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sgspeed
NYC Midnight Black Belt Joined: 19 Jul 2017 Location: the high desert Status: Offline Points: 2032 |
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Posted: 27 Jul 2021 at 1:16pm |
Group 5 Drama injuring a knee a line
Posted in the wrong place!! My story is here - Edited by sgspeed - 28 Jul 2021 at 10:03am |
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NERdling
NYC Midnight Black Belt Joined: 10 Dec 2014 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 2350 |
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Hi!
You've posted in the general forum. You should go here: and make a new post. You can edit this post to remove the content (people generally put something like "ignore this") If you've put a link in one of the master lists already, you should update with a link to your new post.
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LRS
NYC Midnight Groupie Joined: 15 May 2021 Location: Roanoke, VA Status: Offline Points: 259 |
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Alas, I am not well-versed at all in sportsball, so wholly unlikely to get the historic references. I do remember Joe Theismann's leg injury in 1985 (weirdly, was just talking with co-workers about it at lunch before seeing your story). Not sure if that Joe is the connection, though. The pacing of this piece is immaculate -- and particularly poignant last line. Repetition of line structure is great too: "Twenty-three seconds left, down by eight." "Thirteen seconds. Six yards." NICE emphasis on urgency, that.
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Michael R. Evans
NYC Midnight Addict Joined: 12 Jul 2020 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 826 |
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Hi groupmate,
I started with an idea for a lineman who hurts his knee. Glad I changed. Good to have variety in our group. You've written an exciting and straight-forward sports story complete with the glory of extreme physical sacrifice. (I'm not a college football fan, but I'll google your easter eggs later.) Maybe the story could have benefited from a couple of words about a defender nearly taking him down before the release to pump up the drama. But overall, a fun story for a sports fan like me to read. Good luck.
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neilw
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 17 May 2021 Status: Offline Points: 43 |
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Engaging story, quite screenplay-like, nice resolution. Can't really fault it tbh, I like the style, everything is in service of the story.
Edited by neilw - 28 Jul 2021 at 9:32am |
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smaps000
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 18 May 2021 Status: Offline Points: 43 |
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C2 G9 100 Word Microfiction -- Horror: Searching for a Pet, Immense.
Title: Codependency
Shadow has been luring me to the woods after dusk, his teeth gently grasping my robe, pulling me toward the treeline. A game we play -- my sweet puggle, who nuzzles my nose, and nestles behind my knees while we sleep. Shadow needs me. But tonight there is no Shadow, no sleep. My flashlight cuts golden lines through the damp haze. “Shadow, come!” My voice against the moonless night impresses the wolves who answer. Unseen, I hear Shadow's command. “It’s time. Time to die.” My therapist calls it “post-COVID paranoia”. But she doesn’t understand. The wolves are hungry. They need us. |
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Rosemarie
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