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CH3 GR5 - EXO

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thesleepermustawaken View Drop Down
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    Posted: 01 Feb 2017 at 3:23pm
Cheers all!!
I was excited to get this challenging SciFi genre! I love watching and reading Science Fiction, but have not written too much, so this was a fun experiment! I look forward to reading everyone's work and good luck!!

Group 5
Genre: SciFi
Location: Basement
Object: Firewood


https://drive.google.com/file/d/0By7k6UbqSa4HdVdfeGdvQWo5LWs0RFUxTXVPb0FoaGZrUXpJ/view?usp=sharing
R1/H41/Suspense 'SCAPE
A Sensitive Child
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AnastasiaW View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AnastasiaW Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Feb 2017 at 3:09am
Hey,

This screenplay is so rich in possibility. I wish you could have made it a lot longer - there was so much I wanted to know and see - who is this creature? - how did he take/possess the son? - what does he want?I really wanted to see more so to make the mother's final decision so much more poignant.

The creepiness of it all was brilliantly executed. It was also incredibly visual (so important for the screen play format).

I would have liked to have seen the child she took (maybe tied up in the back seat) - or even her taking him. I felt a bit short changed because it was such a massive thing and could have ramped up the drama. Especially because the bump in the boot might not be translated onto screen. Also how she got to that point is in my mind a greater drama than even her choosing death. And then to just finish with a vague promise that he would be taken care of seemed like leaving a big loose end. If you show him the first mystery is why a woman would kidnap a child to be taken over by the bigger mystery of the monster. We would see he isn't the child in her photographs and you wouldn't need the radio anouncement.

And then why having got him didn't she bring him into the house?

I was a little unclear if the alien/monster possessed or killed and duplicated her son. And then if he possessed him why did he need her in amber? It's only small and maybe I missed something, but if you made that a bit clearer her pain and final decision would have had a bit more oomph.

These questions/suggestions are only what I feel could strengthen an amazing story. You have some real talent for sci-fi. You should write more!

Good luck.

Cheers,

Anastasia







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AnastasiaW View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AnastasiaW Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Feb 2017 at 3:10am
Oh - and I just noticed you posted in the wrong place. You need to do it in the review section.
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thesleepermustawaken View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thesleepermustawaken Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Feb 2017 at 3:08pm
I totally did put that in the wrong spot! Mistake fixedSmile
Thanks for reading and offering great feedback. You know with these five page max scripts it is such a challenge to get a proper set-up, build, and finish, but the challenge is the whole point! I appreciate the points you made and for reading!
R1/H41/Suspense 'SCAPE
A Sensitive Child
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