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Hey, losers...

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Alex Grey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Alex Grey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Apr 2019 at 3:09am
Originally posted by karlynns karlynns wrote:

Originally posted by Alex Grey Alex Grey wrote:

This story was a particular challenge for me as I hate the horror genre - I don't read it or watch it and, on the rare occasion that I've caugh the edge of a Stephen King film, I have regretted it. Yet the reality of taking part in the NYC Competitons, which I am keen to do, means that I may need to embrace the horror genre one day. I could have waited and crossed that bridge if/when I came to it, but I thought I would use losers corner (insert apostrophe as appropriate!) as an opportunity to explore the genre.

I've tried to work with the prompts and the story comes in at 1,942 words so I have a few to play with. The post is protected - the password is Dianahounds

This story made me cry as I was writing it and nothing about it has made me change my horror of horror. I think that the worst part is that the most horrifying aspects are based in truth.

I dedicate this story to the galgos and podencos - may Diana protect you.

Oh, wow!  This is deeply, deeply creepy, and a great story!  But I was sad to find out it's based in reality.

As someone who enjoys a good horror story, this is great!  I loved the idea of her haunting the area, avenging the dogs.  And Diana clouding his mind and making people see what she wanted them to see was a cool device.  It gave me goosebumps!

If I had to give any constructive advice, I'd just say that if you wanted to truly sell this as a horror story (and didn't have the limitation of the word count), I think you could lean into the horror of the situation a little more.  I'm guessing that it's because you don't really like horror, but you kind of gloss over the actual gruesome events - like her dying, alone and in pain, in a well on top of her dog.  I think you could expand on all of that a little more - the sounds, the smells, what it felt like for her to be covered in a well alone...THAT is what horror is all about!  

Now to go think about something less creepy and snuggle my pets...


Hi Karlynn

Thank you so much for your review - I am so repelled by the story that I'm grateful to every reader for enduring it and am fighting the urge to send round conciliatory tissues, chocolate and wine as compensation!

You make a good point about the scene at the bottom of the well - as one of my other betas said "if the bottom of the well is so dark, how did she know what she'd landed in" - fair point! I have around 50 words to spare so I may have a cheeky edit before putting on the master list as a non-comp (Suave is setting this up for us). :-)

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The.Black.Violet View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The.Black.Violet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Apr 2019 at 12:09am
Hey Karlynn! I read your horror story and wanted to tell you that I liked it! The ending was great and super creepy. I especially loved the line that you also use as your title. Super effective!
My biggest piece of advice would be to rely more on the atmosphere or your character's senses to portray the fear/discomfort rather than telling us that the house is "sinister" or scary. If you tell us then you're preparing us for the scare rather than letting it creep up on us.

Nice job!

Edited by The.Black.Violet - 02 May 2019 at 12:19am
Read my Screenplay R1 The Gift of The Magpie
Read my SSC R1 Story The Ghost of The Diolkos
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