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Round 2 SS Feedback Thread

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fragmentedelle View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fragmentedelle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2017 at 12:35am
I haven't had mine yet, either. You aren't alone!
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Nate View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Nate Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2017 at 7:05am
Ok, I didn't make the final round.  After the initial disappointment, I had to agree with the Judges on most of their points.  I drew SciFi. 

I was able to sneak one by all of my Judges.  None caught my obvious reference to Fredrich Nietzsche and his concept of Ubermensch and the theme in my story about Nihilism.  Consider the following paragraph from my story....

Once the space wagon was loaded, I gave the command, “Let’s go.” We have to get out into the atmosphere to catch the interstellar teleporter to get to Earth.”   I doubled checked that the home pod was locked up.  The Mensch was ready to go.  My name is Uber.  Zarathustra, call her Zara, is my wife.  We have two children Mini, the youngest and most imaginative of us and Freddie, who is a teenager and no need to say more about that was the last to climb aboard the Rambler.  I hit the hyperspace button, and the launch countdown began, and we were now Earthbound.

So put that in your pipe you nasty, old, overworked Judges! Wink and thank you!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tricksie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2017 at 11:56pm
Judge 1743 looooooves to comment on syntax. What's up with that? I think every feedback I've seen from them says something about syntax. (Including mine.)
R1 H18 Abso
R2 H2 Special Things
R3 Find the Light
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote plkphoto Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2017 at 7:26am
Originally posted by Tricksie Tricksie wrote:

Judge 1743 looooooves to comment on syntax. What's up with that? I think every feedback I've seen from them says something about syntax. (Including mine.)

English teacher? 

I noticed that too. The syntax comment I got from 1743 was quite helpful, though, and very specific to my story. So, if they're going to comment on syntax every time, at least they're making it count and not just giving the same generic comment to everyone. Smile
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Chelonian Mobile Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 May 2017 at 3:39pm
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''Mythical Beasts and Remarkably Bad Dogs'' by Jonathan Clark -   WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - 


{1795}  You might be surprised to hear it, but this is the very first story in this heat that used the classic postman vs dog theme. Congrats!

The premise is so incredibly simple, and kind of obvious, that one might expect at least part of this to feed into several other stories, but yours is almost wholly unique.  


{1569}  Fritz was the quintessential tongue tied lovestruck protagonist and his relationship with Madison took center stage, not the realm of magic. The arc of their relationship was satisfying. The humor was gentle and the characters and dialog felt authentic.  


{1809}  I like how you created prejudice between the dogs and postman.  


WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - 


{1795}  This will all seem a bit picky perhaps, but given the journalist who leaves once the dachshund ends up putting Fritz on his ass, and the fact that Madison mentions receiving bad press, I wonder if there shouldn't be some mention of the headline the journalist chose to use. Everything went swimmingly, other than the one incident. Which means unicorns, and hellhounds, and dragons all passed just fine. So that headline must have been brutal to really elicit bad press. Once you have a solid story like you have, finding those little details that really flesh it out, can make a huge difference.  


{1569}  Fritz felt a little too weak. Perhaps some demonstration of ability or virtue to show why Madison was attracted to him might have helped.  


{1809}  Try giving your readers an ending to Fritz and Madison. It seems like they have unresolved issues. Maybe Fritz can ask her out and she says yes. Remember that both characters should either reach the goal that they have or fail.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SakuraHime Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 May 2017 at 10:53am
''Something in the Water'' by Krystina Whitten -   WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - 
{1812}  The action at the beginning of the story caught my attention right away. The theme is interesting - tainted water that causes people to act like zombies - overall, a well developed premise with intriguing characters.  

{1689}  I love how you build your story on the strong connection between Andrew and Ella. Great job showing the people being slightly off through your imagery and their actions. The message of the final note is spot on.  

{1743}  This is a well-written short story whose fiction is more of a possibility than we care to know.  The note at the end of the story is a welcome surprise, and it is a fine touch to tie the whole story together in only a few sentences.  Congratulations to the author of this story for creating a fine piece of fiction.  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - 

{1812}  The ending lacks the authenticity of the rest of the story. It also raises questions that should be explained in the story. How did the woman manage to write a personal note to Ella, who hadn't introduced herself, and slip out the door without being seen? Why did she leave so mysteriously? The ending might work better if the woman simply told Ella about knowing her father and her need to leave again. If the woman had a safe water supply boiling on the stove, why was she "moaning" and "weak" when she had the strength to steal the water canteen from Ella and run away? Try to answer these questions and clear up the inconsistencies in the ending.  
I agree - this ending was thrown together after realizing my first one wasn't coming together the way I wanted it to.

{1689}  Though I love your bold choice to use a dual approach to tell your story, I’m not sure there’s enough time to do both. Try telling your story without the italicized sections. What do you notice? Does it make the story more immediate? Raise the stakes? If not, try putting all the information in italics together at the top. Does that make the rest of what happens easier to follow? I love this conflict over water—but I want to see the battle scene that brings the realization. I want to see the sacrifice that made that realization possible. I think you can bring those into your story if you focus on Ella’s relationship with her father or her father through the ranger. 
This is also pretty solid, the dual approach was a result of trying to correct the ending, so all of that was added after the original story was written and I scrapped my original ending.

{1743}  Probably better writing "anyway" than "anyways."  Pull up the space in "what" between "know" and "wrong' on page 3. Cut "up" after "dreamed."  Cut: "holy sh*t."  Cut: "You bitch."  Cut: "f**k."  You don't need it.
Fair, for the most part but seriously, the cursing during an intense and frightening situation makes sense to me, and was a way to express my MC's sense of stress and panic.

Overall, the feedback is pretty positive when compared to my own feelings about my round 2 story, and I'm looking forward to attempting this again next year!
2017 SSC R1 H57: Apophenia (5th)
2017 SSC R2 H13: Something in the Water
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