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sgspeed View Drop Down
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    Posted: 27 Jul 2021 at 1:16pm
Group 5   Drama   injuring a knee   a line

Posted in the wrong place!! 

My story is here - 



Edited by sgspeed - 28 Jul 2021 at 10:03am
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NERdling View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NERdling Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jul 2021 at 1:44pm
Hi! 

You've posted in the general forum. 

You should go here:

and make a new post. You can edit this post to remove the content (people generally put something like "ignore this")

If you've put a link in one of the master lists already, you should update with a link to your new post. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LRS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jul 2021 at 2:50pm

Alas, I am not well-versed at all in sportsball, so wholly unlikely to get the historic references. I do remember Joe Theismann's leg injury in 1985 (weirdly, was just talking with co-workers about it at lunch before seeing your story). Not sure if that Joe is the connection, though.

The pacing of this piece is immaculate -- and particularly poignant last line.

Repetition of line structure is great too:
"Twenty-three seconds left, down by eight."
"Thirteen seconds. Six yards."

NICE emphasis on urgency, that.
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Michael R. Evans View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Michael R. Evans Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jul 2021 at 4:18pm
Hi groupmate, 
I started with an idea for a lineman who hurts his knee. Glad I changed. Good to have variety in our group. You've written an exciting and straight-forward sports story complete with the glory of extreme physical sacrifice. (I'm not a college football fan, but I'll google your easter eggs later.) Maybe the story could have benefited from a couple of words about a defender nearly taking him down before the release to pump up the drama. But overall, a fun story for a sports fan like me to read. Good luck.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote neilw Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jul 2021 at 8:48am
Engaging story, quite screenplay-like, nice resolution. Can't really fault it tbh, I like the style, everything is in service of the story.


Edited by neilw - 28 Jul 2021 at 9:32am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote smaps000 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Jul 2021 at 11:47am
C2 G9 100 Word Microfiction -- Horror: Searching for a Pet, Immense.

 Title: Codependency

Shadow has been luring me to the woods after dusk, his teeth gently grasping my robe, pulling me toward the treeline. A game we play -- my sweet puggle, who nuzzles my nose, and nestles behind my knees while we sleep. 


Shadow needs me.


But tonight there is no Shadow, no sleep. My flashlight cuts golden lines through the damp haze. “Shadow, come!” My voice against the moonless night impresses the wolves who answer. Unseen, I hear Shadow's command. “It’s time. Time to die.”


My therapist calls it “post-COVID paranoia”. But she doesn’t understand.


The wolves are hungry. 


They need us.


Rosemarie
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