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lisafox10800 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lisafox10800 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2018 at 5:57pm
My feedback is in my story post if anyone wants to see. 

Funny enough, two of the judges suggested that I make a connection between the woman in the museum and my MC. Which is what so many of you said, and which was one of my greatest debates. (I elected not to because I didn't have the space to really flesh it out and it felt too convenient since I couldn't actually do anything with it).

One judge told me I shouldn't have used a beagle (Great Dane, anyone??) Smile and another wanted more back story.

And one judge didn't like the way I described my time jumps. 

Overall, I'm satisfied with my feedback this round - some suggestions were more helpful than others, of course. Mostly, I'm happy they took the time to really read my script and think about its nuances. 
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Andrea View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andrea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2018 at 6:17pm
Originally posted by Splinker Splinker wrote:

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WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - {1640} You have an unlimited budget, go for it! 

If only you had an unlimited number of pages to explore all their suggestions!Smile
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JeffreyHowe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2018 at 6:40pm
I too posted my FB up with the script. There was nothing surprising in it. Basically I agreed with the one mechanical glitch I was called out on, and disagreed about the more substantial questions--not so much because I think the judges were objectively wrong, but because doing what they wanted would have succeeded in making the story hew closer to genre expectations while making it less interesting, to me at least. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Pigpen_NYC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2018 at 7:05pm
HUFF N PUFF - 15 pts

Fairy tale/Wastewater Treatment Facility/frankfurter

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - {1733}  I really loved this one! What a fun tale on classics!  {1569}  Wolf, as a character, is a clever re-imagining of the original Big Bad Wolf. Dave as a sidekick is funny, wise, and shallow all at the same time. A great character. Favorite dialog line: That is highly offensive.

The "matter of fact" dialog style was fairly consistent for all characters and worked to re-enforce the sense of community (albeit friction filled) in the script.  {1739}  The disenchanted attitudes of Wolf and Dave were very funny. 

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - {1733}  I didn't understand the last scene and the scene before it - how did they blend together to create an ending? Why does the wolf have a job when he has another, blowing down houses? I feel like I'm missing something that you should explain.  {1569}  The ending felt as if it repeated the 1st scene between the Wolf and the hay house pig. There didn't seem to be a significant difference between the two encounters. The pacing throughout felt slow. A bit more plot twists/conflict/action/suspense might have added to the experience.  {1739}  The payoff was a bit confusing. What was Dave's idea? 


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Vernacula Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2018 at 7:20pm
My first judge pasted the 'needs work' in both spots, so that was a shock at first. Ha.

I'm so glad 1733 got some feedback of their own! Some really nice, substantive thoughts this time out. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Random Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2018 at 7:36pm
Originally posted by lisafox10800 lisafox10800 wrote:

One judge told me I shouldn't have used a beagle (Great Dane, anyone??) Smile and another wanted more back story.


Caucasian Shepherd.  Think "barking bear".

There probably weren't any in this country when your piece was set, but who has ever let a little continuity issue like that stop them?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sgspeed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2018 at 8:10pm
I was happy with the feedback.  It started my brain cooking on how to work on the script more, especially without a page limit.  And since I don't have to write in the next one, I might just do that!!!






''Ladies and Gentlemen'' WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - {1739}  Very chilling. Sam is a fascinating character. It isn't hard to imagine society reaching a place where gender needs to be assigned as more and people are able to decide what gender they want to give birth to.  {1758}  This is an engaging and timely Sci Fi script. The premise of government gender assignment is interesting and relevant to current issues of gender and identity. The type of dystopian society you have captured seems all to possible.  {1733}  I thought you had a great story that really speaks to an issue that's in the news a lot today. I liked how you used their face at the end. Small touches aren't lost on me.  WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - {1739}  Consider adding just another line or two to clarify how and why people are chosen for reassignment. Also, how is reproduction handled? Can reassigned females give birth?  {1758}  The following comments are intended to provide ideas for helping you improve your script in future rewrites. Your work has a lot going for it and I encourage you to continue editing and refining it. Two comments:

I didn’t understand the connection between Joseph’s comment, “We’ve got a gender rebel in there,” and the printing of a dance card and small pencil.

The ending is a bit of a let down. I can only assume that Sam is shocked into submission and eventually accepts her assignment. I think the story would be more compelling if Sam was tougher than that and fought harder for her desires.  {1733}  I didn't get enough reason for this torture. If it's a class, that's one thing, but if it's torture, you really have to heighten the justification to match the crime, so to speak. Give us more reasons or give her more ways to rebel.


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Andrea View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andrea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2018 at 9:02pm
Originally posted by sgspeed sgspeed wrote:

I was happy with the feedback.  It started my brain cooking on how to work on the script more, especially without a page limit.  And since I don't have to write in the next one, I might just do that!!!

I really enjoyed your piece.  I'm glad to see it did well, and that you're tackling a revision.  Good luck to you!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thesaura73 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2018 at 9:22pm
I added my feedback to the post for my submission. All good feedback (really surprised at the amount of feedback I got from one judge, the others were pretty dismissive). 
SC R1 - Hothouse Flowers (Mystery)
SS Ch1 - A Curated Experience (Suspense)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NilesPerry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 12:26am
I find it increasingly annoying that the judges are so trigger-happy about pointing out the flaws in our work -- typos, punctuation errors, grammar errors, etc. -- yet their feedbacks are riddled with exactly those same errors. Here's a perfect example from the feedback I received today:

{from judge #1739, in case anyone is curious} If Valdez saves Todd and murders Prescott, don't elude to it, show it.

The word is "allude," not "elude." According to three websites I looked at, we should know the difference between these two words, and how to use them properly, by 7th or 8th grade (roughly age 13 or 14).

My feedback email also contained a total of 7 punctuation errors, three grammatical errors and four typos.

After 4-years, I'm starting to lose faith in NYC Midnight. This is not the first feedback I've received that has had these problems. If a judge is going to climb down my throat over a typo or missing punctuation or whatever, then that same judge can take the time to proofread his/her own writing. There's just no excuse for apparent incompetence.

And on a different subject...

Screenwriting is a visual medium, right? Judge #1640 (whom I've had problems with in the past) told me I shouldn't have written two visual scenes, that I should have simply explained the action in one or two lines of dialogue. Aren't we taught to, "Show it, don't say it?" Since this is a competition, and there's no expectation of selling the screenplay to anyone, why not show whatever we want, so long as it propels the story and makes an entertaining screenplay? Why should I cut two scenes if they are pertinent to the story? Why should I throw those scenes away in dialogue? I was "showing" what my characters were doing, and I got called out for it? Seriously?

Anyway, I'll step down from my soapbox now. Thank you for tolerating my rants. Congratulations to all moving into the next challenge... I look forward to seeing all of you and continuing to compete against you (yes, I'm also moving on).
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