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Lessons learned from your MF feedback?

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swilki View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote swilki Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jul 2021 at 10:00pm
Here's my feedback, didn't make it through to the next round.

'The Grey Dawn'' -     
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - 
{1772}  Lady Jane has a clear conflict and the stakes are high. Select detail helps develop character and gives the reader enough context to understand character, time, and place. Lady Jane's final action provides resolution.   

{2061}  It's nice to imagine the sensory experiences Lady Jane might have been having in this moment, like the breeze. She finishes resolute, which we like to see in a queen, even if brief.  

{2070}  I like the inclusion of the sense of touch with the wind on her face.   

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - 

{1772}  The middle of the story tells more than shows, which might be a missed opportunity to really explore this moment in Lady Jane's life, as it takes us out of the action to provide backstory. Focusing more on her last thoughts, ideas, or observations, for example, could help to give meaning to this last moment in her life, keep the reader in the action, and still develop character.   

{2061}  Maybe, if she's deciding to be strong, we might learn of some weakness in her decision-making in the moment. Is there any part of her that dreams of escape? Or of undoing what has been done?  

{2070}  I would have liked something specific she recognized to know the body was Guildford's.

When I got over my initial huff of "they just don't get me!" I think this is actually pretty reasonable. I was writing her thoughts, but that clearly didn't translate for 1772, possibly because I was trying to write in a flowery Tudor voice that may have made it too dispassionate. 

I think that same issue happened with 2061, plus I was maybe a little too faithful to the subject - Lady Jane Grey's final words were that she was innocent of anything but letting herself be put in that position and I wanted to reflect that but I could have made it more personal. If you're not very familiar with her, it maybe comes off a little cold and I needed to inject a bit more personality into her musings. Definitely something to work on, finding a balance between the restraint of the time and the person underneath.

2073 though, man that's my hill to die on. I am not adding a cheesy convenient birthmark or signet ring. If that one detail was their only issue then I'm taking that as resounding applause! 
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osha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote osha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jul 2021 at 11:41pm
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -

{1966}  There are some good word choices in this piece. I particularly like "perfumed hair." It's wonderful.  

{2093}  You get the sense from this story that it's a regular meeting for this couple (or perhaps not!). I felt they were a couple, she arrives early, waits for him (an anniversary dinner maybe?), he arrives and then leaves her waiting again for a brief moment. There's a sense of mystery, too. Aside from the obvious, why might he be going to the restroom? The author does a good job with tight writing. No wasting of words, using unnecessary adverbs. 

{1744}  You did a great job setting the scene for this story, establishing the atmosphere of the bar and incorporating sensory details like the muffled voices and the perfumed hair. I also liked how the first few lines build a kind of anticipation for what was coming next.   

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - 

{1966}  I would love some indication of whether they know each other. Some kind of recognition of familiarity or lack thereof, would be helpful.   

{2093}  If I could suggest anything, it would be to drop some lines to the next line. For example, What can I get you to drink, Sir?" is a line on its own. "Only then does he look away" is dropped to the next line. Why? Because it adds to the intrigue and tension. Same with "both are enraptured" - this could be a line on its own. By dropping lines, the writer can pace the story a little better, ramp up the intrigue and have the reader pausing on each line and savoring it.  


{1744}  It seems the main event of this story is the man's asking for directions for the bathroom, and I'm not sure your story—which otherwise works well as romance—is well served by that plot point. I'd suggest rethinking this event, to find something else the man might ask for that builds, rather than diminishes, the romantic tension.


One judge got the sense that they knew one another and yet another judge wanted an indication that they knew one another.


One judge liked my word choices but then another judge suggested I should drop a few lines...it's a 100 word prompt?


One judge thought I set the scene and the same judge confused me with what they felt needs work.


Suggesting I rethink a plot point for a 100 word challenge is a moot point, but, what have I learned?


1. That I'm a decent writer where it counts. 


2. There are some judges that lack imagination and want everything written out for them as to not use their own imagination while reading a story.


3. I have far too much anxiety writing for these competitions so I'm taking a break.


I will continue to write on my own but judges contradicting one another is enough for me.



Edited by osha - 23 Jul 2021 at 12:05am
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Sparker View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Sparker Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2021 at 12:54am

Overall, I’m pleased with the specific feedback offered and the opportunity to review the choices I made, and let’s face it, in MF100 we do make a lot of deliberate word choices! 


The full feedback from judges and my response to it are posted to the CRITICAL MALFUNCTION thread. 


There seems to be a disproportionate weight applied to judges feedback by many entrants. The judges were simply three more readers giving their impressions.  For me the value is always right here in the forum readership and feedback. 


My gratitude goes to everyone who has spent their valuable time and imagination on my stories, supporting me to grow and become a better writer.  This is much more validating of my efforts than anything three judges had to say. 


That isn’t to say the judges are wankers. I went and had a click through some of the judges’ profiles. Are you kidding me? There are some hefty credentials sitting in there and even the least of them I would still be glad to have read my work, even if they only give it a cursory read and scribble a less than meaningful line about it. They aren’t the ones sucking at this gig.  


If subjective judging insults or diminishes you, then perhaps writing competitions are not where you are yet or need to be in your journey. Own it and find a format where you flourish.  Be honest.  If you just need a little support to cope with or process this part of the format, reach out.  There is so much talent on display here and I’m completely chuffed to be able to sit at the same table. /spc





Edited by Sparker - 24 Jul 2021 at 1:56am
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KOLynn View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote KOLynn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2021 at 1:29am
Of course the judge's words are given more weight.  They determine our fate in the contest and we want to move forward.

Has anyone said that they were insulted?    

With only 100 words, you can't paint a complete picture and you have to leave a lot for the reader to fill in.  So it's more than a touch aggravating when judges are demanding details that are likely superfluous as a result of the constraints.

I just attempted changes to my own story.  I hesitated, but ultimately took out the word we were supposed to use.  After all, the contest is done.  What does it matter if I don't completely follow the prompt anymore?  Overall, I felt the forced inclusion of the word led to the weakest bit of dialogue.  It is still 100 words exactly since that wasn't what I struggled with.

REWRITE:

“It’s a fool’s errand.”

“I am that fool then.”

He noticed Valtea shake her head in distaste, but he paid it no mind as he strapped on his armor. He scratched at a spot of rust on his breastplate before donning it. 

“I will separate his head from his body.”

“He will eat you alive first.”

“Then I will sit sour in his belly.” He slapped his greaves on. “I will not suffer my grandchildren living with that horror.”

The firelight flickered on her softened face, giving it warmth and hope. “May the blessed Allmother protect you.”

He gave her a curt nod, opened the door, and stepped through.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote surnica Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2021 at 1:39am
Originally posted by KOLynn KOLynn wrote:

Of course the judge's words are given more weight.  They determine our fate in the contest and we want to move forward.

Has anyone said that they were insulted?    

With only 100 words, you can't paint a complete picture and you have to leave a lot for the reader to fill in.  So it's more than a touch aggravating when judges are demanding details that are likely superfluous as a result of the constraints.

I just attempted changes to my own story.  I hesitated, but ultimately took out the word we were supposed to use.  After all, the contest is done.  What does it matter if I don't completely follow the prompt anymore?  Overall, I felt the forced inclusion of the word led to the weakest bit of dialogue.  It is still 100 words exactly since that wasn't what I struggled with.

REWRITE:

“It’s a fool’s errand.”

“I am that fool then.”

He noticed Valtea shake her head in distaste, but he paid it no mind as he strapped on his armor. He scratched at a spot of rust on his breastplate before donning it. 

“I will separate his head from his body.”

“He will eat you alive first.”

“Then I will sit sour in his belly.” He slapped his greaves on. “I will not suffer my grandchildren living with that horror.”

The firelight flickered on her softened face, giving it warmth and hope. “May the blessed Allmother protect you.”

He gave her a curt nod, opened the door, and stepped through.


I love the line "I will sit sour in his belly." This is a very nice piece (before and after the rewrite)!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AutumnBe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2021 at 2:17am
If you’d like to read the story this feedback is based on, the title is “Grenade, Interrupted” from group 6 and I took 13th.

Overall I really loved the feedback. One of the judges just fully didn’t get it, which is fine. To me, since I wrote it, it’s pretty obvious. But, it’s helpful to know it wasn’t obvious to everyone.

Best of luck to those moving forward!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -

 {2059}  I really enjoyed the flip from this "brutal warfare" to the kids playing before dinner. You do a good job of setting it up with the "detonation of water and shredded latex" line and then the "Dinner's ready" makes this piece of microfiction feel worth reading (gives the reader a new perspective). 

 {1909}  This is a fun and original use of the prompts. I enjoyed the unexpected ending. 

 {1626}  Loved it. Clever title and creative take on the opening a door element, and lovely writing. Beautiful opening sentence, which is important. Your vocabulary is impressive, but you don't use it pretentiously, it feels very natural.   

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK -

 {2059}  Obviously, this story is extremely limited by word count, but I would've liked one more character detail about Tommy. We get a great sense of who Lauren is, but since he's the only other character we really meet, it would be great to define him just a touch more (or hint at why they seem to have such a rivalry). The more specific you can be, the more that twist at the end will really land. 

 {1909}  Not knowing what these characters were actually doing and what they were really playing with was a little underwhelming for me. 

 {1626}  You're a very strong writer. At that point, the main thing separating you from other writers is a willingness to emotionally connect to your reader to the point of vulnerability. That said, I enjoyed this funny short story immensely.




Edited by AutumnBe - 23 Jul 2021 at 2:20am
250R1 - Last Word
500R3 - Seeding the Clouds
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sparker Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2021 at 3:12am
Originally posted by  KOLynn  KOLynn wrote:

Of course the judge's words are given more weight.  They determine our fate in the contest and we want to move forward. 

As everyone should.  So let’s do that.  Let’s all move forward, all of us, not just the top 15. Shall we? 

Originally posted by  KOLynn  KOLynn wrote:

Has anyone said that they were insulted?    

Have you not seen the amount of bumhurt on these threads? I am going to need haemorrhoid cream for my eyeballs! 

Originally posted by  KOLynn  KOLynn wrote:

With only 100 words, you can't paint a complete picture and you have to leave a lot for the reader to fill in.  So it's more than a touch aggravating when judges are demanding details that are likely superfluous as a result of the constraints.

I respectfully disagree.  The challenge is, actually, to paint a complete story within 100 words. 

I have yet to see any demand from any judge in any of the active feedback forums so far. I see some odd suggestions of how the story might be enhanced. Our tools in Microfiction are limited, and we have two other required elements to incorporate. 

Here, you have demonstrated your process of reviewing the feedback, and either justifying your word choices and narrative structures or playing with them to see if you can apply the feedback, even if takes you in a different direction.  You have done this, and I have done the the same.  (I stood by my choices but felt they were stronger for having been reviewed.) 

I think you also hit the nail on the head when you say that you don’t need to apply feedback within the WC, or stick to the other requirements. As you’ve said, after submission the rules don’t apply anymore, and what you have is a 100 words story, a great stub size that gives you some room to add on, fill any gaps and resubmit in other micro categories. I’ve heard more than a few say they’ve tweaked entries that didn’t advance and sold them on. It definitely doesn’t have to end here.

Good luck and I’ll look forward to reading more. 





Edited by Sparker - 23 Jul 2021 at 3:19am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote osha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2021 at 3:28am
Originally posted by KOLynn wrote KOLynn wrote wrote:

 Of course the judge's words are given more weight.  They determine our fate in the contest and we want to move forward.

Has anyone said that they were insulted?    

With only 100 words, you can't paint a complete picture and you have to leave a lot for the reader to fill in.  So it's more than a touch aggravating when judges are demanding details that are likely superfluous as a result of the constraints.

I just attempted changes to my own story.  I hesitated, but ultimately took out the word we were supposed to use.  After all, the contest is done.  What does it matter if I don't completely follow the prompt anymore?  Overall, I felt the forced inclusion of the word led to the weakest bit of dialogue.  It is still 100 words exactly since that wasn't what I struggled with.


All of THIS. THANK. YOU.

Edited by osha - 23 Jul 2021 at 3:32am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote jimiflan2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2021 at 4:41am
I have posted my feedback in my thread, which you can see in my signature. I came 7th, got decent feedback, but more importantly this story has been picked up and will be published in a forthcoming anthology. so if you use that as a benchmark, anyone with a story good enough to score points, use the feedback from the judges and try and get it published somewhere!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nickofnight Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2021 at 7:11am
Congrats Jimi! That’s amazing news 
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