R1 Grp15 Historical Fiction "The Origins of Anne" |
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MsVickie
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 01 Feb 2017 Location: Canada, eh Status: Offline Points: 95 |
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Posted: 03 Apr 2019 at 10:44pm |
Oops, that previous post was also by me from an account I accidentally created when I thought the first one wasn't working. Anyway, again, thank you SEHBicyle and Seacore for your kind words!
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2021 100-word Microfiction: Surviving Sally
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Vickster
Newbie Joined: 29 Jan 2019 Status: Offline Points: 1 |
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Thank you SEHBicyle and Seacore for your kind words! I'm excited to move onto the second round.
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Seacore
NYC Midnight Addict Joined: 28 Jan 2019 Status: Offline Points: 1442 |
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Rollicking read, congrats on first place in your heat.
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SEHBicycle
NYC Midnight Addict Joined: 26 Jan 2015 Location: Westerville, OH Status: Offline Points: 813 |
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Congratulations on winning the heat, in only your 2nd year of NYCM SSC. Well done!
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jojoBee
NYC Midnight Groupie Joined: 17 Jul 2017 Location: Tacoma Status: Offline Points: 149 |
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This is a fun story! I really her voice and determination. And you did a great job with your prompts.
I think some sentences can be broken up for clarity and there are some words that can be trimmed as they aren't necessary for understanding. For example this sentence -
Could be shortened to : Those are all final editing things though and not at all necessary! I do think they would give more room to add to this story though, which would be great because i wanted to know more! I'd love to have seen a bit more of her interactions with others, she's clearly a bold woman. Her relationship with Jack when he isn't being a jerk would also be nice haha Great job!
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MsVickie
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 01 Feb 2017 Location: Canada, eh Status: Offline Points: 95 |
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Oh man, thank you so much for this detailed analysis, Anansi! You're totally on point with asking where Mary Read is! As you said, we can only do so much with 2500 words and it's possible I already did too much. I didn't think I'd be able to fit Anne into the narrative I'd imagined so I cut her out entirely. I actually loved all of the research I was doing into Anne/Mary/Jack and I think I might write a much longer piece that goes into everything. And OH MY GOD. I can't believe we both got historical fiction/pregnancy/intoxication and BOTH wrote about Anne Bonny. Like, nowhere in that prompt was pirates listed and yet our minds still both went there... Hahahaha. Alright, now I'm off to read your version! Will post comments about it on your thread. :)
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2021 100-word Microfiction: Surviving Sally
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Anansi
NYC Midnight Addict Joined: 30 Jan 2019 Location: Bristol Status: Offline Points: 1208 |
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Hi Vicky,
Nice work. As someone that had been rehearsing this historical period a lot of late π It's good to see so much accurate detail. Totally believable dialogue and situations. A ripping yarn. Great pace. I guess my main question would be - where's Mary reade? Only because they are the Thelma and louise of pirates - always mentioned together - so I was constantly wondering when she would pop up! I thought one of the other crew that challenged Anne would be Mary (or maybe she was...) Some of the detail was great. Loved the exotic intoxicating powder, and tales of sea serpents. And the image of the currents under the ship / metaphors for drunkenness. Another general point would be (and I struggled with this one too) with a long and action packed narrative (from Defoe) it's sometimes good to choose your moment(s) and focus in on that'll the centre piece of the story, rather than give a general overview of Anne's whole piratical career. A bit hard with 2500 words! Having said that, you do pretty well at achieving just that it must be said. Finally I would suggest adding a bit more spacing/ thinking about presentation. For a short story I like seeing a bit more white space. Makes me focus on the text more but perhaps that's just me. Good luck, and again, shocked you opted for the same subject as me- great minds eh ππ€ β οΈβοΈπΈπ» |
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Anansi
NYC Midnight Addict Joined: 30 Jan 2019 Location: Bristol Status: Offline Points: 1208 |
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Hi Vickie,
This is hilarious. I got the same group and opted for EXACTLY the same subject matter. It landed on me in about 5 seconds of getting the prompt email. I thought it was because I've always liked this story, but now I'm interested to see if we were the only ones! Also very interested to see your take on the story. Here's mine Olly
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BleuSky
NYC Midnight Groupie Joined: 26 Jul 2017 Status: Offline Points: 232 |
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Like the other reader, I did wonder why Anne admitting to the men she was a woman made Jack turn into such a drunk. And I wondered if the 'favor' the cousin owed him would be having her (and the babe) conveniently killed. Jack didn't come across as a particularly fatherly or loving type. As I read I found myself wishing the men would mutiny behind her, ha. It's like reading Romeo and Juliet, you wish for a change in ending despite knowing where it's going. A question I was left with was why was one other ship mate mentioned given a stay of execution? Was it Thomas? If so, mentioning his name might tie in nicely, providing a bit of backstory/connection as you read on. And it could work for some fun loyalty dynamics as you expand the story. She saved his life, maybe he would work somehow to save hers and the baby's. Future romance? :) Overall, thanks for the fun read!
Edited by BleuSky - 01 Feb 2019 at 3:45pm |
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MsVickie
NYC Midnight Newbie Joined: 01 Feb 2017 Location: Canada, eh Status: Offline Points: 95 |
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Thank you so much, Agdabag1! Great feedback. Definitely a lot of what you describe is me writing this story very quickly, hahaha. When I revise I'll clean up the story with some of your suggestions. :)
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2021 100-word Microfiction: Surviving Sally
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