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plkphoto View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote plkphoto Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Nov 2015 at 8:50pm
I think posting it both here and on your story is the normal thing… If you put it on your review thread it's always associated with the actual story, even in the archives. I usually add a direct link to the comment with the feedback on my original story post as well. But it's really good to see everyone's feedback side-by-side here, too. 

Thanks everyone for sharing so far! It's good to see that all the groups are receiving decent feedback this time (at least it all seems to be more considered). I also love seeing how often the judges' feedback does or does not match up with the forum feedback. Despite the judges' "credentials" - I haven't been around long, but so far I've consistently found the forum feedback to be much more useful and thorough. Smile

FFC 2018

Ch1 Gr62 -- The Other Side of the Coin (Thriller)
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LyndaD View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LyndaD Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2015 at 11:26am
I didn't advance, either. And I have to admit I'm a little disappointed. 

''The mark'' by Lynda White - WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - .........I throroghly enjoyed Sarah's stream of conciousness. It was realistic and never too much. Sarah's internal conflict between wanting to provide the ideal life for her child and wishing she had had it herself is quote compelling....The steady pace of The Mark allows for information to be revealed late in the story without seeming clunky or inevitable.  Instead, it unfolds comfortably, confidently, in its own time.  ...............This is a really thoughtful piece about beauty and self-acceptance. I genuinely enjoyed following Sarah's thoughts about her birthmark and letting them evolve. ......................................................…...........................…………………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - .........I'd consider replacing the black-eyed Susan with a more familiar flower. The name of this one just threw me off a bit, I kept wanting to associate it with a person, and it seemed too many words for a simple, clear idea....However, because it is basically a meditation on a meandering mind in a waiting room, this pace feels somewhat lost on a piece of fiction that is more backstory than story................The doctor's own port wine stain came as a surprise at the end, which was effective but felt almost too abrupt. Dr. Frant paints to relieve stress, but I'm curious to know--and would like you to provide a little more insight into--how a birthmark can cause so much stress. You reflect on how the stain affected Sarah's development, but cluing the reader into how it affects her daily life now might give us more insight into both her and the doctor's current struggles....

 I thought this was a pretty solid story. I wasn't aware that the black-eyed Susan was an unfamiliar flower.  I guess I could make it a rose and make the doctor's name Rose, but that seems too cliche to me.  Or maybe the judge missed that the doctor's name was Susan, and so the flower in the paintings represented her? 
 I thought Sarah iteration of missed opportunities indicated how a birthmark could cause stress, and it didn't need to be elaborated on (and I didn't have the word count left to do so anyway).
Not really sour grapes, just a feeling that some judges didn't quite 'get' it, I guess.Ermm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nixie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2015 at 2:12pm
Originally posted by LyndaD LyndaD wrote:

 I wasn't aware that the black-eyed Susan was an unfamiliar flower.  I guess I could make it a rose and make the doctor's name Rose, but that seems too cliche to me.  Or maybe the judge missed that the doctor's name was Susan, and so the flower in the paintings represented her? 
 I thought Sarah iteration of missed opportunities indicated how a birthmark could cause stress, and it didn't need to be elaborated on (and I didn't have the word count left to do so anyway).
Not really sour grapes, just a feeling that some judges didn't quite 'get' it, I guess.Ermm

I actually liked the black-eyed Susan - in retrospect, is came off as a bit of foreshadowing that Susan had a 'black eye' of her own.

I also felt Sarah did a reasonable job (word limits) of showing he she *felt* the mark had affected her.  IN a longer piece, it'd love to see some distinction between what she thought happened and what actually happened - to kind of show that she was doing some of it to herself - but even so, for current purposes - it was 'there' for me.

Rather like the judges who didn't get the "film noir" references in another story - i think there is no such thing as a story that reaches every audience, and you just happened to have some folks who were not 'the audience' for this tale.  JMHO...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote plkphoto Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2015 at 6:40pm
@LyndaD

(PLK realises she hasn't read this one… I'm so behind! --- but also totally intrigued now. Adds to list.)

 I know Black-eyed Susan's from the US, but it's not something most people in Australia would necessarily be familiar with. I think the judges come from all over, so that might be the problem.

On the other hand, based on the other comments, I think a more familiar flower would not have worked as well. Just remember the judges' comments are only a couple of people's opinions - and people who had to read thirty stories with the same prompts. The comments you get on the forum are much more meaningful.

Last round, one of my judges thought my Fairy Tale was the perfect representation of everything that a fairy tale should be and the other hated all the things that the first judge said made it a fairy tale. I came to the comforting conclusion that the second judge had been deprived of fairy tales (real ones) as a child and only knew the Disney versions. Tongue
FFC 2018

Ch1 Gr62 -- The Other Side of the Coin (Thriller)
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