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Suave
NYC Midnight Black Belt Joined: 25 Jan 2015 Location: Thailand Status: Offline Points: 25027 |
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Posted: 01 Apr 2020 at 9:31pm |
This has been moved to the Short Story Challenge forum for privacy of the protected part of the forum under "Our feedback made easy to find". Edited by Suave - 01 Apr 2020 at 9:40pm |
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Judy
NYC Midnight Regular Joined: 12 Jul 2019 Location: Montréal Status: Offline Points: 390 |
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Moving my reply. Edited by Judy - 01 Apr 2020 at 9:43pm |
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jennifer.quail
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''The
Artist Is Not Present'' by Jennifer Quail -
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - {1942} The Artist Is Not Present is an interesting concept in terms of describing Molchalin. Of course, inspired by Marina Abramovic, it took me some time to remove her from my mind and take in your story. A title change is certainly not required as it fits the story yet perhaps get a consensus with other readers and see what they say. This story is worth to have it's own standing. {1807} I was with this clever story every single step of the way...until I reached the ending. You've given yourself an incredible challenge by generating such a high-level of suspense. Without an ending that is equally surprising and inevitable, the suspense feels overinflated. How does this ending providing satisfaction and closure? How is it surprising? How is it inevitable? I'm not sure how you accomplish this exactly, but you have to devise a conclusion that addresses these classical requirements. (Either that, or consider this the first chapter in a longer work. The voice of your main character is so engaging that I think they could sustain a full-length narrative.) I believe the best way to conclude this story is to have the critic descend fully into some sort of psychosis wherein they lose the ability to describe their experience in words. The erosion must become complete, pushing the critic so far over the edge they can never return. Experiencing the artwork must cause the critic's reliance on language to vanish completely. What prompts that shove into madness, only you can decide. {1504} The pace tends
to lag a little. You might reveal some tragedies that supposedly resulted from
visiting the Door installation. I think the ending could have a stronger sense
of resolution. |
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tdeveau
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 27 Jan 2020 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 41 |
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oops - just noticed the other thread. Moving my response
Edited by tdeveau - 02 Apr 2020 at 12:03pm |
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coffeeandcookies
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 01 Apr 2020 Status: Offline Points: 57 |
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Hi, where can I find the Short Story 2020 Forum? Is it within these forums or is it on a different website?
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Suave
NYC Midnight Black Belt Joined: 25 Jan 2015 Location: Thailand Status: Offline Points: 25027 |
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If you go to the top of the page here you will see "creative writing corner" click on it and then you will see "sub forums" Click on the "short story challenge 2020 review" and you will there find what you are looking for!
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