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NilesPerry View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NilesPerry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 2:19pm
MAGIC HOUR? Really? Granted, we want our writing to stand out, but “magic hour” sounds like it walked right off the page of a novel. Scene headings, or sluglines, or camera shots, whatever you call them, should be straightforward: DAY, NIGHT, MORNING, EVENING and LATER are all the time designations I use, plain and simple. So, in the case of “dusk” or “magic hour” my camera shot and action might look like this:

EXT. SCOTT’S HOUSE - BACKYARD - EVENING

The sun hangs low in the sky, casting long shadows on the ground. Scott stands in the yard, deep in thought as he watches the sun disappear behind nearby hills...

Something like that, anyway. Those are my thoughts on the subject, for what they’re worth.
SSC Ch 2 7 P
SSC Ch 1 12 P
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Vernacula View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Vernacula Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 3:45pm
Originally posted by NilesPerry NilesPerry wrote:

MAGIC HOUR? Really? Granted, we want our writing to stand out, but “magic hour” sounds like it walked right off the page of a novel. Scene headings, or sluglines, or camera shots, whatever you call them, should be straightforward: DAY, NIGHT, MORNING, EVENING and LATER are all the time designations I use, plain and simple. So, in the case of “dusk” or “magic hour” my camera shot and action might look like this:

EXT. SCOTT’S HOUSE - BACKYARD - EVENING

The sun hangs low in the sky, casting long shadows on the ground. Scott stands in the yard, deep in thought as he watches the sun disappear behind nearby hills...

Something like that, anyway. Those are my thoughts on the subject, for what they’re worth.


It's not really about standing out, but rather using accepted formatting standards. Funnily enough, the term is derived from a very visual idea, so it's not literary in any way. I would never, ever use evening/morning, but everyone has to do what feels comfortable and right for them! ;-)

Here are some links talking about MAGIC HOUR (sometimes called GOLDEN HOUR, as well).

http://kb.finaldraft.com/article/1001/708/

http://resources.screenwritersuniversity.com/resources/20-common-sense-script-rules-in-no-particular-order

https://uncleanarts.com/variations-in-screenplay-format/

http://www.createyourscreenplay.com/qodArchive.htm

https://www.reddit.com/r/Screenwriting/comments/4iyp3x/question_whats_the_best_way_to_indicate_that_a/

http://deconstructthescript.blogspot.com/2016/11/screenwriting-fundamentals-6-sluglines.html

 

 

 

 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bksamples Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 3:58pm
''The Scrappers'' G12: Horror/Construction Crane/Couch - 9 points

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY
{1636}  The Man is disturbing in action, language and description.  This horrid being adds to the general excitement and thrill of the escape sequence.  
{1758}  This is a gripping, harrowing horror story that does a good job of keeping the reader engaged. The MAN/villain is well conceived and truly a nasty creature. Nice wordplay with the title, too.  
{1739}  Maria's thought process was quick and enjoyable. The Man was definitely disturbing.  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK
{1636}  At times this screenplay can feel a bit brutal without context.  A little more about Maria - backstory, what is driving her here - might help to add some humanity to this nightmarish, otherworldly narrative.  
{1758}  The following comments are intended to provide ideas for helping you improve your script in future rewrites. Your work has a lot going for it and I encourage you to continue editing and refining it. The one issue in the script that you might want to look at again is the ending, which sort of trails off instead of concluding with a bang. Yes, he has her fingers, but he could have so much more. Why does he let her crawl away? Think about giving Maria one more chance to kill the creature.  
{1739}  It was very difficult to form an emotional attachment to the characters and events. Even as Maria was working to get herself out of the situation, I had very little sense of who she was. Consider adding another character for her to sound off with or some mythology to the place.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bmcthomas Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 7:11pm
Same judge complained that “dusk” was not a good time of day to set a scene because it’s hard to film.

This is a ludicrous critique. The parameters of this challenge do not include logistics of filming. The challenge a theoretical director might have in filming a scene in a script that isn't being made, has no bearing on the quality of your writing, which is what this contest is presumably about. 

I'm sorry you received that note. It's absurd. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Vernacula Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 7:28pm
Originally posted by bmcthomas bmcthomas wrote:

Same judge complained that “dusk” was not a good time of day to set a scene because it’s hard to film.

This is a ludicrous critique. The parameters of this challenge do not include logistics of filming. The challenge a theoretical director might have in filming a scene in a script that isn't being made, has no bearing on the quality of your writing, which is what this contest is presumably about. 

I'm sorry you received that note. It's absurd. 


Agreed. These aren't shooting scripts. They also ding over budgets sometimes, which is just like...huh? This year I finally complained about feedback, after a judge commented on something that didn't even happen in my script.


Edited by Vernacula - 12 Jan 2018 at 7:28pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lisafox10800 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 7:36pm
Originally posted by Vernacula Vernacula wrote:

Originally posted by bmcthomas bmcthomas wrote:

Same judge complained that “dusk” was not a good time of day to set a scene because it’s hard to film.

This is a ludicrous critique. The parameters of this challenge do not include logistics of filming. The challenge a theoretical director might have in filming a scene in a script that isn't being made, has no bearing on the quality of your writing, which is what this contest is presumably about. 

I'm sorry you received that note. It's absurd. 


Agreed. These aren't shooting scripts. They also ding over budgets sometimes, which is just like...huh? This year I finally complained about feedback, after a judge commented on something that didn't even happen in my script.

Having done a few of these now, I expect to get at least one completely wacky piece of feedback each time.  But thank you for validating. Since it didn't impact my score, it didn't really bother me - just made me say, "huh?"  If I had gotten dinged for it, I would have been livid.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andrea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 8:26pm
Originally posted by lisafox10800 lisafox10800 wrote:

Originally posted by Vernacula Vernacula wrote:

Originally posted by bmcthomas bmcthomas wrote:

Same judge complained that “dusk” was not a good time of day to set a scene because it’s hard to film.

This is a ludicrous critique. The parameters of this challenge do not include logistics of filming. The challenge a theoretical director might have in filming a scene in a script that isn't being made, has no bearing on the quality of your writing, which is what this contest is presumably about. 

I'm sorry you received that note. It's absurd. 


Agreed. These aren't shooting scripts. They also ding over budgets sometimes, which is just like...huh? This year I finally complained about feedback, after a judge commented on something that didn't even happen in my script.

Having done a few of these now, I expect to get at least one completely wacky piece of feedback each time.  But thank you for validating. Since it didn't impact my score, it didn't really bother me - just made me say, "huh?"  If I had gotten dinged for it, I would have been livid.



Lisa, remember, just because you rocked first place doesn't mean they didn't ding you for that. It just means they dinged someone more.  I think it's a valid thing to bring up. 
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Andrea View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andrea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 8:30pm
Originally posted by Vernacula Vernacula wrote:

Originally posted by NilesPerry NilesPerry wrote:

MAGIC HOUR? Really? Granted, we want our writing to stand out, but “magic hour” sounds like it walked right off the page of a novel. Scene headings, or sluglines, or camera shots, whatever you call them, should be straightforward: DAY, NIGHT, MORNING, EVENING and LATER are all the time designations I use, plain and simple. So, in the case of “dusk” or “magic hour” my camera shot and action might look like this:

EXT. SCOTT’S HOUSE - BACKYARD - EVENING

The sun hangs low in the sky, casting long shadows on the ground. Scott stands in the yard, deep in thought as he watches the sun disappear behind nearby hills...

Something like that, anyway. Those are my thoughts on the subject, for what they’re worth.


It's not really about standing out, but rather using accepted formatting standards. Funnily enough, the term is derived from a very visual idea, so it's not literary in any way. I would never, ever use evening/morning, but everyone has to do what feels comfortable and right for them! ;-)

Here are some links talking about MAGIC HOUR (sometimes called GOLDEN HOUR, as well).

http://kb.finaldraft.com/article/1001/708/

http://resources.screenwritersuniversity.com/resources/20-common-sense-script-rules-in-no-particular-order

https://uncleanarts.com/variations-in-screenplay-format/

http://www.createyourscreenplay.com/qodArchive.htm

https://www.reddit.com/r/Screenwriting/comments/4iyp3x/question_whats_the_best_way_to_indicate_that_a/

http://deconstructthescript.blogspot.com/2016/11/screenwriting-fundamentals-6-sluglines.html

 


I love magic hour!  It's my favorite time to take photos.  I first learned it was called that from a lighting designer/photographer.  It really does provide glorious lighting. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lisafox10800 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 8:34pm
Originally posted by Andrea Andrea wrote:

Originally posted by lisafox10800 lisafox10800 wrote:

Originally posted by Vernacula Vernacula wrote:

Originally posted by bmcthomas bmcthomas wrote:

Same judge complained that “dusk” was not a good time of day to set a scene because it’s hard to film.

This is a ludicrous critique. The parameters of this challenge do not include logistics of filming. The challenge a theoretical director might have in filming a scene in a script that isn't being made, has no bearing on the quality of your writing, which is what this contest is presumably about. 

I'm sorry you received that note. It's absurd. 


Agreed. These aren't shooting scripts. They also ding over budgets sometimes, which is just like...huh? This year I finally complained about feedback, after a judge commented on something that didn't even happen in my script.

Having done a few of these now, I expect to get at least one completely wacky piece of feedback each time.  But thank you for validating. Since it didn't impact my score, it didn't really bother me - just made me say, "huh?"  If I had gotten dinged for it, I would have been livid.



Lisa, remember, just because you rocked first place doesn't mean they didn't ding you for that. It just means they dinged someone more.  I think it's a valid thing to bring up. 

Good point, I have no clue if they did/didn't ding me for it (do we ever really know what they knock us down on?) I got lucky this time... but yes, absolutely plan to mention in my feedback. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tomsk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2018 at 9:28pm
"Final Exam" - spy, inauguration, tennis racket.  I maintain inauguration isn't a place and I will until the day I die.  I got very nearly blocked on this completely until I decided "sod it" and just made something up.  15 points (boom).  

The development points are bang on, there are a couple of big holes in the work and I'll need to up my game for round 3.  I love the language used in the development even thought "perposterous" is a typo, even the reviewers are human.


WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY 

- Excellent plot development as Clarissa on her first assignment bungles into a real operation, and by taking out the intended operatives places herself in the hot seat being ordered to take their place and kill a possibly innocent person. Good dramatic tension and raising stakes!  The final image of her "under the gun" of whether to shoot or not was fitting (though I can see some saying it's a cop-out not to make the choice) - despite the fact we are given no clue whether it's some sort of "false flag" turncoat op or proper one

~ Excellent title.

~ It was thrilling to see Clarissa disobey orders and take matters into her own hands.

~ I especially appreciated how the suddenness of the lethal assignment, just when Clarissa was anticipating graduation and a natural phase of celebration, would have cast her into shock regarding how assassination–in–theory differs from actually executing it. 

~ The action is very vivid. The twist with the sniper is well executed.  


WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK 

-  The action where Clarissa takes out the Spotter and the Shooter could be crafted with more excitement - to make us FEEL it.  It's a little dry "outline-ish" as is.  

~ You don't need to announce your synopsis or logline per se; as long as it is on the cover page and beneath the title it will be clear what it is.

~ Capitalize "Medieval" for greater effect.

~ Given how crowded the Inauguration site is, it seems perposterous that Clarissa could scale the Medieval building's wall clear to the roof without drawing attention to herself.

~ it also seems more than a tad incredible that MI5's left-hand wouldn't know what its right-hand was doing such that trainee's mission would parallel an actual assassination plot

- Clarissa has been working for the government for five years, she's close to finishing her training, yet she isn't sure if she can kill someone. What job is she training for? Why is she surprised that murder is in her job description?

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