"Justice" G109 Sci-Fi |
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Geoff C
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 13 May 2021 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 91 |
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Posted: 20 Oct 2021 at 4:07am |
"Justice" G109 Sci-Fi
Locking eyes Vote “Good morning temporary being!” The voice was liquid sarcasm. “Welcome to dCloud, I am Minister for Collections and
Corrections. You are prisoner Simpleman?” Simpleman shrugged within connected electrodes and restraints. “Prisoner, fool! You paid Deletions Inc. a considerable sum to
erase all data relating to your crime; correct? Did you think you could get
away with murder?” Simpleman’s eyes rolled. “So naive.” Minister sighed. “See, when you create a video,
a photo, type a sentence, you have brought into being something that previously
didn’t exist. You have created matter. Matter can’t be destroyed. When you hit
delete, those characters and pixels, don’t just cease to be. My Ministry
collects and stores them in dCloud. We can’t have cyber space clogging up with randomly
discarded ones and zeros, can we? And the best bit? Deletions Inc. is a division of my Ministry
of Collections. Oh no!” Simpleman moaned. “When serious crimes occur, we make collated deletions available
(for a fee) to aggrieved parties to pass judgement. As a result, your victim’s
family has voted to have you digitised, then… deleted! Collect connect correct! Justice! You will soon be reunited with everything you have erased:
troll hate, compromising photos, pop up ads, your exes, and of course, your
plans for murder. All that you thought was gone, is all you that will see, for
eternity! Welcome to dCloud. Welcome to hell!” Simpleman convulsed, shimmered, pixelated. “Meet your fate.” Minister
sneered. “Delete!” |
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iress
NYC Midnight Black Belt Joined: 28 Aug 2021 Status: Offline Points: 4138 |
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Hi there!
This was an imaginative use of the prompts. It is an interesting sort of spiritual angle…if there’s no guaranteed hell in the afterlife, then why not assure a man made one on earth via modern technology? You have a very unique premise and good world building. I did find myself wanting a little more from Simpleman, or at least some small clues sprinkled throughout to understand what he did so I can see what kind of killer he is. Initially he seems arrogant and bored, but if he isn’t remorseful, he may not find this “hell,” but if you indicate earlier he’s at least scared or emotional, then it is a type of justice and the final line becomes more meaningful. But, this was still very good and not an idea I think I’ve ever come across before. Good job!
Edited by iress - 23 Oct 2021 at 10:59pm |
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Geoff C
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 13 May 2021 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 91 |
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Hello, thanks for reading my story. Giving Simpleman a little more depth is one of several improvements I have thought of since the comp closed. I really appreciate your insights and kind words.
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