  




-------------
R1G34: http://bit.ly/2kT7zaA" rel="nofollow - The Night Thief
R2G13 - http://bit.ly/2nNpTqe" rel="nofollow - A Way Through the Forest


Posted By: nixie
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 10:50am
Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Originally posted by nixie nixie wrote:


My vote: i say we let you be a judge next time....

Unbelievable *shakes head*

I wouldn't be doing this contest if it wasn't for the forum. After thirteen rounds, I've learned that's where I get my real feedback....I have very little respect for the judges anymore. 

Hmm, maybe I should be a judge and whip this blasted contest into shape? Wink


I'm in! - anyone else voting we have Jen as a judge next year?


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15910_post192199.html#192199" rel="nofollow - Ch2 The Devil In The Details


Posted By: dryaddreaming
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 11:14am
Originally posted by writinginboots writinginboots wrote:

I was so damn angry at the judges after round one. The feedback was rife with grammatical errors and clearly showed they had not given my story more than a cursory glance. This time, though, I could at least tell they had read the story and used spellcheck.

The judges' feedback is the weakest link in this challenge. I don't even feel it's worth the mention to draw people into the competition. That was what brought me into this in the first place - feedback from the judges, supposed experts in the field of writing. Now, it's the biggest disappointment. If their feedback was all I had to go on, I might as well have nothing. Thank goodness for the forum. The draw for future participation will be the experience I had here. 

<span style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;">''The Day My Earth Quaked'' by Melanie Greenwood - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ........................Good buildup of tension through the use of a dying cell phone and messaging. Good use of the mandatory story elements as well. Excellent use of dialog....................................This story was very well-written. It successfully used dialog to tell the story. I also liked the reference to how online friendships through social media could become something real and more..........................</span><wbr style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;">.......................…......</span><wbr style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;">.....................………………………</span><wbr style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;">…   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ........................Story ends with too many questions left unanswered. What happens to Sarah? What happened to Erin? Is Julia in danger?  The story also suffers somewhat from vague language. Example: “Then life got difficult again.” How? What happened to make Sarah’s life that bad after fighting through so much? Be specific</span><span style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;">....................................</span><span style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;">While I loved the dialog, be careful that it doesn't just become a series of talking heads. Yes, the people are communicating via phone, texts, and FB messages, but the reader needs some grounding to keep them immersed in the story.............…...........</span><wbr style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;">..............................</span><wbr style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: rgb34, 34, 34; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;">...................……………………………</span>


I remember your story. I thought it was an amazing example of suspense. I disagree with the judges saying it left too much unanswered. It was suspense . I also disagreed with them about needing more action. Your MC was taking action throughout the story and I still remember how cool the explanation of the toy car was and that your writing style was so engaging that it didn't pull away from the suspense at all. Just my two cents.

-------------
Dryad Dreaming


Posted By: dryaddreaming
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 11:21am
My first round of feedback from the judges was disappointing. Very little feedback. I got quite a bit more out of this round. I still think the feedback from fellow writers is the biggest benefit of this contest. Well, that and getting to read so many wonderful stories. A lot of talent and hard-earned skill here.

Dear Kathleen White (Pitterman),
The feedback from the judges on your Flash Fiction Challenge 2015 story from Challenge #2 is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful and you enjoyed the competition!

''Passing The Mantle'' by Kathleen White (Pitterman) - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ............................................................The language in this one is often lovely--there's a command and confidence here that instantly earns my trust in the writer. The situation is unique, and there's tension from the witch hunts just outside the door of this secret lab. Brenna and the grandmother are both interesting and strong characters, and I'm curious what's happened to B's mother. There's lots to be invested in here, and I would love to read more......The subject matter is both original and creative, and the laboratory is visually painted................…...I love how your secret laboratory is used for alchemy, and how you've used the time period of the witch hunts in America as your historical fiction setting. Your sentences are strong (I love the opening: "the old abandoned sheep fold in the gloaming") and details vivid, and I adore the relationship between motherless Brenna and her grandmother, especially the scene where she cuddles her to sleep as they read her mother's journal. I also like how the grandmother is teaching Brenna how to care for living things, which goes against common expectations of "witches" during this time. ........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - .............................................…............This definitely feels like the start of something much longer rather than a fully contained piece of flash fiction. And like I said, I'm so curious about where this will go. I do wonder how, if grandmother uses her lab to make things for people in the community, it has managed to remain secret, and why she isn't already being scrutinized as part of the witch hunts. Sometimes the dialogue feels like exposition--details we might better get through the narrator's POV instead of saying them to Brenna. ......It feels as if the story doesn't have a true ending -- it could benefit from taking the main action in a different direction, such as delving into the history of the family and the time period, the contents of the journal, etc. ..................While I love the nature of your tale, I don't really see the point of ending it with a couple of paragraphs set several years later, when Brenna is older. I suppose it would make more sense if something more important were happening in this mini-scene, but really they are just moving to a new place. So the line, "Young as she is, it is time for the mantle to pass" doesn't seem particularly significant; rather, you might have Brenna actually USE the gifts Grandma bestowed upon her, or even escape the witch hunters, or save her grandmother, or something that directly relates to passing the mantle other than simply deciding which way to travel. Also, I think the grandmother's long dialogue that begins "This is what I use to work alchemy" feels too expository and packed with information; perhaps you can break it up and make it sound more natural.

-------------
Dryad Dreaming


Posted By: writinginboots
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 11:26am
Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Originally posted by writinginboots writinginboots wrote:

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:


Unbelievable *shakes head*

I wouldn't be doing this contest if it wasn't for the forum. After thirteen rounds, I've learned that's where I get my real feedback....I have very little respect for the judges anymore. 

Hmm, maybe I should be a judge and whip this blasted contest into shape? Wink

It only took this first round for me to lose respect for the judges. It's my only disappointment and biggest complaint. I will return next year, and maybe even sooner with the Short Story Challenge, and it's because of this forum. The judges are just a number to me. But then, I'm probably just a number to them. 

I hope you return for the SSC. I enjoy FFC, but I love SSC. The varying deadlines and word counts are fun. Plus the added adrenaline of sudden death makes it even more fun Tongue I hope you consider it! 

I probably will. It will depend on my work schedule. January and March are big deadline months, so if the dates don't line up and I can't give my all, I will pass until next year's FFC. If they keep the same schedule (second week of Jan and second week of March), then it will fall just after the deadlines and I'll be all over that. 


-------------
Melanie
Group 3
R1 Fantasy: http://bit.ly/1KD6LfO" rel="nofollow - An Impossible Dreamer
R2 Suspense:
http://bit.ly/1YCMroy" rel="nofollow - The Day My Earth Quaked


Posted By: writinginboots
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 11:43am
Originally posted by dryaddreaming dryaddreaming wrote:

 

I remember your story. I thought it was an amazing example of suspense. I disagree with the judges saying it left too much unanswered. It was suspense . I also disagreed with them about needing more action. Your MC was taking action throughout the story and I still remember how cool the explanation of the toy car was and that your writing style was so engaging that it didn't pull away from the suspense at all. Just my two cents.

Thank you for your two cents. I'm trilled to hear it had such an impact on you. 

I also disagree that there was too much unanswered. How often does any story end with absolutely zero questions about "what happens next?" Stories have to end somewhere, and one-thousand word stories end much too soon no matter how well you wrap it up. Still, the story got 10 points, so the unanswered didn't completely destroy it. 


-------------
Melanie
Group 3
R1 Fantasy: http://bit.ly/1KD6LfO" rel="nofollow - An Impossible Dreamer
R2 Suspense:
http://bit.ly/1YCMroy" rel="nofollow - The Day My Earth Quaked


Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 1:34pm
Originally posted by nixie nixie wrote:

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:

Originally posted by nixie nixie wrote:


My vote: i say we let you be a judge next time....

Unbelievable *shakes head*

I wouldn't be doing this contest if it wasn't for the forum. After thirteen rounds, I've learned that's where I get my real feedback....I have very little respect for the judges anymore. 

Hmm, maybe I should be a judge and whip this blasted contest into shape? Wink


I'm in! - anyone else voting we have Jen as a judge next year?

HAHA! But then I wouldn't get to compete or interact with anyone on the forum...ugh. Forget it. I'm sticking around! I'd probably be a mean judge anyway Tongue


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: dryaddreaming
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 2:47pm
Quote
I'm in! - anyone else voting we have Jen as a judge next year?


Quote
HAHA! But then I wouldn't get to compete or interact with anyone on the forum...ugh. Forget it. I'm sticking around! I'd probably be a mean judge anyway Tongue


I say you would be an awesome judge, but I would miss you too much.

-------------
Dryad Dreaming


Posted By: maiaco
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 2:50pm
Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:


HAHA! But then I wouldn't get to compete or interact with anyone on the forum...ugh. Forget it. I'm sticking around! I'd probably be a mean judge anyway Tongue


I was just thinking the same thing Jen.  Tough choice - it would be great to have a Judge that shook things up a bit, but NOOOOO!!! don't go to the DARKSIDE!  We love having you here with us!


-------------
R2 Gp54: http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15809_post191706.html#191706" rel="nofollow - The Memory Box

no baby acorns have died in the writing of this story



Posted By: milesmum
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 2:51pm
They are looking for judges. I saw their ad on Craigslist. I figured maybe they got rid of old Mr. Cut-and-Paste.


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15756_post191600.html#191600" rel="nofollow - The Clamor of the Hours


Posted By: Archon1995
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 3:03pm
Originally posted by milesmum milesmum wrote:

They are looking for judges. I saw their ad on Craigslist. I figured maybe they got rid of old Mr. Cut-and-Paste.
 
Can't tell if this is serious or not...  Clown


-------------
R1C1 G7 https://bit.ly/2vtL3LA" rel="nofollow - PRESSURE POINT


Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 3:07pm
Originally posted by maiaco maiaco wrote:

Originally posted by jenspenden jenspenden wrote:


HAHA! But then I wouldn't get to compete or interact with anyone on the forum...ugh. Forget it. I'm sticking around! I'd probably be a mean judge anyway Tongue


I was just thinking the same thing Jen.  Tough choice - it would be great to have a Judge that shook things up a bit, but NOOOOO!!! don't go to the DARKSIDE!  We love having you here with us!

LMAO! I won't give in. I won't, I won't! Not even for a million dollars!...Okay, that's a lie. For a million dollars, I'd happily skip over to the "dark side". Wink


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: milesmum
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 3:16pm
Originally posted by Archon1995 Archon1995 wrote:

Originally posted by milesmum milesmum wrote:

They are looking for judges. I saw their ad on Craigslist. I figured maybe they got rid of old Mr. Cut-and-Paste.
 
Can't tell if this is serious or not...  Clown


Seriously! I even saved it, but it's at home and I'm at work right now.


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15756_post191600.html#191600" rel="nofollow - The Clamor of the Hours


Posted By: sunshinequeen
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 4:05pm
Originally posted by BPM BPM wrote:

Originally posted by sunshinequeen sunshinequeen wrote:

''Burned'' by Sarah LeDoux -
 

The vignette format felt gratuitous, it didn't really add much to the story and felt like a weak attempt to make the story stand out more. Same goes for the poetry stuff, which may have felt right in another piece, but felt out of place here. ...........................

It is very unfortunate that NYCMidnight would hire judges that would use the word "weak" above in this comment.  Very much so, to me.  Enough to consult with them in a personal email, if I were you.  There is no reason for that word to exist other than to make you feel poorly. It could have been said other ways, and other judges said it different ways.  The comment is not by itself inappropriate- but the phrasing of the comment--- what is that judge after and why is that judge commenting not on your story but on you?  This is disappointing to me.

I think I might email them. I was afraid I was blowing it out of proportion but when I read it after calming down, it's just irritating and irrelevant. And there was nothing in my piece that was poetry. Three line breaks at the end of a story does not "poetry" make.  If I hadn't gone through and I'd gotten this feedback, I would have been truly devastated. I wonder who else out there got this judge and didn't get through to Round 2. 


Posted By: Literary Pugilist
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 4:34pm
I thought the judges were pretty spot-on with the feedback on mine. I don't have any complaints and I'm pleased I was able to entertain them enough to get 12 points even though I the piece had some major structural issues.


Here is my round 2 feedback:

''Never the Twain Shall Meet'' by Eric Shepard - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ........................This story is a fantastic premise. I love the conjoined twins wishing to be separated. The description in the story is excellent..................................The writer has excellent instincts for when to jump into a story--immediately the core question is asked and we’re excited to be along for the ride until the very end. Although the two Toms are conjoined twins, we can see their different personalities clearly and how much they have to lose, even before they do, which is thrilling.........................…...This is a really clever story, and I love how you use the conjoined twins as a means for conveying the circus theme. The writing and descriptions are wonderful, and I especially love this line: "He blinked twice, and a slit-pupiled, serpent eye stared into the marrow of Two-Toms’ soul." I also adore the way you call them Right-Tom, Left-Tom, and Two-Toms, and the way each twin has a distinct personality -- this is hard to pull off in so few words! ........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ........................The story ends too abruptly, and leaves some interesting ideas behind. “Let the light be dark and the dark be light..” What does this mean? I think if you spend a little more time showing the personalities of both Right and Left-Tom and showing how this line impacts them after they are separated would make this more powerful. Plus, what does One-Eyed Jack mean by the cost being a life (+ 5K)?  That Left-Tom has to murder someone to go to prison? I think this story can work better if you lay the groundwork more in the beginning......................….........Near the end, it seems like the actions of Right-Tom are out of character, since he is the apprehensive one in the beginning. If this was intentional, perhaps the confusing part is that we follow/identify with Right-Tom throughout the story and then out of nowhere, switch to Left-Tom. It’s a confusion of perspective. Whoever has the most to lose and the strongest story--we should follow them............................In your synopsis, you say "a pair of conjoined twins follow a freak show rumor that the new magician has real power" but you don't actually mention the freak show or the circus in the story. Since using the circus as the location is required, you could make it more obvious that the twins work as freak show performers, or that they're visiting a magician who works for a circus. While I enjoy all of the details about the magical moment when the twins split apart, I think you can trim this down to expand the aftermath of Right and Left living separated lives. Do they adopt different names? Do they immediately pursue other passions? Do they live apart? Do they know how to do anything other than being sideshow performers? I was a little let down by Right becoming a drunk who accidentally kills a woman; I feel like you can do more with this "careful what you wish for" lesson by exploring Right and Left's decisions after the 'operation.' Considering the circumstances, it doesn't seem totally logical when One-Eyed Jack says, "You see there were prices to be paid for what you done. Now your brother’s paid ‘em." Did he expect something this gruesome to happen as a result of his magic? Is drinking and killing someone the price one must pay for freedom? You can flesh this part out and add complexity while still maintaining the simplistic fairy tale form.........................……………………………




-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/ch4-s-fuerte_topic11624.html" rel="nofollow - CH4, "Se Fuerte"


Posted By: Doodle
Date Posted: 29 Oct 2015 at 8:26pm
I laughed at these. Grammar aside, I thought the comments were good. One of the judges was way over analytical about the premises of my mythos... must be a hard sci-fi writer. Comments to the effect that they wanted to know more... word count. My intro was info-dumpy... because having a frame, in a story about a frame was just too much for them. Lol. I feel good about it even though the first judge clearly sent me a comment from another story... because Apollo was not in my story.




Runners' High'' by Doodle - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - ...............A creation story of sorts – part myth, part fable – all about not loving the race and not giving up. An interesting set-up of two disparate worlds that are drawn together and become one. One of the most interesting aspects of the story is how one of the 3 fates takes the mantle of Apollo and becomes the sun....................................The story had a great mythic feel -- a sense of agelessness-- which is very hard to do. The language of some of the sentences was simply beautiful and effortless. Kudos! I think this would work better as a longer story where characterization could be explored more. ..............................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ...............The story is a hybrid of sorts: it combines elements of different cultures and styles of storytelling and creates something unique which promises a kind of insight or understanding but remains a bit obtuse. The story tells us that Ryker becomes a sensation – and that is immortal, as if everyone shares the same sensations. Further, the sensation is captured in an image (and paintings, drawings – images – may be experienced but are not feelings per se). Taken together it is a bit confusing. More clarity of imagery might help...............................…...The story was very good, however there were troubles with transitions. Transitions from paragraphs to paragraphs and transitions from character to character. The beginning felt like an infodump because it told a bit too much, even as a fairy tale. I would have preferred to have the information interwoven as we journey through the story and discover its world. .........................................................……………………………[URL= ][/URL]

-------------
R1Gr60 http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15412_post183941.html#183941" rel="nofollow - Kid Cisco


Posted By: milesmum
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 12:36am
Originally posted by Archon1995 Archon1995 wrote:

Originally posted by milesmum milesmum wrote:

They are looking for judges. I saw their ad on Craigslist. I figured maybe they got rid of old Mr. Cut-and-Paste.
 
Can't tell if this is serious or not...  Clown


I saved the text. Here 'tis:

Judges needed for Creative Writing and Screenwriting Competitions

compensation: $2.75 - $5 USD per submission
employment type: part-time

NYC Midnight ( http://www.nycmidnight.com" rel="nofollow - ) is seeking qualified judges for upcoming creative writing and screenwriting competitions. Judges are required to have experience in the field, provide helpful written feedback for the participants on the submissions, and score the entries based on the rules of the competition. Judges are paid between $2.75 USD and $5 USD per entry, which range from 1,000 words to 2,500 words for Creative Writing competitions and 5 pages to 12 pages for Screenwriting competitions.

If you think you are qualified to be a judge, please fill out our online application at
http://svy.mk/1FPNFXn" rel="nofollow - . If we would like to use you as a judge, we will reach out with further information. Thanks in advance!

Additional Notes:
-Judges are required to post a short bio and picture on the competition website.
-Judges are not allowed to participate in NYC Midnight competitions.

  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 5253466535

posted: 20 days ago

updated: 20 days ago

https://accounts.craigslist.org/eaf?postingID=5253466535&token=U2FsdGVkX183MTY3MTY3McxmAwZ8HcY0zTzPYcweAmQjDQ45J3P9ya8tNFTF9ee1d66hISyXQ43bTfwWtlemNwkHQRvDVkw0" rel="nofollow -

https://post.craigslist.org/flag?flagCode=9&postingID=5253466535&" rel="nofollow - [ http://www.craigslist.org/about/best-of-craigslist" rel="nofollow - ]




-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15756_post191600.html#191600" rel="nofollow - The Clamor of the Hours


Posted By: writinginboots
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 8:45am
Originally posted by milesmum milesmum wrote:


I saved the text. Here 'tis:

Judges needed for Creative Writing and Screenwriting Competitions

compensation: $2.75 - $5 USD per submission
employment type: part-time

NYC Midnight ( http://www.nycmidnight.com" rel="nofollow - ) is seeking qualified judges for upcoming creative writing and screenwriting competitions. Judges are required to have experience in the field, provide helpful written feedback for the participants on the submissions, and score the entries based on the rules of the competition. Judges are paid between $2.75 USD and $5 USD per entry, which range from 1,000 words to 2,500 words for Creative Writing competitions and 5 pages to 12 pages for Screenwriting competitions.

If you think you are qualified to be a judge, please fill out our online application at
http://svy.mk/1FPNFXn" rel="nofollow - . If we would like to use you as a judge, we will reach out with further information. Thanks in advance!

Additional Notes:
-Judges are required to post a short bio and picture on the competition website.
-Judges are not allowed to participate in NYC Midnight competitions.

  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 5253466535

posted: 20 days ago

updated: 20 days ago

https://accounts.craigslist.org/eaf?postingID=5253466535&token=U2FsdGVkX183MTY3MTY3McxmAwZ8HcY0zTzPYcweAmQjDQ45J3P9ya8tNFTF9ee1d66hISyXQ43bTfwWtlemNwkHQRvDVkw0" rel="nofollow -

https://post.craigslist.org/flag?flagCode=9&postingID=5253466535&" rel="nofollow - [ http://www.craigslist.org/about/best-of-craigslist" rel="nofollow - ]



This is so sad, and explains so much. 


-------------
Melanie
Group 3
R1 Fantasy: http://bit.ly/1KD6LfO" rel="nofollow - An Impossible Dreamer
R2 Suspense:
http://bit.ly/1YCMroy" rel="nofollow - The Day My Earth Quaked


Posted By: nixie
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 10:05am
Originally posted by milesmum milesmum wrote:

Judges needed for Creative Writing and Screenwriting Competitions

compensation: $2.75 - $5 USD per submission
employment type: part-time

NYC Midnight ( http://www.nycmidnight.com" rel="nofollow - ) is seeking qualified judges for upcoming creative writing and screenwriting competitions. Judges are required to have experience in the field, provide helpful written feedback for the participants on the submissions, and score the entries based on the rules of the competition. Judges are paid between $2.75 USD and $5 USD per entry, which range from 1,000 words to 2,500 words for Creative Writing competitions and 5 pages to 12 pages for Screenwriting competitions.

If you think you are qualified to be a judge, please fill out our online application at
http://svy.mk/1FPNFXn" rel="nofollow - . If we would like to use you as a judge, we will reach out with further information. Thanks in advance!

Additional Notes:
-Judges are required to post a short bio and picture on the competition website.
-Judges are not allowed to participate in NYC Midnight competitions.

  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 5253466535

posted: 20 days ago

updated: 20 days ago


" rel="nofollow -

Jen.....?  I am so not kidding!


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15910_post192199.html#192199" rel="nofollow - Ch2 The Devil In The Details


Posted By: WriterByNight
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 12:41pm
Originally posted by nixie nixie wrote:

Originally posted by milesmum milesmum wrote:

Judges needed for Creative Writing and Screenwriting Competitions

compensation: $2.75 - $5 USD per submission
employment type: part-time

NYC Midnight ( http://www.nycmidnight.com" rel="nofollow - ) is seeking qualified judges for upcoming creative writing and screenwriting competitions. Judges are required to have experience in the field, provide helpful written feedback for the participants on the submissions, and score the entries based on the rules of the competition. Judges are paid between $2.75 USD and $5 USD per entry, which range from 1,000 words to 2,500 words for Creative Writing competitions and 5 pages to 12 pages for Screenwriting competitions.

If you think you are qualified to be a judge, please fill out our online application at
http://svy.mk/1FPNFXn" rel="nofollow - . If we would like to use you as a judge, we will reach out with further information. Thanks in advance!

Additional Notes:
-Judges are required to post a short bio and picture on the competition website.
-Judges are not allowed to participate in NYC Midnight competitions.

  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 5253466535

posted: 20 days ago

updated: 20 days ago


" rel="nofollow -

Jen.....?  I am so not kidding!


Jen, your reviews are worth more than $5/story!!!

Thanks for posting this, Nixie.

-------------
FFC R2 | https://tinyurl.com/y8aocqq5" rel="nofollow - Defenestrated

FFC R1 | https://tinyurl.com/yagf6lut" rel="nofollow - The Farmer from Aschilles | 10 pts


Posted By: nixie
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 1:05pm
Originally posted by WriterByNight WriterByNight wrote:


Jen, your reviews are worth more than $5/story!!!

Thanks for posting this, Nixie.

Can't take credit - I was quoting someone else's share.  But you're right about Jen - we get a lot more from her this way than if she were a judge ;)


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15910_post192199.html#192199" rel="nofollow - Ch2 The Devil In The Details


Posted By: BPM
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 1:49pm
Originally posted by WriterByNight WriterByNight wrote:

Originally posted by nixie nixie wrote:

Originally posted by milesmum milesmum wrote:

Judges needed for Creative Writing and Screenwriting Competitions

compensation: $2.75 - $5 USD per submission
employment type: part-time

NYC Midnight ( http://www.nycmidnight.com" rel="nofollow - ) is seeking qualified judges for upcoming creative writing and screenwriting competitions. Judges are required to have experience in the field, provide helpful written feedback for the participants on the submissions, and score the entries based on the rules of the competition. Judges are paid between $2.75 USD and $5 USD per entry, which range from 1,000 words to 2,500 words for Creative Writing competitions and 5 pages to 12 pages for Screenwriting competitions.

If you think you are qualified to be a judge, please fill out our online application at
http://svy.mk/1FPNFXn" rel="nofollow - . If we would like to use you as a judge, we will reach out with further information. Thanks in advance!

Additional Notes:
-Judges are required to post a short bio and picture on the competition website.
-Judges are not allowed to participate in NYC Midnight competitions.

  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 5253466535

posted: 20 days ago

updated: 20 days ago


" rel="nofollow -

Jen.....?  I am so not kidding!


Jen, your reviews are worth more than $5/story!!!

Thanks for posting this, Nixie.

Reading this ad makes me very skeptical of the contest- although, on some level, I appreciate that it makes rather clear what the bulk of us have seemed to suspect for a while: the forum, the community- thumbs up; the judges- thumbs down.

I would have hoped they would have paid the judges more than this.  Sorry to be so capitalist about it.  And, also-- craigslist.  For real, craigslist?  Not MFA programs, not English departments, not adjunct job seekers, not poets and writers magazine-- but an ad on craigslist?  

It solves, in my mind, that major question from earlier: why is the feedback so crappy?  Well, if you were paid $60 to read a 30 stories (we all know how long it takes to read 30 stories, or most of us do) would you put in more than a few tossed off sentences in response to each?  It becomes, for the judges, I imagine, a moment of trying to meet their requirements, not help out writers.  

It's not horrible, this, but perhaps NYCM shouldn't put judges feedback as a part of the entrance fee- the feedback we get is hardly worthy of the fee, and the feedback is not well curated by the judges.  The judges are not helpful instructors, and looking at how they recruit judges, it's not hard to see why (as noted, Jenna does better than the judges). 

And by hiring the judges, as judges, there is an assumption of excellence.  But the feedback hasn't always been excellent, or is rarely so (I don't mean complimentary, but well thought-through).  I think I would rather simply place or not place, move on or not move on, and save the judges the responsibility of writing feedback, and having to read it, in any other place but the forum.  It doesn't appear to me that this system can meet its own expectations.




-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/grp7-cupcakes-and-crossfit_topic14599.html


Posted By: jenspenden
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 3:52pm
Yes, I echo what BPM said. 

And, the truth is, these judges are probably required to read between 80-200 stories each (if not more). I usually hit my limit around 90. So, I can see how some of them, even if they're qualified and amazing at their job, would eff up. I know I've effed up with many of my critiques due to fatigue and burn out...In fact, some of you are probably rolling your eyes at my reviews this round, LOL! (er, sorry Embarrassed). 



-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/r1-grp-40-comedy-bottoms-up_topic15004.html" rel="nofollow - R1: Bottoms Up

http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15745_post191586.html#191586%20" rel="nofollow - R2: Zili



Posted By: WriterByNight
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 4:09pm
When you do the math per story, don't forget multiple judges look at each story and this is per round. A significant amount of our entry fees does end up towards the judges. More if you progress to final rounds.

I suspect when you subtract the expenses (advertising/judges/web guru/website/legal fees) the only way to pay more is to raise the entry fee - but then fewer people might sign up. Plus the people organizing the contest need to be paid.

Just a thought.

-------------
FFC R2 | https://tinyurl.com/y8aocqq5" rel="nofollow - Defenestrated

FFC R1 | https://tinyurl.com/yagf6lut" rel="nofollow - The Farmer from Aschilles | 10 pts


Posted By: Victoria
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 4:17pm
Honestly, as a professional reviewer, the pricing of this does not surprise me. 

I review for multiple magazines, and I review full length novels, and I get very little more than the price listed in the advertisement. 

However, the listing on craigstlist is saddening. :(

-------------


Posted By: WriterByNight
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 4:49pm
Originally posted by patsy patsy wrote:

I'll start!  BTW, does anyone know what the heck a "table read" is????????
 

"Dialog was a bit stilted as if people talked in complete sentences. A 'table read' and edit might help.........."



They just mean read it out loud when they say table read.



-------------
FFC R2 | https://tinyurl.com/y8aocqq5" rel="nofollow - Defenestrated

FFC R1 | https://tinyurl.com/yagf6lut" rel="nofollow - The Farmer from Aschilles | 10 pts


Posted By: plkphoto
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 5:47pm
Originally posted by WriterByNight WriterByNight wrote:

When you do the math per story, don't forget multiple judges look at each story and this is per round. A significant amount of our entry fees does end up towards the judges. More if you progress to final rounds.

I suspect when you subtract the expenses (advertising/judges/web guru/website/legal fees) the only way to pay more is to raise the entry fee - but then fewer people might sign up. Plus the people organizing the contest need to be paid.

Just a thought.

I think that's basically true, though if you pay $55, and don't make it to later rounds, only $5 of your entry fee is going to the judges (maybe up to $10 in Flash, but I doubt it). I think they could afford to pay them a bit more per story. Especially as the only real variable in payment is for the judges since they're paid per story. Advertising, website maintenance, and the rest are all the same regardless of how many entrants. The only people who get more work with more entries are the judges and the person who's responsible for sorting the stories, giving them to the judges, compiling the comments, and sending out notifications.

My guess is that the price goes up with each round - notice how they have a range of prices listed. So for Flash: in Round 1, there are at least two judges per story and 1400 stories times 2 challenges, which is 5600 stories they have to pay for. They'd probably just do the lower price for those, so we don't get much in the way of feedback.

For Rounds 2 & 3 they have progressively fewer stories, so hopefully they have more judges reading each one and/or pay them more per story … and that's why the feedback improves in later rounds.

I know for myself (and probably for Jen), I generally take an hour or more per story to give detailed feedback. If you tried that at $5 per story, then you'd be earning $5 per hour at most. So as a judge you would have to cut that back to 10 minutes per story to even make $30 per hour - and when they're getting the lower end of the fee, 5 minutes per story for $30 per hour… and suddenly you see why we get two throwaway lines from each judge.


-------------
FFC 2017
http://tinyurl.com/y8s4jdlz" rel="nofollow - C1 G12 "Weathering the Winter" (Fantasy) 14 pts
http://tinyurl.com/yd75332e" rel="nofollow - C2 G12 "Peruvian Love Oil" (RomCom)


Posted By: WriterByNight
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 7:25pm
Originally posted by plkphoto plkphoto wrote:

Originally posted by WriterByNight WriterByNight wrote:

When you do the math per story, don't forget multiple judges look at each story and this is per round. A significant amount of our entry fees does end up towards the judges. More if you progress to final rounds.


<span style="line-height: 16.8px;">I suspect when you subtract the expenses (advertising/judges/web guru/website/legal fees) the only way to pay more is to raise the entry fee - but then fewer people might sign up. Plus the people organizing the contest need to be paid.</span><br style="line-height: 16.8px;"><br style="line-height: 16.8px;"><span style="line-height: 16.8px;">Just a thought.</span>



I think that's basically true, though if you pay $55, and don't make it to later rounds, only $5 of your entry fee is going to the judges (maybe up to $10 in Flash, but I doubt it). I think they could afford to pay them a bit more per story. Especially as the only real variable in payment is for the judges since they're paid per story. Advertising, website maintenance, and the rest are all the same regardless of how many entrants. The only people who get more work with more entries are the judges and the person who's responsible for sorting the stories, giving them to the judges, compiling the comments, and sending out notifications.

My guess is that the price goes up with each round - notice how they have a range of prices listed. So for Flash: in Round 1, there are at least two judges per story and 1400 stories times 2 challenges, which is 5600 stories they have to pay for. They'd probably just do the lower price for those, so we don't get much in the way of feedback.

For Rounds 2 & 3 they have progressively fewer stories, so hopefully they have more judges reading each one and/or pay them more per story … and that's why the feedback improves in later rounds.

I know for myself (and probably for Jen), I generally take an hour or more per story to give detailed feedback. If you tried that at $5 per story, then you'd be earning $5 per hour at most. So as a judge you would have to cut that back to 10 minutes per story to even make $30 per hour - and when they're getting the lower end of the fee, 5 minutes per story for $30 per hour… and suddenly you see why we get two throwaway lines from each judge.



I agree - just thought it may not be obvious where else the funds are going. I have no doubt it costs more than is immediately obvious.

-------------
FFC R2 | https://tinyurl.com/y8aocqq5" rel="nofollow - Defenestrated

FFC R1 | https://tinyurl.com/yagf6lut" rel="nofollow - The Farmer from Aschilles | 10 pts


Posted By: sunshinequeen
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2015 at 7:57pm
Originally posted by plkphoto plkphoto wrote:

Originally posted by WriterByNight WriterByNight wrote:

I know for myself (and probably for Jen), I generally take an hour or more per story to give detailed feedback. If you tried that at $5 per story, then you'd be earning $5 per hour at most. So as a judge you would have to cut that back to 10 minutes per story to even make $30 per hour - and when they're getting the lower end of the fee, 5 minutes per story for $30 per hour… and suddenly you see why we get two throwaway lines from each judge.

I submit perhaps we have "Flash Judges" to match our "Flash Fiction" LOL


Posted By: PaintMeWrite
Date Posted: 02 Nov 2015 at 12:43pm
A TABLE READ FROM MY UNDERSTANDING OF HAVING BEEN AT ONE WHERE THE DIRECTOR AND OR PRODUCER WILL HAVE A POTENTIAL ACTOR/ACTRESS READ PORTIONS OF A SCRIPT IN FRONT OF THEM, SPECIFICALLY, THE PART THEY WANT TO CAST AN INDIVIDUAL FOR.

-------------
PaintMeWrite


Posted By: WriterByNight
Date Posted: 02 Nov 2015 at 1:34pm
Originally posted by PaintMeWrite PaintMeWrite wrote:

A TABLE READ FROM MY UNDERSTANDING OF HAVING BEEN AT ONE WHERE THE DIRECTOR AND OR PRODUCER WILL HAVE A POTENTIAL ACTOR/ACTRESS READ PORTIONS OF A SCRIPT IN FRONT OF THEM, SPECIFICALLY, THE PART THEY WANT TO CAST AN INDIVIDUAL FOR.


This thread is from the flash fiction challenge.

-------------
FFC R2 | https://tinyurl.com/y8aocqq5" rel="nofollow - Defenestrated

FFC R1 | https://tinyurl.com/yagf6lut" rel="nofollow - The Farmer from Aschilles | 10 pts


Posted By: PaintMeWrite
Date Posted: 02 Nov 2015 at 2:45pm
MY APOLOGIES IF I POSTED IT ON THE WRONG FORUM. I THOUGHT I WAS REPLYING DIRECTLY TO WHO WAS ASKING THE QUESTION.

-------------
PaintMeWrite


Posted By: patsy
Date Posted: 02 Nov 2015 at 2:48pm
Originally posted by PaintMeWrite PaintMeWrite wrote:

A TABLE READ FROM MY UNDERSTANDING OF HAVING BEEN AT ONE WHERE THE DIRECTOR AND OR PRODUCER WILL HAVE A POTENTIAL ACTOR/ACTRESS READ PORTIONS OF A SCRIPT IN FRONT OF THEM, SPECIFICALLY, THE PART THEY WANT TO CAST AN INDIVIDUAL FOR.
 
You're in the right place!  That was me, and thank you!!


-------------
http://forums.nycmidnight.com/topic15784_post191647.html#191647" rel="nofollow - My Flash R2 Link


Posted By: WriterByNight
Date Posted: 02 Nov 2015 at 2:58pm
Originally posted by PaintMeWrite PaintMeWrite wrote:

MY APOLOGIES IF I POSTED IT ON THE WRONG FORUM. I THOUGHT I WAS REPLYING DIRECTLY TO WHO WAS ASKING THE QUESTION.


You're not in the wrong forum, just in this instance the table read means something slightly different for the flash fiction contest than it would mean in the screenwriting sense of the word. 

In this case, the judges just meant for her to read it out loud to herself before submitting. 

I'm sorry if my answer wasn't clear. I didn't mean to for it to sound rude. 

Welcome to NYCM. I wish you the best of luck in the screenwriting competition. I entered it too. Hope to see you around the forum.


-------------
FFC R2 | https://tinyurl.com/y8aocqq5" rel="nofollow - Defenestrated

FFC R1 | https://tinyurl.com/yagf6lut" rel="nofollow - The Farmer from Aschilles | 10 pts


Posted By: PaintMeWrite
Date Posted: 02 Nov 2015 at 3:12pm
Thanks

-------------
PaintMeWrite



Print Page | Close Window

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 11.10 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Copyright ©2001-2017 Web Wiz Ltd. - https://www.webwiz.net