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MF100 R2 G15

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unleashthequiche View Drop Down
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    Posted: 21 Jun 2022 at 1:42pm

Genre: comedy

Action: paying to park a vehicle

Word: Taste





Case Number 3628


Incident: Homicide 

Victim: HENRY IVANOVITCH

Report filed: 04/13/2022 


At approx. 2100 hours, Det. HOLCOMB responded to a call at 373 Horse Highway. 


Forensics- 

Time of death: 1100 hours.

Cause: choking/strangulation.  


MO matched previous three victims: lipstick kiss on left cheek, chess piece in victim’s mouth (rook). 


Investigation revealed lipstick to be brand TASTE ME in ‘RedRave!’ and chess pieces purchased from Chess Bazaar. 


The paid parking stub of a silver Toyota Camry (193YXM) led to the arrest of suspect ANYASTASIA MENCHIK, fellow competitor in the Texas Grandmaster Chess Tournament. 


Conclusion: Don’t rook a kissed corpse in the south. 






 I’ve never written comedy so this was nerve wracking, a few people told me they didn’t get it so wish me luck I suppose!


Edited by unleashthequiche - 21 Jun 2022 at 1:44pm
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shannriley View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shannriley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jun 2022 at 1:48pm
Heatmate!

I've been dying to see how others would utilize the prompts (and also, I am NOT a comedy writer, so I've been curious as to how others would bring humor into the set up), and wow! What a clever take on the prompt, this for sure is going to go over well with the judges.

And a PUN! I love puns! Puns get a bad rap.
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unleashthequiche View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote unleashthequiche Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jun 2022 at 1:53pm
Thank you! Yeah I found it extremely difficult to bring humor into the overall story so I decided to go the pun route. I just hope it’s enough for the genre (:
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Scrib Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Jun 2022 at 5:26pm
First of all your handle is superb!

Thanks for your comments on my story.

I salute how creative this is with the prompts and how this could also be mystery. I really enjoy a bold format and the case note approach is cool. Horse Highway is a nice touch. Was the parking stub on the corpse? 

The last line has a real kick to it very clever!

Thanks for sharing and good luck with the judges! :)

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote slinkylink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Jun 2022 at 9:58am

As a crime junkie, I LOVE that you have written this as a case file. It's a clever way to impart exposition naturally. I appreciate the specificity of the "RedRave!" lipstick brand and the "Chess Bazaar" store. The little details like that give the story the authenticity that sells it as a detective story. I love the last line! I love puns. I'm not good at making them, but I appreciate those who can, so good job! To your concerns: Sometimes it takes a pun a second to sink in, but I "got it" no problem. I think there is "enough" comedy for the genre. I chuckled twice and laughed out loud on the last line, so it worked on me! I really enjoyed this! Best of luck with the judges :)


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